Kaui Calls to Me

Kaui Calls to Me

Come.

Come and rest your battered body on me,

My red will hold and keep you safe.

Come.

Come.

Come and exhale your grief into the wild,

My green will fill you and life will be once again.

Come.

Come.

Come.

Come and wash your ears in the surf,

My blue wipes out deafness and the heart is heard.

Come.

Felt Like Family

Day 14

I got up with the sound of alarm at 6am.  I didn’t sleep well.  I woke up with red eyes.  I didn’t feel safe.  I’m not paranoid.  There are probably things I sensed but refused to see, to not freak out more than I already have.  I’m just exhausted and is barely physically functional.  Anymore pressure would just push me over the edge.    

I walked to Ken Scales Automotive by 7:40am.  I saw Mike the manager rolling the garage door up.  Upon the sight of him I knew I had picked the right place to be.  Seeing the employee photos, I knew this is where I needed to be.  Mike said Schmoldt is small and they wouldn’t have parts there to begin with and that he wouldn’t recommend it. 

Every staff who walked in were happy and said life is pretty good.  What a nice change.  What a good place to be, where people are happy and happy at their work.  Mike is a decent Christian man.  I realized this trip, I came cross really wonderful Christians and Catholics.  I said to Mike, “ You will become an endangered specie in a couple of decades.”  He shook his head in protest and unhappily responded, “You can’t say that, there are a lot of good people out there and we will all still be around in a couple of decades.” 

Mike said he had A.D.H.D. and can’t read well.  That in his twenties, he started this industry with intention of owning his own place some day.  He focused, worked hard to overcome his special issues in his work.  He is a real positive person.  He said it’s his faith and belief that is the foundation of his solid common sense and decency and outlook on life.  He doesn’t worry much because we will all die one day, any moment, just live in the now because you don’t know when you’ll get hit by a bus or drop dead, can’t waste life that way, be in the now.  Mike said running a garage is expensive these days with all the software that is in cars now.  Now that he is in a position to do so, he doesn’t know if he wants to. 

Diagnosis on my car, a pipe cracked from being pressed down by the second radiator non-manufacturing original radiator.  Meaning whoever put the second radiator in didn’t put it in a way that kept the pipe out of the way. So the pipe has been squished and in friction this whole time in pressure and it burst finally.  A leak was also detected in the water pump system.  Coolant has been leaking slowly.  This was a bigger problem than the pipe.  But the pipe problem help to reveal this bigger problem, so all and all it was a blessing in disguise.  This water pump leak could burn my motor in the engine and destroy the engine.   I was told my car would be finished today.  I am glad I took a nap yesterday afternoon.  I didn’t get a good rest last night.  The drive requires prayer and maybe a few naps on the highway shoulder. 

I asked Mike about the car stalling when I stop at the stop sign but ten minutes on the highway it’s okay.  He said it’s the carbon leaks on the spark plug.  You can’t clean it.  It is part of the aging residue of the car.  I asked about the radiator fan how only one is running.  Mike said that’s how it is suppose to run.  That my car battery is at 60% and what wears out the battery is extreme heat or extreme cold.   The RPM is running fun and there is a screw on a back tire that will need to be removed and possibly patched. 

Eddie, another mechanic drove me back to the motel to let me pack up my things and check out.  He showed me his first degree burn from the boss’ Harley who wanted two pounds increased without getting off a running hot bike.  He has a three inch blustery swell.

 

Sitting in the lobby I felt overwhelmed when all the traffic of people rushed in.  I felt dizzy and tired sitting in the lobby.  When the traffic cleared out, I felt the air in the room and I was able to breathe again.  I filled my lungs with light hearted gentle air.  At the motel, when the A/C isn’t running the room is stuffy and the rolling traffic is disturbing.  Here in the lobby, the vending machine hums, the TV is on the stock channel and yet I still prefer to be here surrounded by the bubble of good people. 

