Carrying Rice Cracker Through All These States Was All Worth It

Day 45 National Park 2011

I woke up at 7:30am and went to pee at the Paradise Inn.  It was a happening place full of people getting breakfast, hanging out at the fire place.  I still felt dizzy walking around.  I followed a ranger to the climber office that opened at 6am.  He recommended I hike and backpack in the snow if I had gear.  I waited in my car and closed my eyes for a bit waiting for Visitor Center to open at 10am.  At 9:30am the sun was out and everyone was taking pictures of the Glacier Peak in front of me.  I saw lots of climbers leaving at the trail head and lots of climbers also returning.  It’s a perfect day to be hiking in the snow.  But I was in dire need of rest and sleep.  My head was still spinning.  I just don’t think it’s safe for me to be walking or driving in this condition or hiking in the snow. 

At 11am I drive to Cougar Campground and noticed this new system for paying.  It is like a parking meter, credit card style.  I had to read and follow instructions.  There are six loops here and you have to drive through each loop checking each tag per site to look at dates of reservations etc…  This whole process took me an hour.  I finally finished pitching tent at 1:30pm.  I ate even though I wasn’t feeling hungry.  I think I was too exhausted to feel hunger.   

While I ate I saw a group of teenagers with gloves picking up random trash on the campground.  They looked bored and unhappy without playfulness or humor of youngsters.  I guess this activity isn’t on their top to do list for the summer.  I saw rice crackers would go to them and so I chased them down to surprise them.  The boy’s face lit up like a Christmas tree and life was back in his youthful body.  I told him he had to share.  He has never seen or had rice crackers before.  I guess I lugged that thing for him.  Just to cheer him up and reward him for doing good, in service and protection of nature.  It was all worth it.  My fatigued body and mind felt a warmth, a glow in my chest, my tongue tasted sweetness and my eyes felt peaceful and joyful.  That was so much fun.  

I crawled into my sleeping bag and a mosquito somehow made it in with me.  It buzzed all over.  I slept for three and half hours.  I got up at 5:30pm and I didn’t feel dizzy anymore.  At 7pm I convinced myself to eat a sandwich, I didn’t feel hungry but I needed to eat. 

The wash room here is dirty.  The restroom had electrical plug that was high up.  There is no hand dryer or soap.  There is cloth hook behind the stall door.  The right sink clogs.  The restroom is cleaned at about 11am.

Is it too late to drink tea at 9:30pm?  This cold weather required layers to stay warm including snow boots, so naturally a cup of High Mountain tea was a necessity to complete this perfection.  The sky was clear tonight, I had hoped to see stars tonight.  I missed them.  I sat and drank tea in the car to stay warm and out of attacks of mosquitoes.  I’ve got bites all over my face.  I felt tension in my body and I decided to meditate tonight.  

Glacier Happy

Day 33 National Park 2011

It was lovely to wake up to the sounds of rain.  I put on snow boots to keep my legs warm and dry.  At 8:35am I got up and found my head spinning in dramas like channel flipping all the stations on TV.  The rain was drizzling and not a downpour.  The rain stopped at 9:30am.  It was lovely to meditate to the sounds of rain. 

I spoke to my scattered mind ridding on a roller coaster lacking stillness, efficiency, and creativity, “I don’t want to be like you.  I’d rather be a sage.  I won’t need to bathe or bother with eating.  I won’t step on living beings.  I will have ended birth and death.” 

At 1pm I head for the Cascade Pass and I missed the bridge turnoff by the gas station.  I kept on going towards Rockport.  I finally pulled out a map and turned around.  On this side going east there is a sign but not the other direction.  I drove slow admiring the beautiful scenery.  The road was covered in white, orange, and purple flowers.  It was a long drive to get to the road block.  There was snow on the mountains and the misty clouds hovered over the peaks drifting in and out. It was a pretty sight of wonder to watch. 

Today I felt my head light and clear.  It was a majestic two and half hour hike.  The road block stops perfectly at where the beauty of the scenery opens up.  The things I would have missed if I just drove by.  The avalanches have fallen and debris has been cleared.  The snow off the mountain is tourmaline blue, beautiful.  The misty clouds reveals bits and pieces of this peak or that peak.  The sun peered through in spots here and there off and on.  I loved how the snow dressed the mountain accessorizing it, defining parts making it easier for the eyes to decipher the face and edge textures.  Waterfalls of snow melt were everywhere along with sounds of running water.  The water roars violently, moves at fast and dangerous speed.  The sky drizzled off an on.  The mountain is charcoal damp grey from the rain.  The air just smelled amazing.  I felt my lungs open up.  The entire walk was beautiful, full of cedar and pine trees with floral beds all over. 

