Fifteen people showed up for the benefit concert work
crew organizational meeting. The meeting
ended at 9:30pm. Toure and John were
both hungry so we went to Telegraph to eat, they both ordered fried rice. I passed on food because I knew if I ate I
would have to stay up until 3am to digest the food and I really didn’t want
to. It was fun to hang out and chat
about an array of things.
Just a Few More Days
I have been feeling physically tired when I am at home,
the head and tummy aches, so exhausting.
I feel like my body is fighting attacks of my blood. I think a few more days of this and it will
be over. Such thoughts are a comfort.
I Called Him
Still feeling ill with a terrible headache, I baked in
the heat of the sun in my car for added temperature. The sun felt good. I prayed to Guan Yin Bodhisattva for
help. I finally was able to get into my
own head. I thought I felt hungry and opened
a can of cream of corn from the trunk to eat.
I didn’t have a spoon so I just drank it.
I saw someone I knew from a distance, I called him
telepathically, he turned around and said to his friends, “Did someone just
call me?” That was cool.
Unplanned 360 Aerial
Day 22 Snowboarding
I got up at 4:11am, ate Taiwanese red somen noodle soup, drank tea and drove to meet up with Steve and Amy. It was dark and early. I forgot how to get to their place and did a bit of circling. I decided to just pull over and park to wait for our meeting time to arrive and then call them for the address and directions just in case they weren’t awake yet. I drank lemon honey juice and did my hair while I waited. I finally called them and they drove right up to pick me up. I had so much energy from all the excitement and caffeine and vitamin c, I was super wired at 5am.
We drove to Berkeley to pick up Laura Tan and I was just there last night, a few hours ago, felt like a blink of an eye. At Berkeley Steve took the back seat and Amy switched to drive. I rolled into shotgun to keep her awake while she drives. It was lovely to chat with Amy, the Amy I know, the sister I am familiar with, the fun relaxed generous Amy, all and all a very lovely experience.
Conversations in the car was about Asian parents and what they are into, forwarding emails on urban legends they take as truth. We joked about how we should create faux email forwards to parents as communication because they prefer to believe that than their children.
We recited on the drive and did morning ceremony. There was a light heartedness in the reciting, a youthful playfulness. It was all a very lovely experience.
We pulled into Sierra at Tahoe Ski Resort at 9:10am and there was traffic to park. The driveway was on thick ice, snow tires and 4 wheel drive on their borrow vehicle really helped. It’s a comfortable car. Laura signed up for another lesson at $35 including the lesson, lift ticket, and rental, a total deal. We parted at the entrance as we all went on different directions. I got on the highest lift after looking at the clouds and wind thinking that the earlier I get up high the better it is, things might change at this weather and the access might be closed. The lines for these lifts were long and took what seems like forever, an hour to be exact, super busy today. At the line for the lift a few hard core riders from Santa Rosa invited me to join them in the woods, I felt honored, I had to tell them I wasn’t that good of a rider and would not be able to keep up. They look like they do jumps and I don’t know think I will work my way to that. They told me about Shell station deals. These guys told me about the layout of this ski resort and the runs in detail, super amazing, gave me a blue print tree by tree, bump by bump. I followed it the rest of the day, saved me from crashing here and getting stuck there. The Back Side run was fun, full of fresh powder as flurries dropped from the sky. I really loved the powder and contemplated going into the woods to carve. I didn’t pursue it, I caught an edge and fell, the snow was thick and high, I got stuck in 5 feet of powder and had to walk it and I am five feet tall.
A helicopter flew over and search and rescue team on foot worked hard looking for a man who went into the woods yesterday and has been missing over night. They finally found him at 11am and he was dead.
In the midst of joy and breath taking experience in these beautiful woods, I sank into sadness and pain. I asked the wind, blowing hard today to blow away all of this sadness and hurt. Someone else’s dream is my nightmare. I continued to ride chanting, “It ends here. It ends at me.”
I spent the rest of the afternoon feeling better, but the boundless bubbling joy of fun and playfulness never returned. I continue to ride and be entertained, to discover and explore. I stopped for chocolate underneath nice trees.
It was windy, the wind picked up and visibility deteriorated. Lifts began to close, I continue to ride and worked my way to green diamond. I don’t like the green diamonds here, lots of flat spots, not good for snowboard, great for ski.
At Sugar and Spice run I hit a pot hole and did a 360 aerial flip, I managed to land on the top tip edge of the board and crashed. The flip felt good and easy. If I had know I would have gone for a push off and pull in to complete the 360 to land on my feet. This showed me I can do 360 and more if I train. The crash was not great for the body though.
Reception on the mountain was poor in this windy condition. I did not pick up Steve’s message until 3:47pm. The meeting time was for 3:30pm and I missed it. Probably did pick up the message via ESP because I went to the bunny slope at 3pm looking for Laura Tan but I didn’t find her because I didn’t know what she was wearing. I caught up with the others as soon as I picked up the message and met up with everyone at 4pm. Laura ran for another run and I chased after her, I was the last one, the line closed after me. Going down Easy Ride run brought back memories from the last time I was here. It was my first time and I took the lesson, this bunny run, although short was monumental at that time, it took me 45 minutes to get down with lots of rests.
The ride home seemed long because we were tired and we squeezed in a dinner break and stop by Berkeley to drop Laura off. These one day trips are long days.
I got up at 4:11am, ate Taiwanese red somen noodle soup, drank tea and drove to meet up with Steve and Amy. It was dark and early. I forgot how to get to their place and did a bit of circling. I decided to just pull over and park to wait for our meeting time to arrive and then call them for the address and directions just in case they weren’t awake yet. I drank lemon honey juice and did my hair while I waited. I finally called them and they drove right up to pick me up. I had so much energy from all the excitement and caffeine and vitamin c, I was super wired at 5am.
We drove to Berkeley to pick up Laura Tan and I was just there last night, a few hours ago, felt like a blink of an eye. At Berkeley Steve took the back seat and Amy switched to drive. I rolled into shotgun to keep her awake while she drives. It was lovely to chat with Amy, the Amy I know, the sister I am familiar with, the fun relaxed generous Amy, all and all a very lovely experience.
Conversations in the car was about Asian parents and what they are into, forwarding emails on urban legends they take as truth. We joked about how we should create faux email forwards to parents as communication because they prefer to believe that than their children.
We recited on the drive and did morning ceremony. There was a light heartedness in the reciting, a youthful playfulness. It was all a very lovely experience.
We pulled into Sierra at Tahoe Ski Resort at 9:10am and there was traffic to park. The driveway was on thick ice, snow tires and 4 wheel drive on their borrow vehicle really helped. It’s a comfortable car. Laura signed up for another lesson at $35 including the lesson, lift ticket, and rental, a total deal. We parted at the entrance as we all went on different directions. I got on the highest lift after looking at the clouds and wind thinking that the earlier I get up high the better it is, things might change at this weather and the access might be closed. The lines for these lifts were long and took what seems like forever, an hour to be exact, super busy today. At the line for the lift a few hard core riders from Santa Rosa invited me to join them in the woods, I felt honored, I had to tell them I wasn’t that good of a rider and would not be able to keep up. They look like they do jumps and I don’t know think I will work my way to that. They told me about Shell station deals. These guys told me about the layout of this ski resort and the runs in detail, super amazing, gave me a blue print tree by tree, bump by bump. I followed it the rest of the day, saved me from crashing here and getting stuck there. The Back Side run was fun, full of fresh powder as flurries dropped from the sky. I really loved the powder and contemplated going into the woods to carve. I didn’t pursue it, I caught an edge and fell, the snow was thick and high, I got stuck in 5 feet of powder and had to walk it and I am five feet tall.
A helicopter flew over and search and rescue team on foot worked hard looking for a man who went into the woods yesterday and has been missing over night. They finally found him at 11am and he was dead.
In the midst of joy and breath taking experience in these beautiful woods, I sank into sadness and pain. I asked the wind, blowing hard today to blow away all of this sadness and hurt. Someone else’s dream is my nightmare. I continued to ride chanting, “It ends here. It ends at me.”
I spent the rest of the afternoon feeling better, but the boundless bubbling joy of fun and playfulness never returned. I continue to ride and be entertained, to discover and explore. I stopped for chocolate underneath nice trees.
It was windy, the wind picked up and visibility deteriorated. Lifts began to close, I continue to ride and worked my way to green diamond. I don’t like the green diamonds here, lots of flat spots, not good for snowboard, great for ski.
