I love Sunday mornings.
It feels like church Sundays, quiet, calm, and peaceful. I love this mountain air, this cold wintery
air. My lungs felt full of goodness that
nurtures life. The sulfur air felt like
home.
I stayed in bed for 11 hours, mainly to stay dry from the
rain and to stay warm. I wandered in and
out of dreams. Today’s weather was warmer
than the last few days even with the rain.
When it finally stopped raining, the sky was still grey and had low
clouds. At day 14, I feel I have finally
shifted from being a tourist visiting places to living in each place. It took the tearing of my ankle in 4
different places and a committed prepaid campsite to help me get here. There was nowhere to go, nowhere to run. I actually can’t physically run or go
anywhere. I can’t rotate my ankle. I can’t rotate my knee. My shin on my right leg hurts. Yet in the midst of all of this pain and
disruption, I feel very settled and grounded.
I have not felt this good physically in my recitation practice. I have not felt this healthy in years. My mind has not felt this clear and stable in
so long. I am grateful.
Morning contemplation, I find it all the same, it's all about
passionate physical arousal. Whether it's afflictions, anger, discord, discontent, longing, etc… it will be used as an open door where thieves
come and raid, calling it all a good time.
It rained all morning and my car got a good wash. I rolled off at 12:35pm to Mammoth Hot Spring Terraces. The entire right side of my body, including my neck are all injured. The tourist easy access paved path from the parking lot turned out to be strenuous for me in my condition. This easy three hour stroll totally wiped me out. The terraces are mostly dormant now. Some were bubbling a bit. In the afternoon the sun peaked through the dramatic rain clouds, which provided beautiful patterns to the backdrop of burnt trees in the terraces providing textures and colors. The sun off the terraces was strong on my face. I hopped I got the healing through the air since there is no hot spring pools for the public to soak in with proper safe non-boiling water temperature.
Like a cleansing transformative ritual, I threw in bad karmic habits into the cauldrons, geysers,
hot springs to transform them. I wanted
to recycle it all so they can become of good use.
That is what I have come to do.
I went shopping at the gift shop in Mammoth Hot Springs Terrace for
postcards and found t-shirts to be quite disappointing while at the selections choices. The old male staff sincerely invited me
back. I said I’d like to come back in
the winter. He sincerely wished me a
good trip and was present in engaged communication. I respect that. I found myself present too and the whole
experience felt civilized, this is how things should be to begin with. I stopped at the grill for a veggie burger
and it was not delicious. 
At Grizzly Lake I saw a brown grizzly behind a tree. I didn’t capture it on video or picture. But I saw the Grizzly’s face with my eyes and
now I know the difference between a grizzly and black bear.
Along the road I saw three bison who walked in the same line
of traffic. I got them on video with
cars rushing by them. They are beautiful
in their winter coat. I got to see them
so close, it was amazing.
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I really enjoy the quietness of this unpopulated
campground. I enjoy listening to the
wind. The staff regularly circles the
camp every hour and half. I feel safe in
this wilderness and found it wonderful that I still have solitude with the
convenience of flush toilet. This is
therapy, this isa kind of spa treatment. I am so
grateful.
Yes it is true that I can see Yellowstone National Park
like a tourist on a bus in two to three days, running around checking things
off the list. But that is not the
purpose of this trip, the purpose is a journey. I
am here to heal, to smolder, to transform, to grow, and to live.
The camp volunteer drove by and said more women are
traveling and camping alone these days.
We had a discussion on what inspires women to do so.
With the warm summer light twinkling through the trees in
sunset, I felt inspired to pull out oil pastels to blend on paper and just let
the fingers go and fill the paper with colors.
What a wonderful way to wrap up the evening. I missed doing artwork. I miss setting time and maximizing the
atmosphere for art.
My new neighbor is a family of six from Nebraska, and all were in one big tent. They’ve got a tarp over
their table to protect them from the rain and snow. They’ve spread out a picnic table cloth. The Italian family had table candle holder
like a vase and I have a pink lantern with stars my camp.
Beautiful sighting, people keeping quiet and with respect
to others while playing cards in the midst of snow, rain, hail, lit with
lantern around their campfire.
Beautiful sighting, an elderly woman on wheeler walker
with crippled arthritic limbs walked by her husband in support at the
campground.
Beautiful sighting, nobody honking on the road when it is
all chaotically blocked by excited enthusiastic tourists at the spotting of a
grizzly bear eating behind a tree with a crowd of at least 40 plus tourists and without pullouts or shoulders on the road to park at.
I took a shower a little after 7pm. I was fading fast, falling asleep. I had only been out and about for about 5
hours. I have been awake for 12
hours. The shower water was cooler on
the other row of shower stalls.
Trying to find my rhythm and doing one thing at a time
has been good. I like it. I gave myself plenty of time to follow my
rhythm for the moment it is good.
This was inspired by the conversation with the couple in
the Laundry Shower facility. I told myself I
don’t want to be dragging things out with sickness and dying, wasting resources
in old age. Just die when it is time,
quit getting sticky about it. I would
rather gather the good efficient healthy minutes, put them together, max it out
and call it quits. Quality in my opinion
is better than a dragged out barely alive and not yet dead but not quite living.
I thought about my
sister’s friend today. I wondered about
how she would trade in anything to not be in her coma epileptic state and is
only capable of ten minutes of engagement each day. That maybe she would trade in anything to go
back in time for all the moments she wasted complaining, upset, depressed, and
un-empowered. Now she is stuck in her illness and conditions. She may regret not making the best of each
moment she breathed when she had full control of her body, mind, and emotion. If only she had known, would she have been a
little less insecure of a person? Would
she have worried less? Would she have
been less afraid? Would she have lived
each moment in joy, each breath as a gift, not wasting each thought to idling or
lost in ignorant judgment, or petty criticism in frivolous destruction of self
and others?
Nightly contemplations:
Did I do enough to benefit the world today?Did I put in enough to change bad habits?
Is my heart bigger this moment?
Did I stand tall and strong today?
Did I help anyone today?
Did I harm anything today?
This evening, my neighbor at campsite #87 had a campfire
and the wood smelled great. It was
coming through my tent. I called it a
night at 9:30pm