Ben, another sweet heart mechanic here has a nine year old son whose girlfriend’s dad owns Taco Delight.  Ben got testicular cancer and survived.  Ben is pretty young too.  He said his father drank 24 bottles of beer a day and smoked nonstop.  Who was over weight and died of a second heart attack.  That his dad never paid much attention to him and the treatment from his dad really changed him.  Mike also said his dad wasn’t around much and when he was he wasn’t much of role model.  He is surprised how he turned out okay and attributes it all to his mom, relatives, and Christianity. 

I did some organizing of my things while the car was getting fixed.  I unfolded my tent and let it dry in the sun.  I pulled out more Indian food pouches and had Dal Malakani with Aloo Mutter, nutritional yeast and nori powder.  I had lunch with Ben and Michael.  Ben had a taco and Michael had Chinese food.  Michael is working on my car. 

People saw my powder and asked right away if I was vegetarian.  It turns out Mike’s daughter is anemic.   I said to him eventually she will have to quit meat because she can’t process it as an anemic.  The sooner she can figure out her digestive allergies, the sooner she can get on with living her full life.  

With the lack of rest I had last night I needed a nap.  I laid on the couch and napped for two hours.  I felt safe to go to sleep here.    By the time I parted with everyone at 5pm, I felt like I was parting with family.  They are a sweet honest bunch of people here. 

I drove straight home.  It was still in the 90’s at 10pm on the highway with the wind.  It’s a good thing I am driving at night when it is cooler.  I got pulled over somewhere near Sacramento for a headlight that went out.  The young cop was very grumpy.  Why was he so grumpy in a beautiful place like this, full of farm lands, vast into the horizon.  Here you can step out and look at the stars in the sky.  I finally made it home at 1am.  I’m not going to unpack until tomorrow. 

Just Scared

Day 13

I slept 12 hours straight and woke up at 9am.  I did not feel ready to go home.  I am physically exhausted and my ankle is in great pain.  I could barely stand today.  Having cell phone reception now that I am back in civilization I looked at my phone.  I found it loaded with messages from the entire summer and all the “crisis” that “needed” attending. For the first time, I felt relieved to be here in this motel room to hide. 

What do I have for food today?  I have fruit tart, raisin bread, and chocolate.  I won’t complain, it’s something for food.  I had it with three kinds of tea.  I don’t have to hop anywhere with one function leg in this 110 degree heat to get food to eat.   

I took a nap in the afternoon.  I crashed after returning phone calls.  I woke up at 6:45pm.  I finally felt much better.  I didn’t cry today. 

I prayed to Guan Yin Bodhisattva how I need more rest and I am not well enough to handle all that is waiting for me back at home. 

This day past fast, for one I was barely awake much to begin with.  I spent most of my time sleeping.  I drank tea all day, I can feel the dehydration.  I was somehow too busy to bother to drink and too busy to bother to go pee yesterday. 

I ran through possible ways of getting home from here.  One option is to leave the car here and rent a car to get home and catch my flight to Kaui.  A month later when I am back from Kaui I can pick up my car.   

I saw lots of Dharma Protectors surrounding me these past 24 hours, mainly because I was crying in distress.  They kept an eye on me and accompanied me because I was scared.  Otherwise they’d just go about their business. 

At 10:20pm I took a shower and prickly cold acidic chi came out of my pores as I showered.  I left all the lights on.  It’s scary without them by myself in this area here.  I kept the sutra near me because I felt scared tonight.     

Just Couldn't Stop Crying

Day 12

I woke up at 7am and noticed everyone was gone.  Only Valerie and Fab was still around packing up.  I asked James to help carry my stuff to the Chan Hall so I didn’t have to make many trips.  I sat on the steps waiting for a ride down.  Valerie Tseng inquired why I was sitting all alone while everyone was down in the Can.  She gave me a ride down with all my stuff. 

