The Kitchen Can Be a Complicated Place

Day 7

The Chan Hall was full on the women’s side.  It was a beautiful sight and the sound of ceremony resonating out into nature of early dawn felt homey.  Silver was outside and walked me down to the Can.  He marked his pee all over the trail.  I watched his hips move in pain but his tail swung side to side happily.  Side to side motion is where his strength is now.  His ears flapped up and curled down the front part way, signs of happiness of a dog.  I have a feeling this might be his last year as Silver of Buddha Root Farm the beloved dog.  With this thought, my eyes burned with hot tears as we walked together. 

Myra and James both made pancakes, they are professional pancake makers I’d say and they were happy serving the pancakes. 

This morning’s lecture, Rev. Heng Sure shared the story of Shr Fu’s disciple back in China by the name of Dharma Master Heng Zhuo.  When the government’s military came, he set himself on fire.  How his physical form retained even after the flames were gone.  The official came to check the phenomenon out.  As soon as he touched the form, it all fell into ashes.  Shr Fu said he had already left his body before it was on fire.  That’s freedom and control in my opinion.  Our modern culture is obsessed with freedom and control hoping the answer to happiness lies there.  This kind of freedom and self control looks pretty good to me. 

Lunch was at 11:45am, super late.  I hope to do better tomorrow.  I felt like I didn’t quit the have the kitchen down in terms of organization for delegating work that is appropriate to the volunteer skill set.  Not everyone knows how to watch vegetables or cut them.  And those who do, may not have the speed be able to quickly produce food for the 97 of us in 90 minutes.  People sincerely helped in the kitchen.  I have to adjust to where everyone is within their conditions. 

Kitchen is such a social area too.  Food is a social activity.  It is a healing medicine.  Food and kitchen where the fire, hearth is, is a gathering that bonds relationships and communities.  In the same time it is where the knife is and things can go either way.  Kitchen can often be a battle zone for families and a community. 

Some people come to the kitchen for solidarity, unity, relationship, validation, acknowledgement, and some just come to work to get things done quietly.  It’s different every year.  It’s different everyday and every meal.  I just have to work around it all and I first have to pay attention to these elements so meals can be served on time so that the retreat can move forward smoothly.   

The lectures were awesome.  The enthusiasm to lecture was wonderful.  I find it amazing that 7 nuns and 3 monks are here with all of us to support this retreat. 

The good chi was felt in my upper chakras.  I felt more in tuned to everything and adjusted the menu for the rest of the retreat. 

We have a handful of ten to eleven year old kids this year and they really look forward to the puppet story time.  I am amazed the kids actually paid attention, listened in on the lecture and asked questions. 

I jumped on the truck to head down to the Can after lecture.  I wanted to organize things so I can delegate work.  I am hoping there will be more efficiency and I wanted to make sure everything is put away for the night to avoid encouraging four legged friends to visit at night. 

At 10pm I began mixing waffle batter, good thing I had an electric mixer to work with.  I began making waffles at 10:30pm.  It took me 45 minutes to make 80 pieces of waffles from 20 cakes.  I feel really rejuvenated when I get to work quietly on my own.  I feel the rhythm and the zone, it’s like a meditation, there is silence within in.  I feel great, not tired or this and that. 

Marion Kwan saw me make waffles late at night and really wanted to help.  But there really wasn’t much for anyone else to do.  We just have one waffle iron, it just takes one person.  But she wanted to show her support and went around the dinning hall filling up napkins etc…  I was moved by her good intentions.  It really warmed my heart and physically opened up my chest.  What a healing!

I showered at 11:15pm, shut the place down, walked out of the Can and saw Silver walk out to the road, looked towards Matt’s trailer and then he turned around and walked me up to the Buddha Hall.  He’d sit and lay as he waited for me to catch up on the hill.  I’d stop and wait for him as he hung out and sniffed this or that and pee on the trial.  It was interesting actually as we took turns to wait for each other.  It was a silent understanding, a supportive respectful relationship between us.  No hug, no pets, not even treats from me, and at his old age definitely no game in playing catch.  Silver was happy to lead like a dog and show me the way.  I didn’t want him to have to climb this hill in his condition but he did.  We parted at the meadow in front of the Chan Hall.

I came back to camp drenched from my slow hike.  I was tired and awake at the same time.  It was a chilly night but I was warm in my tent that is insulated in protection by nature.  Laying in my tent I felt grateful to be of service and stepping up to this calling.  Yet in the same time I felt an internal need to find time and space for more solitude and deepen my own practice.    