At Sugar and Spice run I hit a pot hole and did a 360 aerial flip, I managed to land on the top tip edge of the board and crashed. The flip felt good and easy. If I had know I would have gone for a push off and pull in to complete the 360 to land on my feet. This showed me I can do 360 and more if I train. The crash was not great for the body though.
Reception on the mountain was poor in this windy condition. I did not pick up Steve’s message until 3:47pm. The meeting time was for 3:30pm and I missed it. Probably did pick up the message via ESP because I went to the bunny slope at 3pm looking for Laura Tan but I didn’t find her because I didn’t know what she was wearing. I caught up with the others as soon as I picked up the message and met up with everyone at 4pm. Laura ran for another run and I chased after her, I was the last one, the line closed after me. Going down Easy Ride run brought back memories from the last time I was here. It was my first time and I took the lesson, this bunny run, although short was monumental at that time, it took me 45 minutes to get down with lots of rests.
The ride home seemed long because we were tired and we squeezed in a dinner break and stop by Berkeley to drop Laura off. These one day trips are long days.
Enjoyed Being With People
It was 9am, we sat and did art. I wanted to be there early to feel the pulse of things and people. It was lovely to sit with John and Toure, I really enjoy their kindred hearts. We talked about a whole bunch of things and dreams. Today I watched people listen to me as I spoke. I couldn’t do this in the past, I was too nervous and afraid of people and internally extremely shy to be able to spare the energy and attention from anxiety to do so. Michelle joined us in the afternoon and we went to Cheeseboard to eat pizza for dinner.
Brother's Birthday Celebration
We went to Maggiano’s for my brother Mike’s birthday celebration. The place was packed on Friday night, I was super surprised we got parking spaces for all three of our cars and we did not manage a seat until 8pm. We finally called it a night at 11pm
His Solo Basketball Workout Inspired Me
This morning I saw a man who inspired me. He was blasting music, sweating to a solo basketball workout for an hour before work. I thought about how I don’t start my day like this anymore. I want to wake up and take care of me this way too, full of joy and excitement over my life and day.
Whatever It Takes, Just Run
Dream
The dream scene switched like channel flipping. It was an old classical Chinese scene that popped in and a man was flaunting his stuff beckoning me, as if it was a privilege for me, as if he was bestowing me a heavenly gift or something. I chose to walk out letting him think I was fetching something, escaping and ran for my life.
The dream scene switched like channel flipping. It was an old classical Chinese scene that popped in and a man was flaunting his stuff beckoning me, as if it was a privilege for me, as if he was bestowing me a heavenly gift or something. I chose to walk out letting him think I was fetching something, escaping and ran for my life.
Pleasant Experience at Any Mountain in Saratoga
I went to Any Mountain with my board and saw Justin who also helped me last time to fit my boots. He was nice and super supportive and helpful. He changed out both braces for me. I told him the left one unbuckles from small to large and the right is broken. He said he did not have a size small brace since I bought them, until 3 weeks ago. Today he found one but it was both a right foot brace. So he pulled a left foot out of the demo board and now I have a pair that works. He gave them a #15 setting for duck feet so I can go goody and righty. Justin made the entire experience a very pleasant one. Thanks!
I just don’t get tired of watching ABDC or So You Think You Can Dance. They just amaze me and inspires me.
I just don’t get tired of watching ABDC or So You Think You Can Dance. They just amaze me and inspires me.
Avalanche and Ice Cream to Smooth It All Out
Dream
Snow on the mountain, avalanche. I am on the street where the snow fell. Ajahn Nyajito was right on it and went straight to check it out. It doesn’t feel like anyone was injured. Ajahn Passano stood right behind me and he was Ajahn Nyajito’s senior. I heard Rev. Heng Sure run out to where we were inquiring how everything was. Ajahn Passano debriefed him. This entire time I had no face to face contact with any of the monks even thought I was right there in the conversation. I turned right away from the mountain and the monks and headed for an ice cream shop. I sat and licked ice cream with two blond girls. I can’t even digest ice cream or want it. But I needed to laugh and we were giggling and laughing hysterically.
Snow on the mountain, avalanche. I am on the street where the snow fell. Ajahn Nyajito was right on it and went straight to check it out. It doesn’t feel like anyone was injured. Ajahn Passano stood right behind me and he was Ajahn Nyajito’s senior. I heard Rev. Heng Sure run out to where we were inquiring how everything was. Ajahn Passano debriefed him. This entire time I had no face to face contact with any of the monks even thought I was right there in the conversation. I turned right away from the mountain and the monks and headed for an ice cream shop. I sat and licked ice cream with two blond girls. I can’t even digest ice cream or want it. But I needed to laugh and we were giggling and laughing hysterically.
Dalai Lama Connection
Dream
I am in a public space, Dalai Lama and his monks were visiting and a lot of people came to attend the event and to meet him personally. But somehow they don’t seem to see him when he walks by. I had to point him out and push people to pay respects and connect them. I hid behind a pillar because I was dressed in a business dress and not for a religious setting. So I bowed and sent my respects behind a pillar in the meeting room. His monks saw me hiding behind the pillar.
I am in a public space, Dalai Lama and his monks were visiting and a lot of people came to attend the event and to meet him personally. But somehow they don’t seem to see him when he walks by. I had to point him out and push people to pay respects and connect them. I hid behind a pillar because I was dressed in a business dress and not for a religious setting. So I bowed and sent my respects behind a pillar in the meeting room. His monks saw me hiding behind the pillar.
Jon Stewart! You Are So Funny
I woke up with a stingy fire thorny ring around my head. I recited in the car in the parking lot at work. I was tired and unable to be fully in my head. I prayed and asked Guan Yin Bodhisattva for help. I am in a terrible condition to perform at work and that is not fair to everyone else I have the affinities to come across at work today. I felt the disturbance stuck chi in the back of my head where the cerebellum is.
Watching Comedy Central with Jon Stewart makes me laugh. Watching iCarly makes me laugh. Watching old Tom and Jerry by the original artists and creators makes me laugh. Watching old Looney Tunes makes me laugh. My simple goal each day is to laugh silly throughout the day.
I have been feeling ill for a few days now. I have been fighting the onset of illness with fresh OJ. If I need to go for a knockout, I may have to go for some Indian food.
Watching Comedy Central with Jon Stewart makes me laugh. Watching iCarly makes me laugh. Watching old Tom and Jerry by the original artists and creators makes me laugh. Watching old Looney Tunes makes me laugh. My simple goal each day is to laugh silly throughout the day.
I have been feeling ill for a few days now. I have been fighting the onset of illness with fresh OJ. If I need to go for a knockout, I may have to go for some Indian food.
Silence Feels Great
Day 21 Snowboarding
It feels good to not talk. Not because I have been silenced, slapped with fear or muted with death threats. Well, because I just want to continue forward in my life, in my growth, in my transformation. There is no right or wrong, better or not even questions. It’s just about what darkness needs to light up within me and what hooks to untangle myself from, what can I let go of now and keep up the work involved and just work, work, and more work. It’s pure satisfaction like drinking pure sweet natural water from a pure spring or a good quality cup of tea will do too. I am able to do this because I have stopped worrying and fearing of others. I see each person’s strength and their affinities and dedication to service and I have full faith in each person’s sincere practice that will ride them through all storms into safety of Nirvana shores.
I efficiently packed and loaded the car. It’s like a routine now. The car was iced and I could only open two doors. Fortunately I could open the driver door. The trunk was iced over but I managed to pry it open and crack the ice off. I cleared the snow off the car for safe driving for me and others. I made it up to the lot at 9:30am.
It was snowing and a total whiteout today. The snow flurried from the sky beautifully. The buttery snow was just wonderful. I am limited to certain slopes because of my broken brace, so I goofy foot on. I fell a lot and did okay on some turns on today’s fresh powder. A 3 year old kid snowboarded and jumped by me. Every time he fell on the Blue Diamond runs, he flipped because of his speed and his size. He was super cute like a cartoon character.
On the Mombo slope I felt a ball of weight like the size of tennis ball sitting on my immune system. I looked at it and it was green, goblin green, bile green yellow. It was a ball of jealous energy looking for a chance to thieve. So I talked to it and encouraged action and movement into manifesting their dreams instead of putting their energy on me. Their inability lies within their lack of proper course of action to manifest their dreams and not within me.