As I loaded my car I chatted with Jia Hwei from Taipei branch now a nun.  I don’t know her ordained name.  She asked about my mom.  Then I recalled how she was stationed in Gold Sage Monastery of San Jose as part of her novice training.  It took me a good hour to pack my car in a away that I can drive it and see too.  I was so hungry when I was done I dipped 3 slices of white bread into the tum yum coconut soup.  I then noticed, the nuns forgot their breakfast and dessert portion for their van.  That van is going to be hungry on one meal a day. 

Silver looked exhausted laying on the gravel in front of the Can.  I was able to roll off at 10am.  I made a wrong turn before getting on highway 101 and u-turned right away.  At Roseburg I pulled over and got gas, cleaned my windshield and used the restroom at Wendy’s.  It was a very warm sunny day.

I turned onto i138 East to Crater Lake National Park.  I listened to music on my itouch.  It was a pretty hot day.  I was tired from the week and from the heat.  At Diamond Lake, Umpqua National Forest, I pulled to the right shoulder to look at the map and put the car in park mode.  I smelled fumes and tried to drive it and then I smelled smoke.  I shut off the engine to pop the hood.  It was smoking.  The transmission was leaking a puddle on the highway.   

My body went into shock mode.   Why should I be freaking out?  I’ve got AAA.  But I couldn’t stop this body’s reaction of crisis.  My body was shaking uncontrollably. 

A Christian family pulled over, three cars, two dogs, and their boat to help me.  They helped me push my car off the highway to the shoulder.  I had no cell phone reception.  They gave me a phone to call AAA.  They were so nice, checking the car fluids and transmission for me in the middle of this heat, taking time out from their family reunion break to attend to me.  The father was going to give me his phone and have me mail it back to him when I return home.  I did not accept.  I knew as soon as I am out of the mountains via AAA pickup I will have reception.

I tried not to cry but I found myself crying and talking the same time.  It was strange to me.  What was so scary?  Why was I so scared?

As I sat in the car and waited for AAA, I wondered if I should camp out at Diamond Lake until Monday when mechanics are open for business.  People don’t work on Saturdays in Oregon.  Gas stations also close for the night.  But I saw that I needed to be at the auto shop first thing on Monday so I still needed to be towed this weekend. 

A park security came via the Christian family to come and support me.  His cell phone had reception so I used his phone to call AAA again to see what the holdup was.  He asked if I needed anything.  I told him I just needed to cry and I sat and cried in my car and he sat in his car with a/c and watched me cry.  I don’t know why I was crying but I knew I couldn’t stop the tears from rolling.  

I sat in the car and tried to recite but my head was scattered.  I kept nodding off.  Then I cried some more.  I decided to eat some food even though I didn’t have much appetite.  I knew with all this trauma or at least how I am experiencing it as trauma that I needed some food in my body. 

Two hours had passed and the tow truck was nowhere in sight, just 30 miles out and still no tow truck.  I used the security’s phone to call and it turns out the tow truck was inside Diamond Lake Resort campground via other entrance and I was at the i138 entrance on the highway.

Bruce my tow truck guy finally came, it was so late in the afternoon already.  He said the nearest choice is Coosbay 80 miles, Klammath 100 miles, Medford 100 miles.  That there is no real mechanic shop in Schmoldt where his boss’s tow shop is and that is also the so called mechanic shop AAA had told me was the closest.  He would take me there if I wanted to but that he himself won’t get his car fixed there.  His boss is a gambler and he gets 25% of what his boss makes on each tow. 

I had doubts on whether or not Bruce is running me around for money.  I felt a clear answer in me to trust these options Bruce has laid out for me and that I shouldn’t worry anymore, or stress or feel troubled.   

 I decided I would complete my travel and go to Crater Lake via tow truck and from there nearest mechanic is Medford.  This was how the decision was made on which shop to go.  The ways on how I go about making decisions, seems random and odd but somehow works out to be the best in the end.  Yes and this meant 100 miles for $348.