What is Cool?

Day 6

I was down at the Can by 6:30am.  Thomas was already making his own waffles.  Stacy and Loc just left for the day to do things in town.  I had waffles with Marion berry jam.  I sat with Henry and chatted on  the past year catching up on our lives.  We pretty much just have this time, once a year during work week to do this.  He is a great, good person.   I am grateful to have such affinities to come across such a good person this life time. 

Henry got a call from Loc  to run the day.  We all gathered outside around Henry and Myra who reminded everyone what had to be done today and checked on with everyone to communicate challenges or needs.  I was so proud of him to step forward from his shyness and lead everyone as he is skilled and experienced to.  He’s been at this place since day one of the beginning of this retreat years ago and he knows a lot.  He is a good friend and doesn’t like to tell his friends to have to go to work.  But then that means more 12 hour days and he can’t do it all himself.  It just won’t get done in time and he might break his back in the process. 

I was so exhausted in the afternoon I couldn’t focus so I put earplugs into my ears and listened to music to focus.  I had to get dinner ready for the rest of the seventy five people arriving around dinner time.  Tomas was up for kneading the dough.  For two hours everyone else was on assembly line for making pot stickers, samosa, and fresh spring roll.  

The subject of what is cool came up.  Thomas said, “being cool is breaking rules.”  I said, “Bodhisattvas and Buddhas are cool.”  Myra said, “Jesus is cool.

Fabrizio arrived with his daughter Lauren this afternoon after a long drive from Canada.  Toure and I helped them get settled in.  Valerie’s love and kindness radiated with a warm welcome to Lauren.   Toure was very transmedium during tent setup.  It means something is about to go down, wrong on his end and he is pretending to not notice or acknowledge his karmic hand in the chain of seed to fruit. 

The shopping van returned and everyone jumped to unloading and organizing it all.  It was amazing to see.  I took this time to rest my feet.  I didn’t really eat.  I think I was too tired.  Instead I just stayed hydrated.  It was lovely to see everyone arrive safely. 

Had To Do Better in Our Thoughts

 Day 4 

I woke up at 3:45am to pee.  The stars were amazing.  It was a warm night, I wore only one layer.  I was down at the Can by 6am.  I put laundry into the washer, it was a full load.  After setting the washer going I sat in the car and did morning ceremony.  Then I continued to sit in the car and fell asleep.  I got out of my car when everyone else started to show up for breakfast.  I began making chili, salsa etc.. for our Mexican lunch.  

One of the staff came to discuss the issue of how we all speak Chinese and we are sitting gender separate, that someone new to the crew may feel left out.  So we changed, we mixed things up.  It’s good to communicate.  We get so caught up in catching up trying to get things done as soon as possible that we miss some basic things at times, some basic human touch things.  We are so used to being around people who speak multiple languages that we just mix it all in and forget that not everyone is so.    

We also discovered Henry’s wife Myra is a very shy and sweet, but amazing artist and a great chef.  She made me a heart shape chocolate chip pancake.

After lunch I felt super exhausted, I was in need of a nap.  But I had to move my tent out of my yearly site and into a new one, which I didn’t mind, I just want it quiet wherever I am so I can sleep.  I didn’t get to nap, I just had time to lay down for a bit and take a break from standing on my feet. 

Tonight after dinner we all went up and sat in meditation for forty five minutes.  I got a lot of mosquito bites in the mediation hall.  My ankle managed to survive the criss cross sit.  It was all I could manage with the injury.     

Marion, Orlan, Connie and her brother Michael showed up during mediation.  Connie showed up with her guitar. 

Today a tent broke in transport from the Can up to the campground area.  Any abstract energy tension in this case is manifested in real time and reflected on the tangible external world.  This alarm rang like a big bell throughout the land.  All of us as Buddhist nonviolent practitioners knew better and as staff with responsibilities, we were too well experienced and trained to be in denial.  People reflected on such a manifestation.  It was a sound of alarm for this community and we all knew and had to pay attention and do better in our own thoughts and harmony in working with each other.   I am glad no one physically got hurt today.      

Two staff apologized on behalf of the group for the lack of professional work performance up to date and have yet to pick up the slack on the work load.  I feel blessed to be with people with honest amazing hearts full of integrity.  