I made it down to the lot for departure by noon. I ate chips with olives and beets for lunch. By 12:40pm I was ready to roll off. As I rolled off, blue sky was peeking through and the sky was clearing up. The grey whiteout powder conditions moved east. I checked the Cal Tran and the road conditions still called for chains. However the radio said no chains. So when I got down onto Ski Run I pulled over and removed my chains, the whole process took me 10 minutes. I was happy to reach Echo Summit without chains. There was plenty of snow on the banks, the lanes were altered by the walls of snow. People were careful and managed to drive accordingly. The traffic was light and pleasant. The snow shower continued in seven thousand feet mountain area. Without the bright rays of noon time, visibility would have been too difficult, and the light traffic of weekdays is so pleasant. I see why people take a week off to spend at the snow. At 5,000 feet elevation, rain down poured in large drops, pounding hard. It was quite difficult to drive in such condition, but light traffic really eased things up.
Bridal Veil Falls was upper amazing, covered in snow and ice on the ride up, of which I did not stop to take a picture of, today, snow was all melted and the mountain was grey and brown. I was careful about my liquid in take because I did not want to be stuck in the mountain and not have access to restroom.
How do I know I am in the Sacramento vicinity? My arm started to hurt and I was feeling tired and distracted. Sacramento is a difficult city of pain, stagnation, and it is the capitol of California. I turned the radio on and sang along. The rain continued to down pour. I enjoy seeing the mountains at Danville area.
Broke a Brace
Day 20 Snowboarding
I woke up with green phlegm. I drank a lot of tea this morning. Felt really good to recite. I miss Dharma study and regular meditation. It’s time to get back into the groove. At 10:45am I cleared my car of snow and put coolant in the reserve, all three cups. It snowed all day today. I walked to Blue Go Bus stop right in front of the inn. I waited for what seemed like a long time. A lot of snow accumulated on me as I waited. The road at 11am was all ice.
I made it to the lot at 12pm. The snow was amazingly buttery. This is just so much fun! My right toe brace broke early in the day. I decided to keep riding with just left brace fully functional. I was careful and aware of my situation and the possible injury of tearing of my knee from this if I fly off on a fall. I found a way to keep riding, go goofy. I fell a lot. But today was not a bad day to fall on fresh fluffy powder. I will get a new brace when I get home. I did spend half the day asking myself why I had to have a broken brace and limit the use of my board control on such an amazing gifted day of fresh powder. Yup the complainer within was back, so annoying. I took a sandwich break underneath the trees overlooking the amazing lake. I almost missed the last lifts down. Patsy was closed, I rushed to catch the Groove down and connected with the last lift down Gun Barrel at 4:30pm.
I ran for the shuttle and took the Gold route back to the inn. The driver was Hispanic, a happy fellow. It is very nice to see happy people at their job. I came back and cleared more snow off my car in case it rained, it will all become ice clinched to my car.
What's the Calling?
Dream
I am inside BBM dining hall. It is evening and I walked through the hallway to leave. A group of people came in and called me into the dining hall. We sat in a circle on chairs. There is about 8 of us. Rev. Heng Sure is by Louie watching over this. People in the circle looked ordinary, young professionals in their 30’s, all western faces of both genders. I have no idea what the meeting was about or why I am in this circle along with everyone else.
Rev. Heng Sure got up and walked into the circle, announces as if there was a large forum of audience observing this circle from somewhere, “No one has ever turned down the callings from any of these individuals, do not underestimate them.” This announcement was without joy or his usual public persona form. It was serious, all business and driving in the point. His eyes looked disappointed.
I saw in each person sitting in the circle, each individual Rev. Heng Sure was giving reverence to, their past lives and the grassroots revolutions they planned, carryout and succeeded in making changes benefiting the mass. Then they moved on and retired into everyday ordinary common next door neighbor person. Now the time has come where they have come to gather here to bring forth their bravery and strength.
I wondered what I was doing sitting in this circle of amazing awesomeness. How is it that I am in the circle of leaders, and that I am also the audience Rev. Heng Sure was addressing to follow? What is going on? What will happen? What is the calling?
I am inside BBM dining hall. It is evening and I walked through the hallway to leave. A group of people came in and called me into the dining hall. We sat in a circle on chairs. There is about 8 of us. Rev. Heng Sure is by Louie watching over this. People in the circle looked ordinary, young professionals in their 30’s, all western faces of both genders. I have no idea what the meeting was about or why I am in this circle along with everyone else.
Rev. Heng Sure got up and walked into the circle, announces as if there was a large forum of audience observing this circle from somewhere, “No one has ever turned down the callings from any of these individuals, do not underestimate them.” This announcement was without joy or his usual public persona form. It was serious, all business and driving in the point. His eyes looked disappointed.
I saw in each person sitting in the circle, each individual Rev. Heng Sure was giving reverence to, their past lives and the grassroots revolutions they planned, carryout and succeeded in making changes benefiting the mass. Then they moved on and retired into everyday ordinary common next door neighbor person. Now the time has come where they have come to gather here to bring forth their bravery and strength.
I wondered what I was doing sitting in this circle of amazing awesomeness. How is it that I am in the circle of leaders, and that I am also the audience Rev. Heng Sure was addressing to follow? What is going on? What will happen? What is the calling?
Off Schedule
Day 19 Snowboarding
I finally rolled out at 5:48am, I am 12 minutes behind schedule. I had pumpkin soup. While walking in the dark outside the steps of the door, my foot stepped on something that cracked and it sounded like a shell of snails. I hope I didn’t. I think I did. I am so sorry. I wondered if I was on time in getting out the door, would I have missed this snail crossing. What if I stepped a little to the right or left, would I have missed it?
The drive without cruise control can be just exhausting. When I saw the rolling hills before getting onto 80, it just makes me happy. When I got onto 80E I saw lots of cars with ski and snowboards on the car and I get really happy and excited. I heard on the radio that chains were required. I stopped at Placerville to pump gas. I so needed to use the restroom too.
I saw a man next to my parked car putting on his chains. His name was Lucas. He has a condo in I89 and has plans for Kirkwood. The condo was booked for Friday and into the weekend. But 89 was closed and so he lost a night, he is from Oakland. I told him chains are like a two person thing and that we can help each other. I ruined my pretty manicure while doing my chains. I am sad about that. But what was worse was I used my injured arm and it made it worse. I was in pain. Lucas helped me to click the inside chains for me. After seeing me put bungees on my chains, Lucas decided to put his bungees on too. Bungees keep the chain from derailing off the wheel and destroying the chain, tired, and axle. I called Caltran and I89 was still closed for him. I hope he was able to get to where he needed.
I proceeded to Heavenly after rice and nori. I wondered as I ate, if I had been 12 whole minutes earlier and was on time, would have I missed Lucas or if I had stopped to pee at Sacramento instead? Lucas needed help with chains and a road status call on the phone and bungees.
Chain control was 12 miles from the gas station. Lucas was right about putting chains on dry cement in a parking lot, way better than by the road on black ice and brown snow. The last 70 miles of the drive took me 3 hours because the safe speed for chains is 25mph. There was ice on the road especially over Echo Summit. My ankle trembled the whole 70 miles all three hours in fear and worry of the road conditions and lack of experience. I decided I would not take the chains off because I need them this entire weekend and possibly getting up into Heavenly parking lot.
I made it to Heavenly at 12pm. I was exhausted. That last 70 miles and extra hours of driving time made me question my sanity for coming this weekend. At the parking lot I knew once I am on the snow I will forget it all, all this doubt, fear, fatigue and the dread of the drive back. I was right. I got on the lift at 1pm. The snow was like butter. It was like butter cream on a cake and there was plenty of it. I was so so happy, it was so much fun. The Sky lift was shut down due to high wind gusts. I spent my time on High Five runs and that was super windy too. I had to stop when I see mini tornados swirling 10 feet by 30 feet, swirling snow. It is very difficult to ride through or in the tornado swirls. It’s about a 7 minute wait and it moves on and breaks up, until the next one somewhere else.
As I sat and waited and watched the tornado, I prayed and asked the wind, “Please blow way my ignorance and desires and all unwholesome attachments, leave me clean with compassion and wisdom.” I sang the repentance verses and wait for visibility to return before continuing down the slope. The slope was lumpy and hard on the joints, lots of jumps and hops taken without skill or intention. It was exhausting and unpleasant at times. I did manage to do the connective” e”, that was nice, very satisfying.
Things I thought about on the snow today, what is unavoidable is the calling to look within and revamp the dysfunctional inside. I don’t actually know how really. I know I need time to focus on it, I can, I am capable, I have all that I need.
While on one of the lifts, I sat next to a man from Austria who told me to do Western Austria where there are lots of lakes good for hiking.