Bruce gave me a tour of Crater Lake National Park and told me stories and history.  It was a fun ride.  Not a bad way to have to spend tow truck money on.  Crater Lake water is beautiful.  I passed by the campground I would have camped in and had to pass it up.  The exit south of Crater Lake, the entire highway was full of campgrounds. All were beautiful. I could camp in anyone and be happy.  But I had to pass it all up as I passed by it on this tow truck.  I so wanted to be there, any one of those campgrounds would have been fine. 

Bruce told me he was single but has been living with his girlfriend for 12 years.  I reminded him that they are legally married.  He said she has a thyroid problem and gained a lot of weight that she is at 230 pounds with swollen legs.  That his mom died of liver cirrhosis and how his father died 6 months later of lung stuff from his early days of working in the coal mine.           

We arrived in Medford way past dinner time and in this summer sun the sky was still in twilight.  Medford is a big city for Oregon.  We pulled over to an auto parts shop like a Kragen in Oregon.  Bruce looked at my car and wanted to see if it was just something loose he can tighten for me or just replace a simple clamp or tube.

In the parking lot we saw two Hispanic male mechanics and spoke to them in my broken Spanish, “Pardoname, auydame por favor.”   They looked into my car and saw the leak was from the gasket and something about something from the middle of the car.  It all sounded and seemed sketchy.  They recommended that I go to a dealer how they don’t have the equipment to fix this quickly on their own out of their house.  They said they’d have to take the entire car apart.  This part sounded scary to me and that they don’t really know what’s wrong with my car.  They said they have Sunday as their soccer watch day and it’s church day and family day too etc.. basically they don’t have the tools or the time or the interest.  I asked about where to sleep for the night and one of them asked the other if he could take me in all in Spanish.  It’s old school hospitality and kindness that isn’t common practice these days in America.  I did not find this to be a good idea.  It would not be street smart on my end.  All my travel alarms of safety rang loud all at once even though I did not find either men to be shady.   

Bruce took me to a nearby motel close to the mechanic shop certified by AAA.  Bruce says this shop is great and being certified they uphold a standard of quality and the rate is also standard.  My dinky run down old  scary looking Motel is run by an Indian family.  I wouldn’t have agreed to stay if not for the Indian owners whose family also lives there.  It was $35. a night.  The man Harry gave me 2 nights for $77. Including tax.  Is there tax in Oregon?  I thought not.
  

Bruce recommended I take all that I need for the next two days and what I can carry back via foot since my car will be at the mechanics and my only mode of transportation is my feet.  My other choice was Ramada, Quality Inn etc…  They were all at $80 plus per night.  Plus they were all off the highway and this shop is in the residential, too far apart.  When all was done, my car safely unloaded onto the mechanic’s lot, it was already 9pm.  Bruce wanted to take me to dinner.  I passed.  It’s so late, it’s been a long day and I have no appetite.  The idea of it just felt strange.  

I went to the room and clearly understood why I needed more camp food and supplies and how that did not make sense to me when I was packing for the trip back in May.   It’s what I would need this weekend, in this motel, waiting for the shop to open.  It’s a good thing I had breakfast at least.  I was so hot I decided to just lay on the bed with lights on.  I was too tired to cry, finally.

It was hot today and at night the temperature was 92 degrees.  The place fortunately had A/C.

Turtle Mountain Body

Turtle Mountain Body

Potatos to mash

Shoulders rolled

Chest sunken,

Just give me three more hours…

Chips to fry

Cracked back

hands burned,

Shhhhh...

Sushi to roll

Leg swelled

Ankle doubled,

Shhhhh...

Just three more hours…

Dough to cookie

Shin numbed

Leg asleep,

Turtle Mountain Body

 Just give me three more hours,

 Just three more hours

Please!

Shhhhh...

Friday Night is the Cake of the Week

 Day 11

Today was a bit of a blur.  I cooked 5 meals at once; Friday breakfast, lunch dinner and Saturday breakfast and lunch.  I felt as if I lived all those time zones at once. 

