Woke up at 4am, super nervous about the fatigue and the drive to get to Tahoe and the determining decision came to this, if I didn’t go, I may explode. I think I needed to go for my sanity. Yup, I woke up and doubted on whether or not I should go. I should have left yesterday. I am not sure what the resistance was but I knew if I didn’t go I would have a mental melt down this week.The first two hours of the drive was unbearable, the whiners inside my head kept at it. “Five hours of driving just to get there! Only a few hours on the snow! Another five hours just to get back! Road conditions can be bad! etc…” on and on. I decided to turn the radio on and heard an author spoke of a book called “Broken”. It was about a Native American named Stanford in Wyoming who became a quadriplegic at age 20. A truck accident put him underneath the truck and a rescue crane lifted the truck only to let it fall on him again. It took him 12 year of self trashing before he got into Sweat Lodge Healings. This was all very interesting for me to listen to in the darkness before dawn. After this stretch of the drive I began to get excited about snowboarding and I could not recall why I worried so.
I pulled into Placerville gas station to pump gas and to eat breakfast. I left with hot rice in the Tupperware and just two hours later, it was refrigerated cold and hard due to the outside temperature. I should have put it underneath the dash to keep it all warm. I was pretty excited about the snow and drove off.
On I50 I passed by a car that flipped going West 50 landing on East 50 at Kyburz, who skidded on a patch of black ice approximately six feet in diameter and slush on the middle of both lanes. Another reason to not drive in snowy icy conditions at night, just can’t see the black ice. Five rescue trucks were working the car. No one seemed heavily injured otherwise the rescue team would be quickly sawing the car doors open. After that sight no one continued to tailgate me. I paid close attention to ice and snow, even random clump is to be avoided.
Next fall was thirty minutes later, I thought I could just glide because the experts makes it look like they are not doing anything and just gliding, I forgot to be in control and carve. In that moment I was also distracted, I was thinking about problems, people problems. The emotions that came forward in that moment were hopelessness, despair, sadness, heartache and pain. My footing was off and not ready nor was I in balance when I was going downhill on a sharp steep part of the slope. I fell backwards and first I bounced off on my tail bone, 2nd part of the fall I landed on my upper back shoulder and bounced off that, and then landed on my head, heard my neck snap and bounced off my head twice for the 3rd and 4th part of the impact.
I was in so much pain, I rolled to the side and iced myself on the bank for an hour. I just couldn’t move for that hour. I checked my helmet and made sure it wasn’t cracked from the impact. I felt my brains shake and hit the walls of my skull for the first time like soft jello. The human brain sure felt super fragile. Fortunately I had a hydration pack to cushion my spine from the fall. Without the helmet, I would have blacked out and I’d be in the hospital. This new jacket buttons up to the chin held my neck together like a brace. As I laid on the ice unable to move, I just refused to call it a day.
I finally got onto the board again and I didn’t get far before I had to sit and ice my tailbone, it was then I had to admit, I was done for the day. This really knocked me out. I could barely stand, but I refused to end it. I continued to ride in pain, I had no energy for joy or enthusiasm, and all know was I just didn’t want to quit. I was afraid to fall and make my injuries worse.
As long as I felt pain, fear was it’s siamese twin and I couldn’t shake either one of them off with my will power. I wanted to cry as hot tears welled up my eyes. I felt so weak. Complex deep old tears of the soul rose, I think I was crying about many things all at once, inexpressible with words or sortable with logic and language. What is crystal clear from today, pain is robbing me of life and sadness is killing me. I shall so something about this.
This day trip, I had to admit and accept was ultimately meant to be a day trip. I just don’t see how I can ride the next day with this injury. 