The work week is hard work.  You have to love hard work to be happy here.  You do what others don’t want to do.  You do what others can’t do.  You are selected and invited to work week for the strengths you can contribute.  We meet once a year.  People show up in which ever condition they are in and we as a group must adjust each year on the spot to fill in.  It means some people are able to sneak in three hour breaks and naps while others work 15 hour day.  And if you are doing the 15 hour day, it’s your test to not let negativity rise in regards to fellow crew or the retreat itself.  That’s just how it is.  It’s never boring.    It’s what you agree to when you sign up.  

He Had Been Dead For the Past Twenty Years

Day 50 National Park 2011

 I woke up with total exhaustion from tension and pain from last night.  I recited Great Compassion Mantra and I felt the relief.  I felt lighter and it worked.  I was chilly, I knew I wanted and needed to get up for sunrise but I didn’t get up until 5am.  I made hot tea and drove to the lighthouse for sunrise on the beach.  The scenic view of this morning’s sunrise on the horizon was not what I had expected. On the moon there was a kind of a spot light and everything else was fog.  I sat and drank tea, watched the fog and thought about Native Americans, surrounding chi, and all the drug and alcohol.  Then I went to use the vault toilet and it wasn’t a terrible experience, not as bad as Altaire Campground, that was enough for a lifetime.

 I reflected on my internal chatter, how this and that needed to be right.  Then I connected to how this sets things up for others to be wrong and to be corrected.  The opposite is true too.  They are both on the ends of a teeter totter.  I am still on the teeter totter of struggle.  I don’t need to be right or wrong.  I want to be out of it all.  “Just shut up!” was what I told myself, and then the pressure on my chest lifted. 

I drove one mile back to camp.  The best part about this camp isn’t the sites, nor the light house or the beach or even the town of Bandon.  The best part is the closed beach hours from 10pm-7am and during that time you can have the entire beach to yourself.  It is super cold, windy, foggy but it’s just you and that’s nice.  Lot’s of people camp here, but very few are on the beach. 

I made boiled pasta and crumpled chips into it, tasted surprisingly good.  10 am is hustle and bustle time, all the volunteer crews were out cleaning, picking up trash, etc..  It’s quite an amazing process to see.  There were a lot of volunteers and they are all very nice. 

I drove to old town and parked right in front of the Cranberry Candy store.  The one Harold stressed I should go to.  Everything was yummy.  They had tasters for everything.  What a dangerous place!  All the kids who step in, their eyes light up like Christmas lights.  The staff was pleasant and wonderful.  It is a harmonious place.  I bought CranMarion Berry juice no sugar for $9.75 each.  They gift wrapped it for me.  The women at the store drew me a map of where the blueberry farm is and where to go for wifi at the café and to go to Misty Meadow for jam and honey etc..

I walked to the café and bought a cup of water for tea for $1.15.  I poured in my own Darjeerling tea leaves.  All the staff who worked at the café had really good healthy energy and was pleasant to be around.  I was really impressed. 

I chatted with my sister and realized the dream I had the other day of family and the dog were family distress and disharmony that was physically taking place in real time. 

Today was a good down time day.  I was not feeling well today.  I went to Misty Meadows and bought $100. worth of Jam for gifts.  Now how to get it all home?  I felt really ill when I was done and very tired, low and slow chi and heavy chi.  So I recited Heart Sutra over and over until I reached camp.  I was glad to somehow made it back to camp in one peace, all ten whole miles.  I laid on the hammock and breathed, coaching myself to relax into the illness.  I felt better and got up, ate blueberries, cherries, bread and eggplant.  Then I laid on the hammock some more.  I didn’t make it over to the blueberry farm, I was just overwhelmed and sick. 

Kim came to invite me over for kimchi, rice, hot spicy Korean soup.  I passed, I was stuffed and I really wanted to use the time for more recitation.  Kim watches and looks out for me.  She watches me with curiosity on how I can be alone traveling for fifty days all camping on my own. She finally figured out that I make myself comfortable with things l like, hammock, tea, writing etc…  She said she missed home where she knows how to make herself comfortable.  She always gets the same campsite each year and books it nine months out to ensure it because this site is full every night.  She was impressed on how I know how to tie my own hammock.  So I showed her the only knot I know.  She said I should look into buying a mini camper.  I can barely reach the gas peddle of a mini van and a mini camper will be even worse. 