Everyone pitched in on the food mass production today.  Billy helped in the kitchen to fill water that was next to the oil wok.  Someone made a scene that displayed the accusing of the possibility of Billy getting water in the hot oil wok this morning.  Loc jumped in and accompanied Billy the rest of the morning in support for his crushed spirit of such a drama. 

It’s really lovely to see Paola gather in all the young girls to help in salad production each day.  Andrew N and the rest of the guys worked on the fruit tart. 

Lunch gratitude and acknowledgements were carried out.  It’s all the same now, name, or no name.  You see it, or don’t see it.  You know or don’t know.  It’s all the same to me.  I know each day how I faired.  I know each moment how I faired. 

Everyone came.  They all stepped up to the plate and was happy and confident to do their part in support of the others.  Everyone shined beautifully.  

We packed for Saturday lunch at 6:30pm.  I was seriously tired at 7:30pm.  I barely sat.  My right ankle was swollen in pain.  I felt finished and ready to close shop on Oregon retreat. 

This evening started with Thomas and James singing their Amitabha songs.  They had two prepared.  They were just beautiful.  The nuns sang along too.  Lily, Sherry’s daughter has an amazing voice.  Fab played too and sang.  It was all just wonderful.  It was a lovely evening of sharing and lots of thanks in their snap shots.   This is really the cake of the week.  It’s just so nice to see the product of all the work put into supporting the personal transformation of each person.

My snap shot, “ Leaves falling, sounds like rain drops, soft fluffy mossy soil for bedding.”

When the bell struck and the evening was over, I ran out to the deck and avoided the crowd, it becomes a grand central station junction with good byes and clean up.  I stood outside the front door on the deck and chatted with people waiting for a ride down to the Can.  I hugged people as a brother and as a sister and did my good bye. 

I felt so exhausted, I couldn’t do much to contribute to clean up.  We all head down to the Can and didn’t finish until 12:30am.  Seeing how the tables and benches were up, I felt better about the rest of tomorrow’s clean up.  I smelled so bad from today’s work I insisted on a shower before bed.

Kentucky Falls is Special

Day 10

I was super tired and did not get up until 6:05am.  The alarm was set at 4:11am but I didn’t’ hear it at all. 

What is it about the kitchen or dinning area that seems to draw people to do lots of venting.  I find it offensive to spoil the food with such garbage, toxins, and poison!    

After lunch I got onto the Kentucky Falls truck.  I was on Henry’s truck.  I sat next to Darius and Henry.  Somehow we missed the right turn after the last bridge and went left towards the highway.  We didn’t know this until we were 15 miles into it.  The GPS did not work for Kentucky Falls. 

When we made it back to the crossing, a red truck sat and parked on the island of the crossing.  Two men sat in the front and one in the back. The man in the back pointed the right to show us the way.  What are the chances of that? 

On the trail I chose to be a sweeper and walked behind.  I had thought I could skip Kentucky Falls this year because I have seen so many beautiful trails this summer already.  As I hiked I realized Kentucky Falls has a special place in my heart.  The trail is just so beautiful.   There is history here of the early days of this retreat when it first begun. This trail is trail #1376 on Siuslaw National Forest.

It’s lovely to see the monastics join us for this hike.

I recalled when Silver was able to join us and jumped in at every sight of water he crossed and that’s a lot water.  I recalled when Silver learned how to ride on Henry’s truck to lean on the turns to not slide across the back of the truck or fly off the road.  I remember when Henry would chant Great Compassion Mantra on the trail and read Dharani Sutra while waiting for us to catch up.  The simple peace of anther time was felt in this modern busy day. 

I Miss Roundtable Discussions an Berkeley Buddhist Monastery

Day 9

Chocolate chip cookies was on the lunch menu.  Most of the lunch was done by breakfast.  Everyone was very hands on.  There was football, yoga, and walking meditation all happening at 10am time slot.  We also had our group photos taken at 10am. 

