I woke up early to pee.
I wanted to rest some more but it was a race to sunrise watch and people
bustling. I was still too slow. Lots of excited kids were already up climbing
the mountains and enjoying the morning echo of their own vibrant youthful voice.
It was wonderful to hear their excitement for nature and to hear
themselves in nature, yet it was difficult in the same time because it was so
loud and so early in the morning.
I was distressed over campsite availabilities for the
week and I walked around and chatted with neighbors and I was referred to the
campground hosts. They told me to be at
their RV at 7:45 am and bring a chair to sit and wait. Jim was very helpful and sweet. Jane the wife runs everything. It turns out Jane was very upset about how I
stayed at another family’s campsite last night and imposed on others. She implied I was free loading off another
family. She pretty much blasted me with
her chi and dumped me a very heavy load.
Who is she to judge and punish?
That is not how it is. I was very
glad I had already ate, that experience would have made me sick too sick to
eat. It probably would have given me the
runs too. 
I decided to let go of the fear of not getting campsite for this week here. Whatever the camp hostess thought of me is fine too, she can think whatever she pleases. I decided to respond instead of react or pre-anticipate react. So I pulled myself out of the dark abyss hole of shame, isolation, and punishment. Why am I shamed again? I pulled my head up and greeted fellow travelers and struck up conversations and had more photos of me taken. I fell or was smacked off the track of a wonderfully blessed vacation, healing journey for a bit and then found my way back on it. 
The Delicate Arch trail was strenuous but fun and
adventurous. At Delicate Arch, I met
Bryan, Karen and their God daughter Allie.
They were sweet wonderful people who shared a lot of traveling info with
me. They were bright eyed people. I’ve met many bright eyed people on this trip
so far. It’s quite a blessing. I am glad I was able to truly enjoy my day
despite a rough and toxic start.
I truly am sorry to have troubled and bothered or
afflicted anyone. This is not the way I
choose to live. I better slow down and
walk carefully. Well, so many things I
am not aware of, so many things I must learn.
I am drinking 3-4 liters of water today. To backpack I’d have to haul 2-3 times more
water. Plus all these hikes of 3-5 miles
stretch are beautiful and reachable without backpacking, it’s good enough. Here, they also do not recommend
backpacking. There is no water access
anywhere in this desert.  |
| This was left by the previous occupant of this site, what a lovely welcome greeting |
I had to do the usual, sip High Mountain Tea and watch
the sunset into twilight. I also watch a
Taiwanese couple drive by and was turned away for a campsite by the camp host
due to no availability but was flagged down by another campsite off the road
inviting them to join them. How do you
explain that to the camp host? Different
affinities, different karma, different life lessons I guess.
What to do? Here
in nature, sleeping, eating, are all very normal and breathing is
wonderful. Here in Arches I feel
effortless in my head. I feel
settled. I feel strong, stable, and
expansive in my head, fluid and flexible.
I feel the monastery within. Now,
how do I sustain this back home?
I feel like I am in the ocean and I can hear myself. It is okay to breathe and have my heart
beat. My body is relaxed.
