Friday Night is the Cake of the Week

 Day 11

Today was a bit of a blur.  I cooked 5 meals at once; Friday breakfast, lunch dinner and Saturday breakfast and lunch.  I felt as if I lived all those time zones at once. 

Everyone pitched in on the food mass production today.  Billy helped in the kitchen to fill water that was next to the oil wok.  Someone made a scene that displayed the accusing of the possibility of Billy getting water in the hot oil wok this morning.  Loc jumped in and accompanied Billy the rest of the morning in support for his crushed spirit of such a drama. 

It’s really lovely to see Paola gather in all the young girls to help in salad production each day.  Andrew N and the rest of the guys worked on the fruit tart. 

Lunch gratitude and acknowledgements were carried out.  It’s all the same now, name, or no name.  You see it, or don’t see it.  You know or don’t know.  It’s all the same to me.  I know each day how I faired.  I know each moment how I faired. 

Everyone came.  They all stepped up to the plate and was happy and confident to do their part in support of the others.  Everyone shined beautifully.  

We packed for Saturday lunch at 6:30pm.  I was seriously tired at 7:30pm.  I barely sat.  My right ankle was swollen in pain.  I felt finished and ready to close shop on Oregon retreat. 

This evening started with Thomas and James singing their Amitabha songs.  They had two prepared.  They were just beautiful.  The nuns sang along too.  Lily, Sherry’s daughter has an amazing voice.  Fab played too and sang.  It was all just wonderful.  It was a lovely evening of sharing and lots of thanks in their snap shots.   This is really the cake of the week.  It’s just so nice to see the product of all the work put into supporting the personal transformation of each person.

My snap shot, “ Leaves falling, sounds like rain drops, soft fluffy mossy soil for bedding.”

When the bell struck and the evening was over, I ran out to the deck and avoided the crowd, it becomes a grand central station junction with good byes and clean up.  I stood outside the front door on the deck and chatted with people waiting for a ride down to the Can.  I hugged people as a brother and as a sister and did my good bye. 

I felt so exhausted, I couldn’t do much to contribute to clean up.  We all head down to the Can and didn’t finish until 12:30am.  Seeing how the tables and benches were up, I felt better about the rest of tomorrow’s clean up.  I smelled so bad from today’s work I insisted on a shower before bed.

I Miss Roundtable Discussions an Berkeley Buddhist Monastery

Day 9

Chocolate chip cookies was on the lunch menu.  Most of the lunch was done by breakfast.  Everyone was very hands on.  There was football, yoga, and walking meditation all happening at 10am time slot.  We also had our group photos taken at 10am. 

After lunch organizers got together to discuss the issue of money, that we are short of $1,000. this year to cover expenses.   Billy upon hearing this asked, “There is a cost to being here?”  We told him in the context of paying it forward gift economy.  Previous attendees have made contributions to make it possible to make this year’s retreat happen.  Yet we are $1,000. short in running this year’s retreat. 

Today was dunes and beach day.  After lunch the day trip group left and the rest of us were either up in the Chan Hall meditating or down in the Can.  Rev. Heng Sure stood at the picnic table and we all sat around.  It turned out to be an excellent unscheduled roundtable while he waited for his laundry to dry in the dryer.  This discussion really got everyone thinking, what a valuable experience.  This reminded me how much I miss roundtable at Berkeley Buddhist Monastery. 

At 4pm James made me a pancake with chocolate chips and walnuts.  I put on my ear plugs and listened to music to stay focused to think while I worked in the kitchen. 

Fab’s music was uplifting and I found it very healing and rejuvenating in the late afternoon.  Thanks Fab for the healing. 

Heather came by after the evening lecture and said Jin Rou Shr asked her to cook on Thursday.  I told her she can use anything.  She looked and said there wasn’t much she can cook with and added, “Oh you don’t have garlic or onions to cook with.  I don’t really know how to cook without onions.”  Why didn’t she communicate this directly to the nun when she agreed to cook?  Strange how people go round and round in their communication. 

Shower line was long.  I waited for Connie and Michael to finish with shower to walk up at 11:40pm.  Silver walked us up too.  Towards the top his hips went into pain and he hopped and limped.  I felt bad for him.

Two Medicine Indigenous Performance

Day 24 Glaciers National Parks 2011

I got up at 2am and star gazed.  My back was in numbing burning pain, my feet were also burning.  I tried to stretch it out but I wasn’t successful.  I resorted to sleeping on the sides in a way to ease the tension.  It’s a good thing my day was schedule to start at noon, so l just laid in bed to rest.  I saw a squirrel run into my tent door and took a peek and then ran off, it was pretty cute, same family as a rat, but way more cute. 

It is a bit grey and hazy today, breezy too.  It is warm too without the wind.  It is warm in the tent too, the sleeping bag was unnecessary.  Felt good to listen to nature and meditate.  I wondered if sometime in the past I had such a thought that landed me here at this time, “It’s okay, I don’t mind too much that the Saha world is a pain.  I will stay focused on the tasks at hand.  Bring it on!”  What was I thinking? 

The campground looked empty again.  People stay here for a night or two and then move on.  At 9am service crew came by to check bear bins, fire pit, do restrooms, and maintenance up keep.         

I decided to sit in my car and look at the beautiful scenery, totally protected from mosquitoes to enjoy my tea.  My site has the best views of the mountains.  As I took in the beauty I reflected on how I used my voice.   My heart speaks in my prayers and transference for peace and healing of everything and everyone.  I used my voice through my hands and feet in service of benefiting others to help them along their journey. 

Super windy, so I cooked in the restroom using the induction stove.  I made soup with carrots and cabbages in Bagute spice pouch.  I cooked quinoa and soba too.