After lunch organizers got together to discuss the issue of money, that we are short of $1,000. this year to cover expenses.   Billy upon hearing this asked, “There is a cost to being here?”  We told him in the context of paying it forward gift economy.  Previous attendees have made contributions to make it possible to make this year’s retreat happen.  Yet we are $1,000. short in running this year’s retreat. 

Today was dunes and beach day.  After lunch the day trip group left and the rest of us were either up in the Chan Hall meditating or down in the Can.  Rev. Heng Sure stood at the picnic table and we all sat around.  It turned out to be an excellent unscheduled roundtable while he waited for his laundry to dry in the dryer.  This discussion really got everyone thinking, what a valuable experience.  This reminded me how much I miss roundtable at Berkeley Buddhist Monastery. 

At 4pm James made me a pancake with chocolate chips and walnuts.  I put on my ear plugs and listened to music to stay focused to think while I worked in the kitchen. 

Fab’s music was uplifting and I found it very healing and rejuvenating in the late afternoon.  Thanks Fab for the healing. 

Heather came by after the evening lecture and said Jin Rou Shr asked her to cook on Thursday.  I told her she can use anything.  She looked and said there wasn’t much she can cook with and added, “Oh you don’t have garlic or onions to cook with.  I don’t really know how to cook without onions.”  Why didn’t she communicate this directly to the nun when she agreed to cook?  Strange how people go round and round in their communication. 

Shower line was long.  I waited for Connie and Michael to finish with shower to walk up at 11:40pm.  Silver walked us up too.  Towards the top his hips went into pain and he hopped and limped.  I felt bad for him.

Washing Dishes With Cuts in His Hands

Day 8

I woke up with the help of the alarm.  The alarm was my back up.  I didn’t get down the hill until 6am.  I cooked millet with tofu and leftover stir-fry rice.  Then I began on lunch prep and got very excited over the making of German Chocolate cake.     

During lunch I felt happy and peaceful and so I kept on cleaning, washing, sweeping, etc… in the kitchen.  Looking out for me, Billy came in and wanted me to go get a lunch plate.  I told him I was stuffed from breakfast.  Someone asked if Billy was my son.  Billy said he could be my brother.  That was sweet.

Noodles don’t seem to be too popular this year.  Every year it is different.  Last year noodles was the thing.    

Darius cut both of his hands while washing dishes and I banned him from the kitchen and he could not believe it.  As soon as the bleeding stopped he returned and washed more dishes in the wash line.  I couldn’t physically keep him away so I just let him continue to wash dishes in pain.  He’s got a heart of a Bodhisattva and a Bodhisattva work ethic.    

I went to my trunk and noticed ants in my trunk.  I began shaking the ants off onto the grass.  Billy saw me from a distance and quickly asked me what was wrong.  This young man has got his tabs on things.  He has the qualities of a good leader.  

Dr. Loc is not only the organizer but also the doctor for the retreat

Half Can Chan

Half Can Chan

Body moves  

in the midst

"Just love me,”

cried the Pancake.

Mind expands

in the midst

"Don't hurt me,"

the Empanadas pleaded.

Heart centered

in the midst

"Don't boss me!"

the Cake snooted.

Lungs grounded

in the midst

"Get to work!"

the Soup alarms.

Wall less heart  

in the midst

"See! You can't do without me,"

the Vegetables insisted.

Mountain strong

in the midst

"This sucks."

the Cookie protested

Joy unwavers

in the midst

 "I don't wanna!"

the salad bolted  

Half Can,

doing Chan,

in the midst,  

body moves .

The Kitchen Can Be a Complicated Place

Day 7

The Chan Hall was full on the women’s side.  It was a beautiful sight and the sound of ceremony resonating out into nature of early dawn felt homey.  Silver was outside and walked me down to the Can.  He marked his pee all over the trail.  I watched his hips move in pain but his tail swung side to side happily.  Side to side motion is where his strength is now.  His ears flapped up and curled down the front part way, signs of happiness of a dog.  I have a feeling this might be his last year as Silver of Buddha Root Farm the beloved dog.  With this thought, my eyes burned with hot tears as we walked together. 