Kim was born in Korea and was adopted and raised in Kaui.  She lived in San Francisco where she met Harold.  She doesn’t speak Korean and barely cooks Korean food and doesn’t really like seaweed.  But everything about her is Korean, how she does her hair, how she moved her body, even her accent from Kaui is Korean English, isn’t that amazing.  She brings bird seeds and feeds birds each year she comes here, so all the birds love to flock here.  She also brings peanuts, I see the shells at my site. 

The sound of the creek right behind my site was music to my ears at the Humbug Campground.  Here at this site the ocean waves are right behind me too. 

The fog finally cleared at noon and was sunny the rest of the day.  Still the coastal wind was very chilly.  I dashed to the light house to watch the sunset.  The horizon was getting blanketed with thick clouds straight across.  It was like five waves out and creeping in, in the form of fog.  It looked like a tsunami wave.  I felt scared, like the end of the world.  A bit of orange and blue hint lingered and feathered the rest of the sky.  Then a fog above it all grew doom on everything in the short span of half hour and the sky grew dark grey and I got scared and drove back to camp with very little visibility.  

I got into the B loop behind a RV towing a trailer of three dirt bikes.  They found their site and unhooked the trailer, backed the RV into their spot.  They saw me waiting and two men tried to roll the trailer off the narrow loop road.  They needed more people but they rolled it anyways.  It hurt my back just watching them push.  Then finally a third person appeared to help and clear the road for cars to pass. 

I went for the shower and tried a different stall.  The water was lukewarm.  I was once again cold and shivering.  Towards the end it got warm and I stopped shivering.  As I dressed the shower drain burped sprinkles of gutter shower water and splattered onto me.  Gross!  I went to the restroom where there was an outlet to blow dry my hair.  Another woman with red shoes while brushing her teeth spoke her internal dialogue with her mouth full of tooth paste as if she had an audience listening to her.  I politely said good night and ran. 

 

I came across April’s father who told me he was up until 4:30am.  That he had been dead for past twenty years but he is now alive.  So all those nights of talking at the campfire way beyond quiet hours paid off and the fears of the daughter subsided.  The father had been revived!  The magic of campfires!

I put on more layers including socks for bed, it’s cooler tonight.  I was tired and I just wanted to go to bed.  I am amazed at how physically exhausted I felt all day.  

   

Pretty Tiny Green Frog Size of a Toe Nail

Day 49 National Park 2011

I woke up at 4am and packed up camp.  I headed out for Battle Rock for sunrise.  I decided I would go straight to Bandon after and not return to Humbug that I needed to be at Bandon's Bullards beach campground no later than 9am.  I stopped by the restroom and made tea for sunrise.  I parked at the parking lot and saw fog blanket everything.  It was beautiful, and not what I thought for a colorful red sunrise.  I sat and just drank tea and looked out the horizon. 

I contemplated about karma, how it is still the same regardless who notices, who approves or disapproves, who recognizes or not.  It can’t be taken away because of this person’s story or spin on things.  None of it matters.   

Then I felt a depression, a weight on my chest and my mind drifted into dreams of drama, my mind wanders out of fear and reacts in the form of control.  This is movement of darkness within the mind.  The weight lifted when I realized this thing encourages harm and fear, not fearlessness, safe stability and peace.  So I stopped and the weight lifted from my chest. 

I stopped at the grocery store to get rosemary La Brae bread and I didn’t really like it.  I rolled into the campground at 9:14am.  Bob at the kiosk highlighted six sites on the map for me to choose from.  I asked for his recommendation so I didn’t have to do the run around.  He said out of these choices he liked B41 because there are neighbors to the left and right of the campsite.  He insisted I check it out and verify it before committing because people haven’t checked out from site B41 and I can’t register yet.  I drove to look at it and confirmed it.  It’s all tight sites here and packed in like parking lot spots.  People brought their giant RV and are holding their extended family reunions in these sites hanging Christmas lights and Dish TV etc..  I sat until 11am when I was able to finally set up the tent.  It was good I got to the kiosk early because the line got popular and long after me. 

I also visited yurts, I saw each yurt had three beds with heat and no cooking is allowed inside, it’s just $36 a night, what a steal.  The volunteer grounds crew said they reserve the yurt 50 people conference room once a month for volunteers potluck.  What a good idea.  This is a popular campground and there is a lot of staff keeping the place tidy and fast. 