The arm injury is still around and so is the right knee on the left inside corner, both still hanging out. Yup, I will need to heal from all of this when the snow melts, while the snow is still good, I don’t want to go see a doctor who will tell me to lay off using my body and stay off the snow. The injured spot on my arm is dried plum purple grey. I think there is black blood sitting stuck there or maybe I just keep injuring it and making it bleed on the inside over and over. As for the knee, I have been icing it on the snow when I take breaks on the slope to keep the inflammation down.
I went for the free hot coco stand by the bus stop at the end of the day. It was yummy this time. Since lifts of CA to NV closed, lots of people stood in line for shuttle transfer. At noon upon arrival, I took the time to ask the driver about bus shuttle for tomorrow. The bus runs from the transit center at 8am and it takes 20 minutes to get to Ski Run and runs every half an hour on weekend before 2pm.
At the parking lot, I checked my chains, one is only at 3 knots and it’s too loose, which will ruin the tires and the chain. But both Lucas and I were not strong enough to click it closer. I felt male strength but I only saw a female, still I went with my intuition and I walked towards that car and asked, a boy in junior high turns around, her son, her son who kindly said yes and we tried without any success. His brothers showed up and he called for Andrews. Andrews was in high school and looked more like a grown man. Andrews along with his buddies were all at least 6 feet tall of the same physique, as if they all came out of the same factory molding. He too tried without success and went to his car to get a tool, a pair of pliers and was able to get in the 4th knot. I was so happy. I reached for the salt and vinegar chips and handed to the boys as thanks for helping me. Andrews passed the chips to share with his buddies. It all worked out, it was their favorite flavor of chips. I was glad. The mom stayed silent and looking disturbed, concerned, protective this entire time. I understood her and she understood me. She wasn’t all that comfortable but she dealt with it and was politely silent about it. Thanks Mom! Thanks for your patient nurturing love.
I decided I would go to Safeway and restock on the chips to stash for the trunk to give. Nothing is free in life and I am sorry about the first and second time the guys helped me and I had nothing prepared to offer and how I also forgot to do so when I did. The Safeway run after a day of snow is like a party scene. The place is packed full of visitors.
I was so tired by 7pm, I was also in a lot of physical pain, I had to lay on the bed and watch TV sideways.
I finally rolled out at 5:48am, I am 12 minutes behind schedule. I had pumpkin soup. While walking in the dark outside the steps of the door, my foot stepped on something that cracked and it sounded like a shell of snails. I hope I didn’t. I think I did. I am so sorry. I wondered if I was on time in getting out the door, would I have missed this snail crossing. What if I stepped a little to the right or left, would I have missed it?
The drive without cruise control can be just exhausting. When I saw the rolling hills before getting onto 80, it just makes me happy. When I got onto 80E I saw lots of cars with ski and snowboards on the car and I get really happy and excited. I heard on the radio that chains were required. I stopped at Placerville to pump gas. I so needed to use the restroom too.
I saw a man next to my parked car putting on his chains. His name was Lucas. He has a condo in I89 and has plans for Kirkwood. The condo was booked for Friday and into the weekend. But 89 was closed and so he lost a night, he is from Oakland. I told him chains are like a two person thing and that we can help each other. I ruined my pretty manicure while doing my chains. I am sad about that. But what was worse was I used my injured arm and it made it worse. I was in pain. Lucas helped me to click the inside chains for me. After seeing me put bungees on my chains, Lucas decided to put his bungees on too. Bungees keep the chain from derailing off the wheel and destroying the chain, tired, and axle. I called Caltran and I89 was still closed for him. I hope he was able to get to where he needed.
I proceeded to Heavenly after rice and nori. I wondered as I ate, if I had been 12 whole minutes earlier and was on time, would have I missed Lucas or if I had stopped to pee at Sacramento instead? Lucas needed help with chains and a road status call on the phone and bungees.
Chain control was 12 miles from the gas station. Lucas was right about putting chains on dry cement in a parking lot, way better than by the road on black ice and brown snow. The last 70 miles of the drive took me 3 hours because the safe speed for chains is 25mph. There was ice on the road especially over Echo Summit. My ankle trembled the whole 70 miles all three hours in fear and worry of the road conditions and lack of experience. I decided I would not take the chains off because I need them this entire weekend and possibly getting up into Heavenly parking lot.
I made it to Heavenly at 12pm. I was exhausted. That last 70 miles and extra hours of driving time made me question my sanity for coming this weekend. At the parking lot I knew once I am on the snow I will forget it all, all this doubt, fear, fatigue and the dread of the drive back. I was right. I got on the lift at 1pm. The snow was like butter. It was like butter cream on a cake and there was plenty of it. I was so so happy, it was so much fun. The Sky lift was shut down due to high wind gusts. I spent my time on High Five runs and that was super windy too. I had to stop when I see mini tornados swirling 10 feet by 30 feet, swirling snow. It is very difficult to ride through or in the tornado swirls. It’s about a 7 minute wait and it moves on and breaks up, until the next one somewhere else.
As I sat and waited and watched the tornado, I prayed and asked the wind, “Please blow way my ignorance and desires and all unwholesome attachments, leave me clean with compassion and wisdom.” I sang the repentance verses and wait for visibility to return before continuing down the slope. The slope was lumpy and hard on the joints, lots of jumps and hops taken without skill or intention. It was exhausting and unpleasant at times. I did manage to do the connective” e”, that was nice, very satisfying.
Things I thought about on the snow today, what is unavoidable is the calling to look within and revamp the dysfunctional inside. I don’t actually know how really. I know I need time to focus on it, I can, I am capable, I have all that I need.
While on one of the lifts, I sat next to a man from Austria who told me to do Western Austria where there are lots of lakes good for hiking.
The arm injury is still around and so is the right knee on the left inside corner, both still hanging out. Yup, I will need to heal from all of this when the snow melts, while the snow is still good, I don’t want to go see a doctor who will tell me to lay off using my body and stay off the snow. The injured spot on my arm is dried plum purple grey. I think there is black blood sitting stuck there or maybe I just keep injuring it and making it bleed on the inside over and over. As for the knee, I have been icing it on the snow when I take breaks on the slope to keep the inflammation down.
I went for the free hot coco stand by the bus stop at the end of the day. It was yummy this time. Since lifts of CA to NV closed, lots of people stood in line for shuttle transfer. At noon upon arrival, I took the time to ask the driver about bus shuttle for tomorrow. The bus runs from the transit center at 8am and it takes 20 minutes to get to Ski Run and runs every half an hour on weekend before 2pm.
At the parking lot, I checked my chains, one is only at 3 knots and it’s too loose, which will ruin the tires and the chain. But both Lucas and I were not strong enough to click it closer. I felt male strength but I only saw a female, still I went with my intuition and I walked towards that car and asked, a boy in junior high turns around, her son, her son who kindly said yes and we tried without any success. His brothers showed up and he called for Andrews. Andrews was in high school and looked more like a grown man. Andrews along with his buddies were all at least 6 feet tall of the same physique, as if they all came out of the same factory molding. He too tried without success and went to his car to get a tool, a pair of pliers and was able to get in the 4th knot. I was so happy. I reached for the salt and vinegar chips and handed to the boys as thanks for helping me. Andrews passed the chips to share with his buddies. It all worked out, it was their favorite flavor of chips. I was glad. The mom stayed silent and looking disturbed, concerned, protective this entire time. I understood her and she understood me. She wasn’t all that comfortable but she dealt with it and was politely silent about it. Thanks Mom! Thanks for your patient nurturing love.
I decided I would go to Safeway and restock on the chips to stash for the trunk to give. Nothing is free in life and I am sorry about the first and second time the guys helped me and I had nothing prepared to offer and how I also forgot to do so when I did. The Safeway run after a day of snow is like a party scene. The place is packed full of visitors.
I was so tired by 7pm, I was also in a lot of physical pain, I had to lay on the bed and watch TV sideways.
"This is what you do right?"
I watched Winter X Games hosted by France on Men’s snowboarding half pipe finals. My mom saw a scene in passing and asked, “This is what you do right?” I insisted, “I’m no where this good.” Nowhere near it is the reality and won’t be this lifetime. She saw the snowboard and just assumed that is what I do. Nope, there is not going to be jumping or hopping for me on the board, it’s a lot on the joints.
Python Tuna Fish Hero
Dream
It is day time, overcast and in the afternoon everything looked brown and grey. I am in the backyard returning via the fence crossing over from neighboring property. I put one foot on the soil and it was slick, muddy, shiny. I stop all movement. Next to my foot was a baby cobra, green top with light green cream bottom and a diamond head. I scream for Sher to help me and hold me steady so I can move without startling the baby snake whom I see has the potential to attack. I got her support as she planted her foot next to the snake. She did not see the baby cobra whom I was avoiding. Sher is now no longer in the scene.