I made it to the snow where the snow trucks parked.  Just past it the road ends, buried in 15 feet of snow.  I knew I wasn’t going to climb it.  I had chosen to not bring poles or snow shoes because I knew I could not hike in the snow physically with my injuries and I did not have an ice ax or rope to climb out of a crack or crevasse.   This was as close as I got to Sahale Glacier. 

My ankle burned, it hurt half mile into the hike.  I told my ankle to heal because I have plans for more hiking, I haven’t given up.  I need it to be healthy and strong.  I haven’t even begun accessing my trip plans. 

During the hike I reflected on my family and how much kindness they have showered me.  I am grateful.  My family has gentle souls, kind sweet hearts.  We have been through rough, difficult times.  Know and seeing their kind hearts is enough.  No one needs to do anything more.  I am grateful for the love, nurture, kindness, care that has been showered onto me.  I remember.  I know.  I see.  I hear.  That’s enough, please focus on yourself, and heal yourself.  I don’t need anything. I don’t expect anything.  I don’t demand anything at all.  I am grateful.          

I saw a couple backpack with skis at the Cascade Pass trail at 5pm heading towards Sahale Glacier.  They must be experienced to start the trail so late.  It’s a good thing day light goes to 9:30pm here.  They must be strong too.  I have no wish, no will to go on such expedition and sleep on the snow. 

I ate roasted peppers, dongfen in sate, and hot and sour soup for dinner.  I began to pack up camp in preparation for tomorrow’s drive.  Mike from Boston came over to help me with mapping out Olympic National Park.  He is looking younger by the day.  Tonight the Boston group was all laughter and beer.  I find it wonderful that people make annual trips together.

Two Medicine Indigenous Performance

Day 24 Glaciers National Parks 2011

I got up at 2am and star gazed.  My back was in numbing burning pain, my feet were also burning.  I tried to stretch it out but I wasn’t successful.  I resorted to sleeping on the sides in a way to ease the tension.  It’s a good thing my day was schedule to start at noon, so l just laid in bed to rest.  I saw a squirrel run into my tent door and took a peek and then ran off, it was pretty cute, same family as a rat, but way more cute. 

It is a bit grey and hazy today, breezy too.  It is warm too without the wind.  It is warm in the tent too, the sleeping bag was unnecessary.  Felt good to listen to nature and meditate.  I wondered if sometime in the past I had such a thought that landed me here at this time, “It’s okay, I don’t mind too much that the Saha world is a pain.  I will stay focused on the tasks at hand.  Bring it on!”  What was I thinking? 

The campground looked empty again.  People stay here for a night or two and then move on.  At 9am service crew came by to check bear bins, fire pit, do restrooms, and maintenance up keep.         

I decided to sit in my car and look at the beautiful scenery, totally protected from mosquitoes to enjoy my tea.  My site has the best views of the mountains.  As I took in the beauty I reflected on how I used my voice.   My heart speaks in my prayers and transference for peace and healing of everything and everyone.  I used my voice through my hands and feet in service of benefiting others to help them along their journey. 

Super windy, so I cooked in the restroom using the induction stove.  I made soup with carrots and cabbages in Bagute spice pouch.  I cooked quinoa and soba too.

I met a Southern German couple rolling in an RV, Hilgda and Siegfre.  They were sweet and friendly.  They picked the campsite next to mine.  They had just arrived from West side of Glacier National Park.  They left at 7:30am and it was 90 miles of driving.  I showed them my photos of the east side and recommended where they should go on this side.  Time flew and it was already 1:13pm, I cleaned up camp and made Darjeerling tea and rolled off at 2pm. 

I went to Jackson Glacier Point and it was 2:23pm when I parked my car.  I parked next to Jeremy Wei from Washington, he is a park ranger in his twenties.  It is rare to come across a young Asian male park ranger.  It’s as rare as spotting a young Asian male monastic.  Because it is so rare, it felt really special.  Jeremy was busy helping a tourist so I ran up the road to make up for the lost time.  I wondered if it was important for me to chat and interact with him.  He reminded me of my friend Richy, once an artist, now with a desk job. 