While I sat in my car waiting for my site to vacate, I saw a big plump dog walk by.  In my mind I wondered if it was a dog or a pet mini pig.  I thought, “fat” and then felt the hit in my stomach.  The dog heard that and snapped back, threw crap in my third chakra.  All of it was true, I wasn’t mocking it. 

I set up my tent and hammock.  I moved the picnic table to a nice spot.  I am so excited about the hook up box.  I plugged my long extension chord in and heated the water and charged everything.  I used the induction stove all day.  I cooked napa cabbage in hot and sour sauce then the mung bean noodles in sate sauce. 

I saw a tiny little green frog the size of toe nail on a neighbor’s hook up box.  It was beautiful.  When I drove around the loop, I saw lots of little children on their bikes circling around the loop.  I watched how the older child upon seeing a car will stop, drop his bike and move to roll the little one out of the road in quick urgency.  I find it amazing and beautiful to see. 

I was so tired I took a nap from 2pm-5:45pm.  It was a great nap

My next door neighbor is from El Dorado County, a German man named Harold and his Korean Kauian wife Kim and their two dogs.  Kim gave me seaweed from Oregon beach.  I sat in their campfire and we chatted all over , Harold and I.  Seriously, I can like be silent for months and then I can just jump from that and chat nonstop.  I gave them a box of beautiful delicious Belgium chocolate but I found out Kim was allergic so I gave then cherries instead and Kim said she was hopping for cherries to begin with.  Harold told me about berries to pick in the area.

Oregon for the past few days was a good public, crowd, community, assimilation.  I am okay, I am not feeling too overwhelmed.  I do appreciate 10pm quiet hours.  It is too much all day long, human noise, human activities and all the chatter and interaction.  I was stuffed at 10pm and so I decide to write postcards, all nine of them to send and I charged my batteries.  It was after midnight when I was done.  I went for my shower.  It felt cool for the cold evening ocean temperature.  I had goose bumps and shivered as I showered.  The sensory light went off part way and I tried not be scared during the shower and I was.  I just jumped out of the shower and turn my headlight on.  The sensory light kicked back in.  I hope to not get sick over this.  Shower is included in the camping fee too. 

At 1am, April, John and Dad and the rest of the family were still talking.  It’s good that they have good relationships like that to bond over family.  Sharon, the sister complained yesterday of the quiet hour volunteer patrol who came by to remind them it was quiet hour.  She connected to when she was six years old and in Yosemite, she happily set up a squirrel trap on the trail and a ranger on his horse told her it was illegal.  That shock crushed her and she still has issues of park authorities today.  I can’t believe in her 50’s, that she is still carrying that and said she still has issues with authority over it. 

Then I wondered what issues do I still carry?  How am I like Sharon this way?    

Her Joy Was Contagious and Inspiring

Day 46 National Park 2011

I got up at 5am and brewed a beautiful cup of High Mountain tea.  I sat and thought about how the DRBA monk and nuns do it day in and day out.  I need the weekends, vacations, and summers off.  They just keep going all year long even in the winter Chan meditation.  The forest monks get three months rains retreat and regularly taking turns to take sabbaticals.  I just find them amazing and super human.  I feel defective in comparison, a weakling or something of that sort in comparison. 

I also thought about when I was six my mom told me to cherish book and knowledge as gold.  She wanted all her children to have a college degree and lead better lifestyle.  If only my mother didn’t give up on herself she too could have gotten more education as an adult and realize her childhood dream.  I wished the same for my father too. 

At 9am I went to the restroom and I saw the same teenage girls from China happily taking her time to take care of her skin by herself.  Last night her mother over saw her brushing and rinse of teeth like military training.  This morning she was on her own and her joy and efficiency of taking care of herself was inspiring and contagious for camping lifestyle. 

Camping is fun and good if you know what you need to take care of yourself.  It doesn’t have to be overwhelming drag of discomfort or inconvenience.  It’s only inconvenient if you are not prepared and don’t know what you need to be happy and stay healthy. 

Meditation and recitation today was about confronting struggles of forth chakra and below. 

I tried a can of Bartolli Roasted Peppers with crush Red Peppers for lunch, it was very gross.  I had to chuck it.  I ate cherries for lunch instead. 

I met a woman in the restroom and noticed she was lobster red.  She was washing and taking care of her skin and applying Neosporin on her skin.  I offered burn lotion to her.  Yesterday she did the hike to Muir Camp, base camp for Glacier Mountaineers, that is quite high in elevation.  She has been here since Monday and yesterday was the first sunny day and might be the only one for the week.  So she was not sun block prepared.    

