I rested in my car at 8am in the morning feeling the warm
sun after a 12 hour rest of the night.
The tension and the struggles and the anxieties in my upper body was
present. I didn’t know what all of this
was and I didn’t care. I just wanted to
be free of them. I tried to recite and I
would find myself loose my spot. I did
feel each section of my upper body clear up.
I knew all along no amount of sleep, TV, chocolate, tea, and noodles
would cure it. It would just be one
covering on top of another, layer by layer, getting lost and pretending the
pain, disturbance, suffering, and affliction didn’t happen. So I found a way. I asked for spiritual help and support until
I can do it for myself, until I can stop doing this to myself.
After a one and half hour call that lasted an hour too
long, I had a headache on the top left back corner. I tried many things to bring relief and
nothing worked. My body flashed fire. I was sweating in strange gross ways. My arm and body was hit with a blanket of
prickly dirty cold something. Nothing I
did worked. I had taken a shower. I was clean but I was soiled. I was hot and cold. I put on long sleeve jacket, for the cold,
yet I was hot. I felt a blanket of
blocks on my creative arm channels, main artery, left shoulder.
I then realized, unlike the “Freedom Riders” on Oprah’s
show, I have been down and I did not get up.
I must heal the beaten corrupt sparks within myself. I have been careless and unguarded. I have allowed inspiration and enthusiasm to
die within me in some aspects. This I
must heal. This I must fix. I hope to do so soon.