I rushed and ran on the incline mountain road.  I don’t even know how I managed to run but I had zeal underneath my feet.  I started with a fantasy scenario in my head of having just escaped from the near death of falling in to a crevasse.  I imaged I was ten times stronger, flexible, and agile in grace and ease than I truly am physically.  It’s a fantasy so I can do anything and be anything.  I felt good that way today.  Yes, I just chose to ignore the pains from the injuries.  Somehow the pain is just too hard to ignore at night, it burns, numbs, screams, “What have you done!  Why do you do this to me?  What is your problem?  Why don’t you learn?  Why don’t you listen to my communication? ”

The waterfalls, cascades from the snow melt were clear, clean and amazing.  The cold breeze from the melting snow was chilly.  I hiked in sleeveless top because I was still hot from yesterday’s heat.  Then it sprinkled and then it rained.  I see why I had to rush and saw I had to start my trail no later than 2pm.  I was in down pour the last 15 minutes of my hike.  It actually felt great to hike in the rain. 

I spotted a fly upside down with wings soaked in a puddle of rain.  I tried to rescue it without killing or hurting it with two rocks to pick it up but I ended up dropping it somehow back onto the puddle.  I decided to use my fingers to pick him up and put him underneath a plant so he can dry up.  Hopefully I didn’t damage his wings when I dropped him.  This was the most adventurous part of my walk. 

I came across Jeremy the Asian ranger towards the end of my hike.  I waved at him and initiated the conversation.  He stopped and asked how I was doing.  I told him I was great.  He mentioned the subject of rain.  I said, “This is not rain, just sprinkles.”  He then vented on a family back in the parking lot and who was really upset about the rain ruining their entire vacation as if the ranger had to fix the rain to save their vacation.  I responded, “Well then, they are not really on a vacation then.”  I shared with him that the walk felt much shorter than I thought, it sure wasn’t four miles.  He said they moved the block off closer to the trail head because of avalanche danger.  I responded cheerfully, “Well, I would rather be alive.”  As we parted, I felt great he had the zeal and enjoyed what he does for the park and for the visitors.  I hope that he recovers from getting dumped on by the visitors’ frustration of Logan Pass closure for safety reasons and the rain.  Honestly without the rain, there would be no amazing clouds and rainbows to decorate the spectacular sky.  Plus my car is getting a nature wash and so is my tent, totally awesome!   The smell of the rain is so wonderful. 

At 4pm, I sat in the car, had two croissants with chocolate spread and blueberry jam.  I sat in the car for an hour to wait for the rain to lighten up for a safer mountain drive back to camp.  It didn’t lighten up.  People continued to come and continued to walk in the rain with pancho.  I rolled off at 5:20pm singing, “I need to pee”.  I needed to pee an hour ago but I waited for the rain to ease up.  I ran for the restroom when I got back to camp. 

I felt immensely fatigued, I needed a nap.  I laid on my hammock.  With all the moisture in the air, it was most likely the best time to be on the hammock, the mosquitoes are hiding from the rain.  My hands began to freeze at 6pm and I went into my tent to warm up, the rain then down poured.  What good timing to have avoided the downpour on the hammock.   

I laid in the tent and pulled the covers on.  It was then that I realized where I felt the fatigue, it was in my head.  The points were; choking around the neck, blockage at the left front side above temporal point, two inches above point of ear, and thymus.  At 6:45pm I felt something repel off.  It was like a dental x-ray weight cover that flung off.  I then opened my eyes and I felt wide awake, rested.  The rain down poured.                

Tonight was the Two Medicine Indigenous performance at St. Mary’s Visitor Center.  I arrived at 7:25pm.  I came across Ranger Austin who was by the door checking tickets.  I didn’t know tickets were required.  I went to the bookstore to buy my ticket.  All the good seat were gone.  I saw B3 as the place to be.  Row A is reserved.  As I approached my seat, I noticed it was right next to the drummer and singers.  As it turns out they are the ones I heard on the radio driving into the park.     