Yesterday’s sun and today’s rain creates icy conditions along with fog.  Today I had plans to do that hike in snow without snow gear or ice gear.  I decided I didn’t need to climb Mt. Rainier in rain, wind, and fog on snow and ice without any snow gear. 

It is wonderful to listen to the quiet air and feel the cool damp overcast lighting on my skin.  I fell asleep during afternoon mediation.  My head was heavy.  It was a good rest and a struggle all in the same time.  I finally woke up two hours later. 

At 5pm I ate more cherries for dinner.  It’s been a very cherry day.  The blue sky was visible during this time. 

In front of the restroom an elder male was wetting his slab of pinewood, machine cut to the size of a long cutting board.  The bark was completely removed and he was wetting it to use it as a smoker.  What a good idea.  National Park wood is better than the ones from commercial stores.      

 

You know you are on the west coast when you see REI, Keen, Mountain Hardware, Osprey, and North Face products.  The rest of the country has access to other products that they are into.  It’s very different in the Rockies and Yellowstone. 

Belly was full of tea at 8pm and I was super wide awake with my nap.  It was a lovely night, a dry night.  I strolled around the campground.  The snow boots kept my feet toasty warm tonight on my stroll.  I stopped at the amphitheatre to listen to a ranger talk and decided I would continue on.  The stars were out tonight, what a treat!  The campground was lovely this evening.  I picked up a log of pine firewood that someone left behind.  It was a bit wet from today’s rain but it wasn’t bad.  I stacked it along with the rest of firewood I collected.  Collecting firewood from each place I’ve been in is a thing for me.    

 

  

On a Car Ferry For the First Time

Day 44 National Park 2011

I got up at 6am and packed everything in 30 minutes.  I rolled off at 7am.  I felt ready to move onto my next adventure.    As I drove the sky was grey and I knew yesterday’s sunshine was a gift.  I stopped at Walmart in Port Angels and spent $33 on pasta, sauce, bread, salad, potato and chips.  I took one last look at Mt. Olympus and the Hurricane Ridge, ah….beautiful.  Honestly, I find it a scenic obstruction with all these concrete buildings, street lights, etc….. 

I followed an RV to Port Townsend, I figured it was going to the port where I wanted to go and this was a good feeling I followed.  I didn’t know where the ferry port was and this RV led me to it.  The ferry was $11.70 for 33 minutes to Courville.  I loaded my car onto the ferry for the first time, I was very excited.  Reservations had first boarding and the rest of us are on standby.  I parked in the reservations lane, I didn’t have reservations.  On the ferry, it was a rough and bumpy ride.  People got out of their car and went up to the deck.  I sat in my car, ate fresh hot rustic bread from Walmart bakery, crispy on the outside and fluffy hot on the inside.  When I stepped out of the car to put food back in the trunk I felt dizzy, ocean sickness and I knew why I had to stay in the car and not move around the ferry like everyone else. 

I drove to Anacar Port, it took me an hour after passing through lots of farms.  I stopped at a cherry stand and bought two bags for $11, delicious cherries.  It was the right size and sweet in flavor, I waited all summer for this.  Living in the Bay Area I am spoiled with access to best produce and fruits.  In traveling, that is what I miss the most. 

 I crossed the street to a café to use the restroom and to pay for a cup of hot water to make tea.  The restroom was clean and the staff gave me a cup of hot water for free.  I was feeling sick like an onset of a cold and the hot Darjeerling tea really hit the spot. 

The San Juan Island is $53 per car, a flat rate.  In terms of time and directions it really didn’t make sense to travel up this way.  I even thought of turning around at the toll booth.  I followed what I saw and I got in line for the ferry, ate cherries, and drank the tea.  I loaded onto the second deck of the ferry.  I saw chromates on the nest by the window harbor.  I slept the entire one hour ride to the island.  I was so tired, I had been driving nonstop for six hours, and I was feeling ill. 

I got off at Friday Harbor, San Juan Island, it was a sunny and beautiful day.  The port looks like any touristy port.  I first went to the west part of the island where the locals said the best view of the Olympus mountains and Canadian islands were.  I had no idea where I was going, I didn’t have map, just followed the feeling of adventure.  It worked out well.  I mean it’s a small island, just don’t drive off the cliff, stay on the road.  I drove to the coast looked at the cliffs, passing farms, state park, and made a u-turn into the San Juan County park.  I needed to use the restroom.