As I prepared to move, the soil moved and it was all moving. I saw pythons big grey muddy brown, slick and big like a giant tuna body but with a snake head. It moves in a way that reversed my slip and saves me from the cobra attack, it delivered me away from dangerous snake area onto safe cement area of the yard. Others came out to the yard. I told them about the snakes to watch out for them and no one heard it or saw them. Everyone was okay. I am grateful for this friend, this fish python friend who ensured my safety.
I woke up feeling ashamed. That I have not noticed and been grateful for those and all things in each moment who helped to keep me safe and going. Why haven’t I bothered? It is a mistake to live this way. I am grateful for what this dream has taught me.
And with this contemplation and change of mind, a lump of beings left the left lung that was burrowed half an inch in, these being fed off ungrateful thoughts of resentment and grudges.
It is day time, overcast and in the afternoon everything looked brown and grey. I am in the backyard returning via the fence crossing over from neighboring property. I put one foot on the soil and it was slick, muddy, shiny. I stop all movement. Next to my foot was a baby cobra, green top with light green cream bottom and a diamond head. I scream for Sher to help me and hold me steady so I can move without startling the baby snake whom I see has the potential to attack. I got her support as she planted her foot next to the snake. She did not see the baby cobra whom I was avoiding. Sher is now no longer in the scene.
As I prepared to move, the soil moved and it was all moving. I saw pythons big grey muddy brown, slick and big like a giant tuna body but with a snake head. It moves in a way that reversed my slip and saves me from the cobra attack, it delivered me away from dangerous snake area onto safe cement area of the yard. Others came out to the yard. I told them about the snakes to watch out for them and no one heard it or saw them. Everyone was okay. I am grateful for this friend, this fish python friend who ensured my safety.
I woke up feeling ashamed. That I have not noticed and been grateful for those and all things in each moment who helped to keep me safe and going. Why haven’t I bothered? It is a mistake to live this way. I am grateful for what this dream has taught me.
And with this contemplation and change of mind, a lump of beings left the left lung that was burrowed half an inch in, these being fed off ungrateful thoughts of resentment and grudges.
Vampire Brides
Dream
I am inside a classical Chinese house and there were many bedrooms on the second floor. Two vampires, male, came through the window without guns and proposed to pick up takers for sexual partners. None showed interest and all were in fear, everyone transforms into insect size and mounted themselves to the ceiling in fear of being captured. Mr. G’s youngest daughter volunteers and threw herself at the vampire at the bed leg spreading herself out. He tests her equipment and an agreement was made. They’ve hooked up. It is sunny outside. Both pairs, vampire and bride shape shifts into flying insects and hides in the dark parts of the ceiling too to wait for dark to arrive before taking off.
I am inside a classical Chinese house and there were many bedrooms on the second floor. Two vampires, male, came through the window without guns and proposed to pick up takers for sexual partners. None showed interest and all were in fear, everyone transforms into insect size and mounted themselves to the ceiling in fear of being captured. Mr. G’s youngest daughter volunteers and threw herself at the vampire at the bed leg spreading herself out. He tests her equipment and an agreement was made. They’ve hooked up. It is sunny outside. Both pairs, vampire and bride shape shifts into flying insects and hides in the dark parts of the ceiling too to wait for dark to arrive before taking off.
Letter of Surprises
I received letters of apologies today. I was surprised and shocked. No one has bothered to do that on their own accord. What a decent civilized classy thing to do. How nice! How nice it is to be inspired to see things differently this way.
Thank You Friends
Dream
It is twilight time. The setting looks like Jiou Fen, Taiwan with tiny step ways, steep. Two pianos were being carried to a place. I am suppose to help this guy carry one while the other carry the second. My back is completely bloody from lashes, these lashes were inflicted by a father figure in this dream. I could not walk or move. I climbed onto the piano and the brown hair young strong male friend carried the piano for me and me on his back. I am so grateful. We met up with the other guy and the second piano all the way up the mountain. I got off the piano and off ,this friend’s support. We divided the load for a better balance to continue up the difficult mountain.
I collapsed, others came to help me, they picked me up and discovered my entire back was bleeding and my skin was all gone, ripped from lashes, exposing the flesh. I got carried to a house of a friendly place. I am quarantined to protect me from infections. A candle lit the room. I am on my belly, my back was treated and my head propped up to relax. A female friend checked on me and dabs water on my lips through such a time. I was completely unable to move not even an inch. And with this healing and intervention, I escaped from the abuse of this male father figure.
It is twilight time. The setting looks like Jiou Fen, Taiwan with tiny step ways, steep. Two pianos were being carried to a place. I am suppose to help this guy carry one while the other carry the second. My back is completely bloody from lashes, these lashes were inflicted by a father figure in this dream. I could not walk or move. I climbed onto the piano and the brown hair young strong male friend carried the piano for me and me on his back. I am so grateful. We met up with the other guy and the second piano all the way up the mountain. I got off the piano and off ,this friend’s support. We divided the load for a better balance to continue up the difficult mountain.
I collapsed, others came to help me, they picked me up and discovered my entire back was bleeding and my skin was all gone, ripped from lashes, exposing the flesh. I got carried to a house of a friendly place. I am quarantined to protect me from infections. A candle lit the room. I am on my belly, my back was treated and my head propped up to relax. A female friend checked on me and dabs water on my lips through such a time. I was completely unable to move not even an inch. And with this healing and intervention, I escaped from the abuse of this male father figure.
Not Afraid
Dream
I am in a basement of a wooden ship. Mike is there and the water level was rising. It seems like no problem because the water was getting pumped out. But the water was rising faster than the pump could handle. This water is clear clean drinking water. I am at the ceiling pushed up by the water. The stairs up the deck is next to me. I can go for it if I need air so I don’t drown. I didn’t care to go up the deck and was not nervous about not being able to wait for the pump to pump out the water.
I am in a basement of a wooden ship. Mike is there and the water level was rising. It seems like no problem because the water was getting pumped out. But the water was rising faster than the pump could handle. This water is clear clean drinking water. I am at the ceiling pushed up by the water. The stairs up the deck is next to me. I can go for it if I need air so I don’t drown. I didn’t care to go up the deck and was not nervous about not being able to wait for the pump to pump out the water.
What We Teach Our Children
Dream
I am on the road, it is grey, dark, twilight or dawn. The dark time of the night with a bit of light that you can see the figures. Ahead towards the horizon was where we were all walking. 100 feet ahead I see a family. The father smacked his son. The wife saw this and just for seeing this, the husband slaps her for it. The daughter witnesses all of this too. Will she learn from her mother to be a recipient of violence and stay silent? I am in disbelief and turns to ask others if they saw all this violence?
I am on the road, it is grey, dark, twilight or dawn. The dark time of the night with a bit of light that you can see the figures. Ahead towards the horizon was where we were all walking. 100 feet ahead I see a family. The father smacked his son. The wife saw this and just for seeing this, the husband slaps her for it. The daughter witnesses all of this too. Will she learn from her mother to be a recipient of violence and stay silent? I am in disbelief and turns to ask others if they saw all this violence?
The Worst of This Run Was Over, The Rest Gets Easier
Day 18 Snowboarding 2011 Season
Time change, we sprang forward. I was not aware of this and so I found myself an hour lost and behind. This meant an hour less on the mountain. Oh well, it’s the quality and not quantity on the slopes. Powder on the slopes today. It was nice and quiet. I enjoyed sitting on the snow and watching the powder fall and listening to myself and the wind. I am more accustomed to the cold and after that cold storm in February of -25 degrees wind chill, it doesn’t seem so bad. As I sat to rest and enjoy the snow on Ellie’s a staff ski by me and asked if I was okay and injured. I told him I was just tired. He assured me the worst of this run was over and the rest is easier and encouraged me that the end of the slope was near. Another reason to love this mountain, awesome staff! I was able to do consecutive circles today, that was so much fun and very satisfying.
On Sky Express today I sat next to a woman who wants to do the walk from France to Spain, the Camio de Santiago. So I chatted with her about Guri’s trip. She also told me the way from Swiss into Italy. There is also one from Austria to Swiss into Italy. I told her I won’t be doing it this year but maybe later.
