Stuck chi all day, it was a snowball effect, one event after another picking up strength and speed. I have no one to blame but me. I failed to put on the brakes to end it all. I spent all night thinking of this and did not sleep or could not sleep.
I spent all night wondering why I encourage lies. How I am not a pursuer of truth or clarity. I made choices each day to be drunk, addicted,
intoxicate, stuck in pain.
I cried and cried as my body locked in anger and violence
towards myself. I kept telling myself,
it’s not how I fall, it’s more important to get back up. I looked to Guan Yin Bodhisattva for strength
and calmed my body raging of violence. I asked
for help to end this and in truth I knew I haven’t done a thing to help
myself. I have fallen off my practice.
This kind of cycle sets up for self hating and self
destruction. I had to make sure I didn’t
fall into the black hole of torment and pain and to get back on my feet, and get it
together!
