Day 1
Didn't hit the trail until a little after 10:37am. I was close to three hours behind on my original scheduled head off. But that was how it was, I was tired and everything was in slow mo for me. My new internal backpack had more space for me to put more things in. I was quite happy about this but totally forgot about the fact that it meant more weight for me to carry. It was more than 8 years ago since I last did this trail. I totally forgot how rough it is. Back then I was 30 pounds lighter and packed light. So this current one is like adding 70 pound of new weight and I haven't done this trail for 8 years, totally not fit to do this.
It took me 3 hours to do the first 3 miles. I had to rest a lot. The chatter in my brain was a drain for me. I could not focus and work efficiently. I had not realize how chatty I was. How scattered I was over bits and pieces of frivolous information, sound bits, images from radio, magazine stand and TV. For what? Why? Just all garbage bouncing off the walls of my mind.
I wished my mind would be calm and still.I wishes I was at this capacity that I could hike 12 miles in one day at half the time it took me today.
There were lots of poison oak everywhere. What changed this time was I saw their presence as ways to ward people off the edge of the trail. They are there as good service and not to be hated. There were also lots of beautiful wild spring flowers everywhere. I really enjoyed looking at them. I also came across lots of lizards mostly with neon blue tale.
I came across a baby snake with yellow strips. I didn't see it and it didn't see me until we were close in contact and it stood on it's tale ready for attack and I froze. I walked backwards and said to it,"we can be friends in the Pureland and cultivate together." Then it slithered off. Then I came across another snake twice as big and I made sure this time I was not that close to contact before I passed it.
Lots of mosquito in the 5 mile creek camp area. It has been so long since I've been here that I had forgotten the way of the trail. I used to do this regularly that I was so familiar with it. Then I had doubts on the trail during crossings on whether or not I was doing the right thing.
At the 5 mile camp site I stuffed my mouth with a bag of black berried and totally smeared my face with it somehow. It was the first thing I ate. I didn't want to stop to eat in fear that it would stop my pace that was like a crawl already. I was so tired that my muscles trembled and was on verge of cramping. I had to hold onto them to hold the spasming.
At the 5 mile camp, I came across Jan who was a part of Sierra trail cutters. They help to clear trails. He spoke to me like a ranger with authority out of protection and care. He told me he hiked out a co-worker who had a bad case of poison oak. He had to make it back to camp by 6pm or else his group would worry. It was 3:40pm and I was pretty tired after 3rd mile and somehow made it to 5th mile mark. But I didn't want to stop. I didn't have the chi to do another 7 miles into my camp. I was already having a bloody nose. I think that was why Jan asked me whole bunch of questions about me so that in case I was missing or didn't make it he would know how to report me. But after a little rest and talking to Jan I somehow picked up second wind to head onto the next 7 miles. I really didn't want to stop camp anywhere. I knew where ever I stopped I won't be moving for a few days so it better be a good spot I want to stay at for days.
I asked myself why I was here, doing this. I wanted clarity on where I am, what was important to me. I thought to myself,"I could be asleep and having a good time at home too." But I was already here. I thought some more," life is suffering, cultivation is hard, but what other way is there? Don't fear challenges. Do not fear hardship. Do not fear fatigue. Just make sure I don't give up."
I was racing against sunlight to be at the campsite. I would prefer not to be hiking in the dark. I was totally exhausted and sun had gone down when I arrived at the end of the trail head. There was dusk left and that's another 45 minutes after sunsets before it is pitch dark. It took me another hour until I picked out my camp spot. I tried to look for Jan and his group but I didn't find them. I might have remembered wrong. It was nice of him to take me in and to watch out for my safety as a single packer. I went for a usual camp spot and it required a lot of ups and down on boulders. At one point I slipped and squished a banana slug. It was gross and slimy and squishy. I was very sad and sorry. I started to talk to it and apologize and passerby stared at me. I must have looked terribly in bad condition because they were all worried for me.
My head lamp somehow did not work. It worked when I checked it last night. I've had it over 10 years and maybe it was time for it to quit. I decided in the dark, I would cross the log above the creek anyways to get to one sandy camp spot I liked. I made it there and dumped my gear. I had not light and had to set up tent in the dark. It was good that I've had this tent over 10 years and have used it a lot to know the ways around it to do it in the dark. I've set up tent in camp enough times to know my way around set ups without any vision. I felt my way through.
I was too tired to eat anything and I was too cold. It was windy and cold. I had forgotten about such detail too. I didn't bother about any of it, I just wanted to sleep.