Today I reflected on the last ten years, how it was the brightest and the darkest of times. I was so sick every day. I don’t know how I would have been able to get out of bed if not from the help of all the projects at Berkeley Buddhist Monastery and all the spiritual aid. I am very grateful. I wished for the health and welfare of all beings.
The drive home was rainy. I sped up and down the mountain in focus and quick time as if I’ve been driving this mountain for years. In Sacramento I started to feel sleepy and tired. The focus on the road took effort and there was a lot of traffic, on top of it all the rain was on down pour. I refused to stop to pee.
I feel between Sacramento and Dixon area there is a gateway, it’s is a border of something. There is significant shift and always a slowdown in traffic. Whit all this rain, the 680 drive was just beautiful with rolling green luscious hills. I thought how it would be nice to hike these hills.
Let It Go, Swo Pwo He
Day 17 Snowboarding 2011 Season
I woke up at 3am. I was so wired and ready to go. I rolled off at 4:35am after a bowl of instant noodles. I made it to Heavenly parking lot at 9am and did not leave the slopes until 4:20pm. California side of runs were ice and slush where as Nevada side had powder to ride on. During one of the earlier runs on the California side I had to sit in the middle of the slope because I was tired. I avoided the sides because riders tend to do jumps off the sides. I figured center is visible and people can avoid me. A guy yelled at me to move to the side instead.
At Nevada side, I felt so good riding off a slope all alone, quiet no traffic. I picked the right side edge of the run to ride on. Suddenly a guy on his ski came right behind fast and was parallel to me. He looses control and falls, I was glad to have dodged him and his fall. I slowed down and turned around to ask if he was okay. He held his arms out signaling I caused his crash fall and I kept riding on. I felt scared form that violent anger and confused too. There was no one else, just us on this wide open beautifully groom slope.
I decided to sit by the side to process this and recover from the incident. The guy passes by later and yells at me again. He claims I cut him off. I yell back in my defense, “You came up from behind, you are suppose to watch out for people ahead of you!” He goes on yelling, “Go back to bunny slope!” His friend rides by gesturing with his hands to ignore his raging lunatic friend.
I finished my run bummed and thinking, “I can’t seem to escape drama!” I then wondered if I should just quit snowboarding and Heavenly all together. I think too much sometimes. My sunshine day turned so gloomy, I sure was bummed. I then found myself freaking out and looking backwards as I head down the slopes, totally dangerous, got to look forward and watch where I am going.
I stopped and asked myself, “What is this person teaching me? Am I just like him going around looking for trouble just to blame someone else for what misery I have created for myself?”
I then felt sorry for the ski guy. He must have failed in his relationships with this kind of logic, habit, and spirit. I felt even more sorry for him for being on this beautiful mountain and not having a good time. How is that even possible?
Then I thought about violence is contagious and I better not catch it. My riding mantra became, “Let it go, swo pwo he”. I recited Guan Yin Bodhisattva’s name to calm down and enjoyed a piece of chocolate.
On my way back to the California side, I came across 3 teenagers who only spoke Spanish. They did not have snow gear on. One of them was wearing jeans, other a rain pants, all were on cotton hoodie. They asked if I could show them how to not fall so much and turn. I had so much fun watching them try and enjoy each fall every other second and laughing through it all. Just like that the sunshine within returned.
When I made it back to California side, I took Maggie’s and came across a flat spot, not good for snowboarders. A young man slung me forward to propel me. I in turn try to slung him without much progress due to lack of arm muscle strength. So when I got to a section where I was so stuck I had to unbuckle my brace, I pushed him to propel him forward. It was so much fun, I felt like I was in third grade all over again. Just like that the sunshine within brightened even more.
What else did I learn on the snowy slopes today? The rhythm I enjoy is peace, happy, fun, joy, learning, discovery, play. I learned that on my path, I will come across people sometimes and it is about setting them straight if they asked for it like the skier. Sometimes it is helping and teaching others like the 3 teenagers this afternoon on the snowboarding turns. Sometimes it's to receive help from others and return it like the guy who slung me forward. I can’t live life looking back, behind, past. As for service, there is opportunities everywhere.
My face looked purple, grey, with black spots, I think it was due to getting blasted from that one skier. My whole face is on fire. I felt so exhausted. I drove to Safeway and somehow spent $18. on dinner, I might as well have gone out to eat somewhere with a nice view and not even have to do dishes.
I woke up at 3am. I was so wired and ready to go. I rolled off at 4:35am after a bowl of instant noodles. I made it to Heavenly parking lot at 9am and did not leave the slopes until 4:20pm. California side of runs were ice and slush where as Nevada side had powder to ride on. During one of the earlier runs on the California side I had to sit in the middle of the slope because I was tired. I avoided the sides because riders tend to do jumps off the sides. I figured center is visible and people can avoid me. A guy yelled at me to move to the side instead.
At Nevada side, I felt so good riding off a slope all alone, quiet no traffic. I picked the right side edge of the run to ride on. Suddenly a guy on his ski came right behind fast and was parallel to me. He looses control and falls, I was glad to have dodged him and his fall. I slowed down and turned around to ask if he was okay. He held his arms out signaling I caused his crash fall and I kept riding on. I felt scared form that violent anger and confused too. There was no one else, just us on this wide open beautifully groom slope.
I decided to sit by the side to process this and recover from the incident. The guy passes by later and yells at me again. He claims I cut him off. I yell back in my defense, “You came up from behind, you are suppose to watch out for people ahead of you!” He goes on yelling, “Go back to bunny slope!” His friend rides by gesturing with his hands to ignore his raging lunatic friend.
I finished my run bummed and thinking, “I can’t seem to escape drama!” I then wondered if I should just quit snowboarding and Heavenly all together. I think too much sometimes. My sunshine day turned so gloomy, I sure was bummed. I then found myself freaking out and looking backwards as I head down the slopes, totally dangerous, got to look forward and watch where I am going.
I stopped and asked myself, “What is this person teaching me? Am I just like him going around looking for trouble just to blame someone else for what misery I have created for myself?”
I then felt sorry for the ski guy. He must have failed in his relationships with this kind of logic, habit, and spirit. I felt even more sorry for him for being on this beautiful mountain and not having a good time. How is that even possible?
Then I thought about violence is contagious and I better not catch it. My riding mantra became, “Let it go, swo pwo he”. I recited Guan Yin Bodhisattva’s name to calm down and enjoyed a piece of chocolate.
On my way back to the California side, I came across 3 teenagers who only spoke Spanish. They did not have snow gear on. One of them was wearing jeans, other a rain pants, all were on cotton hoodie. They asked if I could show them how to not fall so much and turn. I had so much fun watching them try and enjoy each fall every other second and laughing through it all. Just like that the sunshine within returned.
When I made it back to California side, I took Maggie’s and came across a flat spot, not good for snowboarders. A young man slung me forward to propel me. I in turn try to slung him without much progress due to lack of arm muscle strength. So when I got to a section where I was so stuck I had to unbuckle my brace, I pushed him to propel him forward. It was so much fun, I felt like I was in third grade all over again. Just like that the sunshine within brightened even more.
What else did I learn on the snowy slopes today? The rhythm I enjoy is peace, happy, fun, joy, learning, discovery, play. I learned that on my path, I will come across people sometimes and it is about setting them straight if they asked for it like the skier. Sometimes it is helping and teaching others like the 3 teenagers this afternoon on the snowboarding turns. Sometimes it's to receive help from others and return it like the guy who slung me forward. I can’t live life looking back, behind, past. As for service, there is opportunities everywhere.
My face looked purple, grey, with black spots, I think it was due to getting blasted from that one skier. My whole face is on fire. I felt so exhausted. I drove to Safeway and somehow spent $18. on dinner, I might as well have gone out to eat somewhere with a nice view and not even have to do dishes.
Sendai Tsunami March 2011
Morning after Sendai Tsunami in Japan
It happened last night PST. I heard on the radio, Pacifica had a evacuation for the other end of same tsunami wave reaching pacific coast at 8:08am. There was an 8.8 earthquake followed by 7.9 aftershock then the tsunami arrived at Sendai was half a mile, it swept Sendai all in one minute, super shallow but wide. It wasn’t the oceanic water that is so difficult, it was all the sand and mud and human clutter that crushed everything and everyone that the force came across. The tsunami leveled this city. People had 20 minutes to evacuate. All the electricity was shut off.
I hope the elderly and the sick and young were taken cared of along with lone recluse. Twenty minutes was enough time to drive up to evacuation sites up the mountain and if you didn’t have access to a car or if you tried to drive home to reach your loves to pick them up, it is difficult to say in such instances. Or if you were injured from the earthquake and had 20 minutes to run after, it is hard to say whether or not 20 minutes were enough time to do so. There were scenes of cars trying to outrun the tsunami and did not win.