The ranger at the desk flagged me down and it was the same ranger I saw last night.  I didn’t recognize him tonight.  He wore a totally different energy.  He didn’t look like the back country hitch hiker grassroots activist with fatigued soul.  Tonight he stood as a distinguished gentleman of greatness ready to connect and communicate.  He flagged me down to inquire what I thought of Cut Bank, a place he recommended for me to hike on.  I told him I haven’t been because of the rain.  He curiously wanted to know what I did today.  He was very helpful in informing me of the weather for tomorrow and reminded me that Grizzly Lake is a strenuous hike in snow.  I assured him that I will exercise safety, I will hike until I can’t and turn around. 

As I head for the theatre doors, I saw a young man preparing for his performance.  He too had the spiritual force when he is suited up and getting ready for the zone.  The singers, dancers, drummers were all beautiful and preformed with dignity and respect that honored their tradition.  I find lawyer Elder Joe, kind hearted and he added the cheeky circus show as the MC with his side comments.  He turned something sacred, spiritual into a circus show act.  I find this aspect of the performance can use improvement.  I wondered how he valued his tradition.  I wondered how he thought about us, the audience and our capacity to connect with his sacred tradition. 

The last dance was a group dance and I joined in, we held hands and stomped in a circle.  It was a victory dance done by women as their men came home.  I joined in because I wanted to celebrate strength and success.  I watched Ranger Austin and Jeremy in the circle, as rangers they held their strong leadership, ruler of guidance and protection.  As guests in the circle, their kindred souls shined, their pure innocent spirits come forth.  I saw the cultivator, the monastic healthy within them. 

After the show I dashed for the showers.  I had to rush, I had 7 minutes and it was a sloppy wash, when I was done I still had soap on me, I guess this is camp clean for tonight.  I had to rush out as the staff was politely waiting for me to exit to close and lock up so he can sleep, so he can call it a night. 

I made it back to camp and I noticed all the sites were full.  My tent was covered in rain and I did a shake to shake off the rain.  The rain down poured again at 11pm.     

Big Horn Sheep

Day 23 Glaciers National Parks 2011

How did my day begin?  Totally off!  I woke up thinking today was Wednesday and it really is just Tuesday.  I thought I lost my keys, searching everywhere for it and later finding it inside the tent underneath a bunch of stuff.  I don’t even know how it got there and how it got buried too.  This morning I dropped the calligraphy nib along with the ink cartridge in the car seat, loosing precious ink and then getting it all over everything. 

The mosquitoes were super aggressive during morning prayers and meditation.  I told them to stop sucking blood.  They said they have to eat to survive.  I responded, “Stop all your killing evil ways so you won’t have to be a leech, blood sucker again.”

I had split pea soup and the rest of last night’s beans for breakfast.  

I filled my tea canteen with Bao Chung tea and my water bottle with hibiscus and sugar.  At 9:30am I drove to Swift Current at 10:30am.  The mountains here with lakes in between are beautiful.  

People pulled over for grizzly bear sighting, a light brown young one was by the dam.  I followed an SUV and pulled into a dirt road and saw a sign that said authorized vehicle only.  This woman who’s SUV I was following, who pulled over to look at wild life gave me a dirty look of disapproval and said I can’t drive in, okay, then neither can she.  I had decided I didn’t want to be anywhere near this woman and did not stop there, I figured she was helping me in pointing me forward to move on.  It was a gift that came in the form of a shocker.    

I went to the Swift Current Store, Inn, and restaurant.  I used the clean Inn restroom.  The staff was a Chinese lady and the other a lady from Madrid, Spain.  At the parking lot, a ranger had a viewing telescope and had it set up facing the mountain.  I saw big horn sheep, rams with big curls, mountain goats with 8 to 9 inch winter coat, shedding from the butt.  They were beautiful.  In one sight, I recovered from the dirt pull out of the SUV woman yelling at me. 

This ranger recommended the Grinnell Glacier Trail to see all three lakes.  That I can only hike three miles in because of the snow, and if I had proper ice ax and snow gear I can hike further into the glacier but it could be dangerous traveling alone on ice and snow without trail guide.  That falling into crevasse is definite.  Well, given my injuries, I can’t go that far either.  I can’t even rotate my ankle.  I am hoping all this pressure, movement, and use is not making things worse.  It's a blessing in disguise, it keeps me from venturing into adventure that I am unequipped, untrained, unskilled to handle.  Without the injury I would have ignored all the common sense safety warnings with my stubborn will and hope to survive on sheer luck to make it out of any journey alive and unharmed.  