I walked to the edge and looked out at the other islands and Canada.  The campsites were all full here.  Filled with extended families who reserved and brought their giant BBQ double grill set, actual couches facing the ocean to whale watch.  I hear this is the spot. 

I met a high school councilor from Santa Barbara who takes this trip every year and stays at this campground.  She said she was at the school for seven years and was laid off this year due to budget cut and then rehired or reinstated.  I helped her set up her tent in the wind at the walk in site.  She needed a hammer too.  This was a great place to camp on the island in terms of the whale watching. 

I decided to not camp at this part of the island.  I decided to leave the island.  The feeling of the entire island is nice, “You can rest your weary soul and body here, you will be safe and it’s alright.” “Thank You for the offer.” I responded.

Towards the end of my journey on this island, I had to pull over to the side of the road and contemplate the subject of sensitive, turbulent relationships that arose with affliction.  I thought about ideals and  projections people place on each other and expectations from things neither party agreed to or sign up for or is even aware of.  It’s all based on assumptions that somehow our own internal world of workings is the only one and that the rest of the world is to follow our own rhythm and command, like the flow of gravity.  With such demands of, “Well, why wouldn’t they?  Why shouldn’t they?  How dare they don’t?”      

I thought about what a monastery is for, it’s a place to plant blessings and connect positive affinities. I thought about what to follow, it’s the sound of wisdom and compassion, and not any one person.  With such conclusions, my island tour came to a completion.

I parked my car in line for the 6:30pm ferry at Friday Harbor.  I went for a quick stroll around the port and did window peeking.  Everything is overpriced.  I ended up at a café and had their vegetarian cauliflower fennel soup for $5.  It was hearty yummy.  I tasted cauliflower, fennel, sweet potato, a touch of tumeric, cumin, carrots, celery, peas.  I set the leeks aside and the chef said leeks are suppose to clear fungus and so is garlic.  I told her it give me bad gas and she was less offended by my lack of willingness of eating it.

The ferry loaded up at 6:16pm and rolled off at 6:25pm five minutes ahead of schedule and docked at 7:32pm.  I was parked next to the roars of rumbling hot generator.  A nap for an hour on the ferry was just what I needed. 

I drove to i5 and listened to the radio.  It rained and I made it back to Seattle at 9:30pm.  The buildings were all in slate grey and dim, set against the tungsten blue sky with layers of various rain clouds in different density accenting the sky that reflected the ocean and city lights.  Wow, what an amazing beautiful scene.  I could just park and watch the city change colors.  The image was so vivid.  All hands on wheel on this wet road conditions and I didn’t try to photograph this while I drove trough Seattle complex curved highways of many changes.     

Trying to connect to i410 was complex, I got lost over and over in Kent, Auburn, and Enumclaw.    I stopped at Auburn to get gas and to find a clean restroom.  The Albertson’s toilets lock at 10pm.  I had to keep driving and then stop at Enumclaw to use the Safeway to get produce at 11:30pm and use the restroom.  I contemplated sleeping in the parking lot.  I was somehow not tired so I kept on driving for the next three and half hours until 3:15am.  Although I was tired at 1:45am I kept on driving.  Yes that was dangerous considering how tired I was and the road condition was foggy.

In the White River area, I saw lots of women, ghosts wondering about for the past century.  They looked desolate.  Some of them were mix native.  They looked confused.  They lived in confusing times back then. 

Even in the dark, I can feel the beauty of Mt. Rainier National Park.  No visible moon tonight.  I saw three deer at three different times.  I had to drive in dense fog for 2 hours in the park.  I had only twenty feet visibility.  The good thing is there was no other traffic, I was the only car on the road.  It was a very dangerous driving condition.  I drove super slow.  I was pretty determined to get to Cougar Campground but I didn’t find it with three different attempts.  I finally pulled over at the Paradise Inn and rested sitting up in the car to wait out for day light. 

Super cold here, all snow, the grounds are all wet from snow melt.  I am amazed how I am alive and that my car is okay and that no animals were hurt.  I was hoping to see cougars and bobcats at night.  They might have seen me and dashed away.  In this fog, I can’t make out what is what and where is what.  I felt dizzy and my body felt like it just got off a ship, swinging, spinning, and still moving. 

Miles Driven: 456 Miles

Hours on the Road: 16 Hours