What if you had elderly at home and infants?
Who can you carry and run? Who can you abandon?
And do you choose to stay because running and being the lone survivor is just too hard to live on after?
I don’t know, it’s a lot to process in zero flight second like that.
So sad,
I am so sad.
All day long I clinched my palms together trying to hold it all in, trying to keep it all contained. There was nothing better to do than to just pray for the rest of the day.
It happened last night PST. I heard on the radio, Pacifica had a evacuation for the other end of same tsunami wave reaching pacific coast at 8:08am. There was an 8.8 earthquake followed by 7.9 aftershock then the tsunami arrived at Sendai was half a mile, it swept Sendai all in one minute, super shallow but wide. It wasn’t the oceanic water that is so difficult, it was all the sand and mud and human clutter that crushed everything and everyone that the force came across. The tsunami leveled this city. People had 20 minutes to evacuate. All the electricity was shut off.
I hope the elderly and the sick and young were taken cared of along with lone recluse. Twenty minutes was enough time to drive up to evacuation sites up the mountain and if you didn’t have access to a car or if you tried to drive home to reach your loves to pick them up, it is difficult to say in such instances. Or if you were injured from the earthquake and had 20 minutes to run after, it is hard to say whether or not 20 minutes were enough time to do so. There were scenes of cars trying to outrun the tsunami and did not win.
What if you had elderly at home and infants?
Who can you carry and run? Who can you abandon?
And do you choose to stay because running and being the lone survivor is just too hard to live on after?
I don’t know, it’s a lot to process in zero flight second like that.
So sad,
I am so sad.
All day long I clinched my palms together trying to hold it all in, trying to keep it all contained. There was nothing better to do than to just pray for the rest of the day.
Chihalu's Birthday
It is Chihalu's birthday. I have been waiting to give her this gift. It looks like she loved it.
Rest and Be Clear
Being so physically ill each day has forced me to
simplify, not multi task. It has forced
me to take much needed rest and solitude.
I have had a lot of space to reflect and think, I feel quite sober and
clear actually. I feel if I take the
matter into my own hands and keep myself healthy then the strange very embedded
habits of growing resentment and grudges for others not taking good care of me
does not have a place to root itself in and feed off of. I would have been able to spot trouble,
danger and stay away. And if I choose to
get involved then it is a very clear conscious choice of intervention with strength and
effectiveness.
Imposter Who Gave Orders
Dream
I am in the inner office.
It is cleaned, reorganized. It is
sunny outside. Other people passed by
and came in. I pulled out a flute and
shakuhachi and had others play it. I
tried and no music came out, just my breath.
Everyone got up to leave. I
quickly put both instruments away to leave too.
A fake monk, an imposter came in and began scolding me. I didn’t look
directly into his eyes, I already knew he was not human, and not a monk,
definitely not holy, a total imposter, yet he gave orders.
Found You!
I saw all along my right backside was in pain, it was
self inflicted emotional pains from sounds I have danced to and adopted as
cemented reality. After seeing and
acknowledging, I felt the cold prickly chi blast out of various points of a
meridian line down the middle. I was so
grateful of this change that I have been waiting days on.
I can’t believe how I have allowed myself to become
immobilized for so long. I have lost
precious time this lifetime, stuffed up, stuck in delusional dreams as a
reaction to pain, wasting away each breath and heartbeat.
Another Battle Won
It’s been two days and body ached, not from snowboarding,
it’s the kind of pain that makes me feel sick out of nowhere, people stuff and
their poison toxic violent thoughts, battling and warring and entangling. I had to give myself more rest in attempt to
alleviate this. Then I saw my front
tarsal was stuffed with darkness, it was a distraction from what was hiding, a
nasty disgusting creeper waiting to attack and take over.
Kicked Out of My Own House
Dream
I am in the monastery, everyone has left and I stepped
outside too because I was told I could not be in the monastery. I go out to eat a cracker while standing at
the front door. People returned, it is
evening, others looked at me wondered why I am still standing in the dark
instead of inside. So I proceeded to
enter and I am now at another part of the monastery. I saw various staff working on various
operations of the monastery. I thought
to myself, “Looks like everything is under control. I continued to pass through various
departments and saw scenes of people working away. I thought in great relief, “How great is
this! Everything is so well taking cared
of everyone is so productive! I am so
proud of seeing these sights.” I decided
there was nothing for me to do and retired to my room up the stairs. As I climbed the stairs, I realized, this was
my monastery, I run it, I live in it, and how silly I was to have stood outside
alone in the dark and cold because I heard someone say I can’t be inside. Who was this person anyways, just a voice from
a distance, why did I have to follow it?
He Soaked Himself in Alcohol All Day
Day 16 snowboarding
I t was 10:30am and I had only two hours of riding but it
was time to head down and do the long drive home. The sun peaked out for a
bit. I was reluctant to leave but I am
well aware of the storm reaching at 4pm in full force for 8 inches snow
accumulation and that is no joke for driving conditions.
My body was so sore this morning. How can one week of inactivity do this much
damage of weakening of muscles? Sore or
not, it was another day of snowboarding.
What does it mean on the weather report when it said
Snow/Rain. It means snow in the air and
rain when it hits the ground therefore there is no snow accumulation.
I had many dreams but I cannot remember them. Staying in bed I felt a bit depressed. The depression was growing so I quickly got
up and ate 2 slices of bread with tapenade, drank tea and did my morning
ceremony. While I recited I saw I had
fears.
I loaded the car at 7:45am and lifted the hood to check my coolant in the radiator. Yup 10 minutes of running the engine last night mixed the coolant concentrate with water on its own. My transmission is going to be okay. I was so relieved.
I loaded the car at 7:45am and lifted the hood to check my coolant in the radiator. Yup 10 minutes of running the engine last night mixed the coolant concentrate with water on its own. My transmission is going to be okay. I was so relieved.
I made it to Heavenly parking lot a little after 8am. The lifts were all running by then too. The lot was pretty empty and snow was in the
air. I was happy to see and looked
forward to the powder. It was wonderful
to get onto Sky Express and do the runs.
I so enjoyed the powder. It’s all
ice underneath. So I am glad for the
powder as buffer. Up on the Ridge run it
was complete whiteout and down on High Five it was gentler.
I stopped and sat among the trees, I laid on my back to watch the snow float in the air. It’s just all very beautiful and wonderful to feel. On the Mombo run I worked on my cursive ‘e’ consecutive carvings on the powder. It was so much fun. As much fun as it looked when others did them. I dreamed of being able to do this first time I saw it. I have more stamina now. So I am able to almost do an entire blue diamond run without a rest. I had so much fun this morning. The quietness of the runs were great, not too much people traffic. It really helps to start early.
I stopped and sat among the trees, I laid on my back to watch the snow float in the air. It’s just all very beautiful and wonderful to feel. On the Mombo run I worked on my cursive ‘e’ consecutive carvings on the powder. It was so much fun. As much fun as it looked when others did them. I dreamed of being able to do this first time I saw it. I have more stamina now. So I am able to almost do an entire blue diamond run without a rest. I had so much fun this morning. The quietness of the runs were great, not too much people traffic. It really helps to start early.
I headed for
California Lodge to look at my photos from yesterday on the slopes. Heavenly has cameras and photographers
stationed on the slopes taking pictures and you can view them and buy them
after. I ate food in the car, I’ve been
having a really big appetite lately. I
drove off at 11:30am.
I checked at 8am and there were chains required then and
at 11am no chains were required. Timing is very important for my trek over the summit pass. I began
my incline up Echo summit and my car came to a complete stop. All cars were the same. I turned my engine off to wait. In a few minutes I saw a cop, snow shovel
truck go by. A few cars came around the
opposite traffic direction. It turned
out there was an avalanche and the cars decided to not wait for the clearing
and made a u-turn to head back down the lake.
I needed to be at home and so waiting in the mountain or down at the
lake is of no difference to me.
I started to drink tea and eat strawberry chocolate. Other cars broke out their cooler and made a spread on the highway and pulled out their folding chairs. It took 40 minutes to clear away the snow, not that big of a deal. I was on the road driving again. I really needed to pee, that 40 minute delay really threw my schedule off but I was determined to not make any stops until I was done with the mountains. People drive so fast in the mountains, pretty insane in my opinion.