When I finally parked at the parking lot at the trail head it was already noon.  I bounced out of the car with unexplainable joy, peace, happiness, excitement for heading into the future.  

The trail was covered in lush greens, and beautiful flowers.  It was so picture perfect.  It is what cartoons, storybooks, movies model after.  The snowy mountains and running river with celadon green lakes and glacier snow cascades, waterfalls, every step was amazing, beautiful.  It was a four hour hike of euphoria for the senses.  The smell of sweet flowers, and another that smelled like a perfect bowl of pho with all the fixings, was just amazing.  There must have been healing herbs on this trail.  If only I knew my herbs for amazing healings, I could be a happy doctor, if I was a doctor to begin with.  Yup, another possible career that I did not invest in. 

I dunked myself underneath a waterfall three times.  I was so hot that it took me three times under icy glacier water to feel better.  That was my cleansing for the day.  The choice was between the waterfalls or the Lakes.  The reflection off the lake of the snow and mountain was beautiful.  I walked without a hat.  Why?  I forgot the hat.  It is somewhere, yet to be located, I just can't seem to locate it.  As a result, it is not on me for the hike under today's full sun. 

A group of eleven teenagers along with a pair of adults went on this hike too.  The boys all jumped into Lake Josephine and swam.  You can hear and see them across the lake from a trail high up.  Their energy was larger than this lake. 

Butterflies of all sorts flew across the trail for the flowers that isle the trial.  I saw brown ones, orange ones, blue ones, and white blue tip with green tint.  Every time they appeared in front of me, it was a breath of fresh surprise.  I just feel so fortunate with delight to witness one flying across my path.  It’s like spotting an angel or something like that, just magical to me. 

A mama moose and a young moose crossed the trail at the beginning of the trail at the bridge.  They both ran fast.  I followed their hoof track until they went by the Swift Current Lake.  They were cute.  The young one felt like a male moose. 

Lots of people invited me to join their hike group so that I did not hike alone.  That was all very nice and I am grateful for such invitation, welcome, and inclusion.  I was on a stroll, I shouldn’t really be walking and I was hiking, I knew others were all on a speedy hike.  I strolled alone at my pace for photography, artistic inspiration, meditative contemplation, conversations with the spiritual world, and to limp, shuffle and drag my right leg forward, forcing it to use, exactly what it screams I do not do.    

When I finished the hike, I felt my chest was full, grounded, and stable.  I felt so good.  On the hike, darkness, crap would try in what seems like endless attempts to creep up, but nature was stronger.  My will to transcend is all is stronger. 

To heat up my food, I put them on the dash.  My croissant was overdone via solar toasting, it was crispy.  My curries were just right.  I ate it with chips.  It was a quick and easy meal.  I sat on a picnic bench in the parking lot to enjoy this.  It wasn’t the best choice.  There were gazillion varieties of spiders that crawled all over.  I accidentally smashed a bug while trying to get it off my paper.  I decided to do dishes at the washroom in this lot so I can clean up and put it all away for the night. 

I met a couple from Oregon and we chatted until 6:30pm.  I noticed I was too exhausted to drive so I drove very slow, 35 mph on a 70 mph road.  I stopped by St. Mary’s Visitor Center to map out the rest of my trail hikes here on the East side of Glacier National Park.  In summary, I needed snow gear if I choose to go more than four miles of any particular trail.  That there are lots of mountain animals to spot and to watch out for, mountain cats too if I was to hike alone.  The rangers here really are empowering, they have the attitude of being prepared for the trail and go forth with care on wild mountain animal encounters and see all the ice and snow as adventure and not hazard.  I think if I wasn’t injured, I would have gone forth in snow and ice and wouldn’t worry about bears or mountain cats or deep ice to fall through into.  I think I would have put myself in a lot of trouble and not know it.  A blessing in disguise this injury has been. 

I wasn’t allowed to charge my batteries at the visitor center so I had to go back to the showers to charge everything.  There was a long line for the showers so it all worked out with charging of batteries and waiting.  Two woman after me asked me if eight minutes was enough for showering.  I responded, “No, personally I need forty five minutes in the shower.”  They asked me what I do to resolve this.  I said to skip shampoo and a detailed full wash and settle to do a rinse instead.                

I saw tonight a one inch long giant ant crawl over the top mesh of my tent.