Myra and James both made pancakes, they are professional pancake makers I’d say and they were happy serving the pancakes. 

This morning’s lecture, Rev. Heng Sure shared the story of Shr Fu’s disciple back in China by the name of Dharma Master Heng Zhuo.  When the government’s military came, he set himself on fire.  How his physical form retained even after the flames were gone.  The official came to check the phenomenon out.  As soon as he touched the form, it all fell into ashes.  Shr Fu said he had already left his body before it was on fire.  That’s freedom and control in my opinion.  Our modern culture is obsessed with freedom and control hoping the answer to happiness lies there.  This kind of freedom and self control looks pretty good to me. 

Lunch was at 11:45am, super late.  I hope to do better tomorrow.  I felt like I didn’t quit the have the kitchen down in terms of organization for delegating work that is appropriate to the volunteer skill set.  Not everyone knows how to watch vegetables or cut them.  And those who do, may not have the speed be able to quickly produce food for the 97 of us in 90 minutes.  People sincerely helped in the kitchen.  I have to adjust to where everyone is within their conditions. 

Kitchen is such a social area too.  Food is a social activity.  It is a healing medicine.  Food and kitchen where the fire, hearth is, is a gathering that bonds relationships and communities.  In the same time it is where the knife is and things can go either way.  Kitchen can often be a battle zone for families and a community. 

Some people come to the kitchen for solidarity, unity, relationship, validation, acknowledgement, and some just come to work to get things done quietly.  It’s different every year.  It’s different everyday and every meal.  I just have to work around it all and I first have to pay attention to these elements so meals can be served on time so that the retreat can move forward smoothly.   

The lectures were awesome.  The enthusiasm to lecture was wonderful.  I find it amazing that 7 nuns and 3 monks are here with all of us to support this retreat. 

The good chi was felt in my upper chakras.  I felt more in tuned to everything and adjusted the menu for the rest of the retreat. 

We have a handful of ten to eleven year old kids this year and they really look forward to the puppet story time.  I am amazed the kids actually paid attention, listened in on the lecture and asked questions. 

I jumped on the truck to head down to the Can after lecture.  I wanted to organize things so I can delegate work.  I am hoping there will be more efficiency and I wanted to make sure everything is put away for the night to avoid encouraging four legged friends to visit at night. 

At 10pm I began mixing waffle batter, good thing I had an electric mixer to work with.  I began making waffles at 10:30pm.  It took me 45 minutes to make 80 pieces of waffles from 20 cakes.  I feel really rejuvenated when I get to work quietly on my own.  I feel the rhythm and the zone, it’s like a meditation, there is silence within in.  I feel great, not tired or this and that. 

Marion Kwan saw me make waffles late at night and really wanted to help.  But there really wasn’t much for anyone else to do.  We just have one waffle iron, it just takes one person.  But she wanted to show her support and went around the dinning hall filling up napkins etc…  I was moved by her good intentions.  It really warmed my heart and physically opened up my chest.  What a healing!

I showered at 11:15pm, shut the place down, walked out of the Can and saw Silver walk out to the road, looked towards Matt’s trailer and then he turned around and walked me up to the Buddha Hall.  He’d sit and lay as he waited for me to catch up on the hill.  I’d stop and wait for him as he hung out and sniffed this or that and pee on the trial.  It was interesting actually as we took turns to wait for each other.  It was a silent understanding, a supportive respectful relationship between us.  No hug, no pets, not even treats from me, and at his old age definitely no game in playing catch.  Silver was happy to lead like a dog and show me the way.  I didn’t want him to have to climb this hill in his condition but he did.  We parted at the meadow in front of the Chan Hall.

I came back to camp drenched from my slow hike.  I was tired and awake at the same time.  It was a chilly night but I was warm in my tent that is insulated in protection by nature.  Laying in my tent I felt grateful to be of service and stepping up to this calling.  Yet in the same time I felt an internal need to find time and space for more solitude and deepen my own practice.