I started to drink tea and eat strawberry chocolate. Other cars broke out their cooler and made a spread on the highway and pulled out their folding chairs. It took 40 minutes to clear away the snow, not that big of a deal. I was on the road driving again. I really needed to pee, that 40 minute delay really threw my schedule off but I was determined to not make any stops until I was done with the mountains. People drive so fast in the mountains, pretty insane in my opinion.
At the Taco Bell in Sacramento, I
pulled into for a restroom break, I saw a man putting water into his
radiator. I so needed to pee, yet when I
saw him my concern was to offer him coolant and forget about the urgency to
pee. I was hoping it would not take up
all the concentrated coolant I had but he used it all. He was still in need of more. The guy lost his radiator cap long ago and
never bothered to replace it, or maybe he was short on cash.
I went in to pee and came out and was ready
to roll out when the same man came back to ask me if I have jumper cable to
jump his late 70’s car. I did and I
jumped his car. What did I know about
jumping cars? What did I know about putting snow chains on? I saw it done once. I recalled both engines had to be off and
cables snapped on red first then the other.
Run the dead car first then the mine.
When it is jumped remove the black cables first then the red.
This guy is an alcoholic, he smelled like he
soaked himself in alcohol day in and day out.
He does seem like a decent person who had a gangster past. The woman he had in the car was gentle and
grateful. The man had no words of
gratitude and took things as if the world owed him and it was his right.
Reading the Speed of the Clouds
Day 15 snowboarding
I didn’t roll out at until 4:30am. First 2 hours before sunset was super difficult driving. I was tired. I pulled over to get gas at the station in Placerville. I had breakfast at the gas station. As I climbed the last 60 miles, I noticed my temperature meter going beyond ½ and by the time I parked my car, ready to shut off the engine, my meter raced to the red zone. I turned the engine off before the meter pushed to the red. I popped the hood and checked my coolant and the reservoir had no coolant in it.
I didn’t roll out at until 4:30am. First 2 hours before sunset was super difficult driving. I was tired. I pulled over to get gas at the station in Placerville. I had breakfast at the gas station. As I climbed the last 60 miles, I noticed my temperature meter going beyond ½ and by the time I parked my car, ready to shut off the engine, my meter raced to the red zone. I turned the engine off before the meter pushed to the red. I popped the hood and checked my coolant and the reservoir had no coolant in it.
I made it to
Heavenly parking lot at 9am. Another
hour later would have put me parking on Ski Run and taking the shuttle up. I needed to dress for the slopes and not
worry about the car. After a few runs
off Sky Express, I sat at Sky Deck and ate bread. I was super hungry by 11am, much of a
surprise to me. . Today the blue diamond
run of High Five felt like a green diamond bunny run.
Then I took Sky
Express and turned to Nevada side and spent the rest of the day on Nevada. The Skyline trail was beautiful. I find the Nevada side to be plain. All and all it was a lovely afternoon and my
legs were seriously tired. My tail bone
hurts somehow. I went up Sky express
twice and Canyon Express a few times today.
On the dipper lift I sat next to a man who knew about clouds and said
those clouds were moving at 400 mph all by the kind of formation they are.
Today I went up the slope with determination, goal to
ride blue diamonds. I went on Patsy
green diamond for the past one and half month.
Now I am on blue diamond. I am
beyond my schedule and goal, I graduated
out of green diamond. It is so
amazing. What else can I accomplish that
I think I can’t, that it will just never happen. When I started I humbly hoped I can and if not
next season to progress to Blue Diamond.
Now that I have, I want to look at what else in my life I have yet to set
time and practice for, wished but didn’t think in reality I can and didn’t
bother really to even start trying. What
else did I not give myself a chance to give it a try and a good run at
least?
My first concern heading to the parking lot was to stop
for hot chocolate that they hand out along with cookies at the end of the day
by the shuttle bus area. Then I opened
the hood and added whatever is left to my coolant in the trunk to the
radiator. I had 3-4 cups left. I could not figure out if it was 50-50 or I
need to add water. I just added water
anyways. I cautiously rolled to CVS and
bought another coolant concentrate and did my own mix with water, this give me
more coolant and saves more trunk space.
The radiator was empty and so was the coolant reservoir. I ran my car for 10 minutes like the CVS staff
said to do to make sure the coolant ran through fine before I drive off. Way beyond tired after this.
Laughing is the Time Portal
Dream
I am in a time where there are horses, no carriages yet for transportation. Floor of houses had dirt and was barren earth
soil. I am carrying 2 male babies, they
were large, the size of 2 year olds. I
am single. I am homeless. I am a wreck.
A house takes me in and introduces me to a man who will take me in along
with the boys who seem like my children but I didn’t give birth to them. I somehow had them with me. The house took pity and took me in.
Next scene I am in a canteen, dinning place, serves
buffet. I helped out here cleaning up
after everyone. The medicine woman runs
this place. She is the go to person for
information and knowledge. The kitchen
cook is like her front and ways of helping people and how she makes a
living. Rumor has it she helps people
out, like leap out of this realm and their conditions.
I saw men lean on a wall in attempt to get out. This wall is special. It is the doorway to out, a portal. No one has figured out how to use it to make it work. I felt it was through laughter and joy and so I thought of what was happy and would make me laugh. I laughed continuously with each laugh I moved a step into and through the wall that is like a few feet of concrete. I was inside the wall of concrete. I watched myself laugh and how I progressed with each laugh. I was concerned about not laughing and getting stuck in the limbo of darkness.
I saw men lean on a wall in attempt to get out. This wall is special. It is the doorway to out, a portal. No one has figured out how to use it to make it work. I felt it was through laughter and joy and so I thought of what was happy and would make me laugh. I laughed continuously with each laugh I moved a step into and through the wall that is like a few feet of concrete. I was inside the wall of concrete. I watched myself laugh and how I progressed with each laugh. I was concerned about not laughing and getting stuck in the limbo of darkness.
On the other side of the wall, where I made
it to, the other side, finally, the other realm, I stepped onto the Sierra Mountains with
trees of the Sierras covering the whole place full of sequoias and pines.
Blocking the Way
Dream
I am in the driveway in need of getting to work, the kid
blocks the driveway by parking his car at the entry. I yelled at him telling him I needed to get
to work that this is very important to me.
I need my job and I can’t be late and he is blocking my path! He calmly with a smirk replies, “I
know.” I continued to yell at him, “What
is wrong with you! etc…” He finally
rolls his car forward and unblocks the driveway. In total disregard of my screams and the
content of what I was communicating, and asked me, “So you want to get
tea?”
Roasting in the 8am Sun
I felt super ill and tired so I went and sat in my car and
roasted in the heat in the 8am sun. Felt
so wonderful, I closed my eyes and sat and rested for an hour, baking, and
reciting Great Compassion Mantra. This
made all the difference. The depression,
the rock on my heart lifted. I don’t know
who it is. It is not mine. It is not me.
It is not coming from within. I
am glad it is gone.
Stress is Killing My Back
Gave myself a foot bath this morning with lavender, felt
really good, and I felt really clean. I
also did my cuticles, felt really good to take care of myself in these very simple
detailed mundane ways.
This morning I felt pain in my belly, a big boulder weighing me down. Crashed today, felt pain in my upper back and was completely dysfunctional at work. Tonight for the 1st time in a long time the lower back tail bone pains returned. I always thought it was the car accidents but it’s just all the distress and pain. I think that is why when I go get checked out at the doctors they tell me I have no major problems.
The Mountain Carries Me Through
I played the guitar and found 2 notes I loved. It was a wonderful session.
The contemplation on feeling of riding on the mountain carries me through
the roller coaster days. Yes, rain, yes this
means powder in the Sierras to ride on.
How wonderful! So much brightness
to look forward to!
Proposals of Death
While driving on the way to the gas station during
sunset, flashes of possible life proposals flashed before me as if they were
attractive options. I felt physically
attacked on my immune system. I felt
attacks on my chest. All these
temptations were lies encouraging self destruction, suicide, massive tragic
accidents. I yelled out, “Stop! I don’t want to hurt myself or be hurt or
die. I love my life! I have a lot to look forward to. Go Away!
Get Out!” and just like that the
hells of screams of my mind in my body ceased.
Wow! Just in this moment, all of
it, all the waves, tsunamis leading pushing to this moment was all worth
it. It was all worth it. I learned I can do it. I did it.
What a mile stone! It’s
graduation.
Exhausted, I sat behind the service table on the loft of
Teance and leaned on the wall for support.
It’s a good thing I had Cheeseboard tomato olive capers bread
earlier, I might of just passed out.
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