I met a Southern German couple rolling in an RV, Hilgda and Siegfre.  They were sweet and friendly.  They picked the campsite next to mine.  They had just arrived from West side of Glacier National Park.  They left at 7:30am and it was 90 miles of driving.  I showed them my photos of the east side and recommended where they should go on this side.  Time flew and it was already 1:13pm, I cleaned up camp and made Darjeerling tea and rolled off at 2pm. 

I went to Jackson Glacier Point and it was 2:23pm when I parked my car.  I parked next to Jeremy Wei from Washington, he is a park ranger in his twenties.  It is rare to come across a young Asian male park ranger.  It’s as rare as spotting a young Asian male monastic.  Because it is so rare, it felt really special.  Jeremy was busy helping a tourist so I ran up the road to make up for the lost time.  I wondered if it was important for me to chat and interact with him.  He reminded me of my friend Richy, once an artist, now with a desk job. 

I rushed and ran on the incline mountain road.  I don’t even know how I managed to run but I had zeal underneath my feet.  I started with a fantasy scenario in my head of having just escaped from the near death of falling in to a crevasse.  I imaged I was ten times stronger, flexible, and agile in grace and ease than I truly am physically.  It’s a fantasy so I can do anything and be anything.  I felt good that way today.  Yes, I just chose to ignore the pains from the injuries.  Somehow the pain is just too hard to ignore at night, it burns, numbs, screams, “What have you done!  Why do you do this to me?  What is your problem?  Why don’t you learn?  Why don’t you listen to my communication? ”

The waterfalls, cascades from the snow melt were clear, clean and amazing.  The cold breeze from the melting snow was chilly.  I hiked in sleeveless top because I was still hot from yesterday’s heat.  Then it sprinkled and then it rained.  I see why I had to rush and saw I had to start my trail no later than 2pm.  I was in down pour the last 15 minutes of my hike.  It actually felt great to hike in the rain. 

I spotted a fly upside down with wings soaked in a puddle of rain.  I tried to rescue it without killing or hurting it with two rocks to pick it up but I ended up dropping it somehow back onto the puddle.  I decided to use my fingers to pick him up and put him underneath a plant so he can dry up.  Hopefully I didn’t damage his wings when I dropped him.  This was the most adventurous part of my walk. 

I came across Jeremy the Asian ranger towards the end of my hike.  I waved at him and initiated the conversation.  He stopped and asked how I was doing.  I told him I was great.  He mentioned the subject of rain.  I said, “This is not rain, just sprinkles.”  He then vented on a family back in the parking lot and who was really upset about the rain ruining their entire vacation as if the ranger had to fix the rain to save their vacation.  I responded, “Well then, they are not really on a vacation then.”  I shared with him that the walk felt much shorter than I thought, it sure wasn’t four miles.  He said they moved the block off closer to the trail head because of avalanche danger.  I responded cheerfully, “Well, I would rather be alive.”  As we parted, I felt great he had the zeal and enjoyed what he does for the park and for the visitors.  I hope that he recovers from getting dumped on by the visitors’ frustration of Logan Pass closure for safety reasons and the rain.  Honestly without the rain, there would be no amazing clouds and rainbows to decorate the spectacular sky.  Plus my car is getting a nature wash and so is my tent, totally awesome!   The smell of the rain is so wonderful. 

At 4pm, I sat in the car, had two croissants with chocolate spread and blueberry jam.  I sat in the car for an hour to wait for the rain to lighten up for a safer mountain drive back to camp.  It didn’t lighten up.  People continued to come and continued to walk in the rain with pancho.  I rolled off at 5:20pm singing, “I need to pee”.  I needed to pee an hour ago but I waited for the rain to ease up.  I ran for the restroom when I got back to camp. 

I felt immensely fatigued, I needed a nap.  I laid on my hammock.  With all the moisture in the air, it was most likely the best time to be on the hammock, the mosquitoes are hiding from the rain.  My hands began to freeze at 6pm and I went into my tent to warm up, the rain then down poured.  What good timing to have avoided the downpour on the hammock.   

I laid in the tent and pulled the covers on.  It was then that I realized where I felt the fatigue, it was in my head.  The points were; choking around the neck, blockage at the left front side above temporal point, two inches above point of ear, and thymus.  At 6:45pm I felt something repel off.  It was like a dental x-ray weight cover that flung off.  I then opened my eyes and I felt wide awake, rested.  The rain down poured.                

Tonight was the Two Medicine Indigenous performance at St. Mary’s Visitor Center.  I arrived at 7:25pm.  I came across Ranger Austin who was by the door checking tickets.  I didn’t know tickets were required.  I went to the bookstore to buy my ticket.  All the good seat were gone.  I saw B3 as the place to be.  Row A is reserved.  As I approached my seat, I noticed it was right next to the drummer and singers.  As it turns out they are the ones I heard on the radio driving into the park.     

The ranger at the desk flagged me down and it was the same ranger I saw last night.  I didn’t recognize him tonight.  He wore a totally different energy.  He didn’t look like the back country hitch hiker grassroots activist with fatigued soul.  Tonight he stood as a distinguished gentleman of greatness ready to connect and communicate.  He flagged me down to inquire what I thought of Cut Bank, a place he recommended for me to hike on.  I told him I haven’t been because of the rain.  He curiously wanted to know what I did today.  He was very helpful in informing me of the weather for tomorrow and reminded me that Grizzly Lake is a strenuous hike in snow.  I assured him that I will exercise safety, I will hike until I can’t and turn around. 

As I head for the theatre doors, I saw a young man preparing for his performance.  He too had the spiritual force when he is suited up and getting ready for the zone.  The singers, dancers, drummers were all beautiful and preformed with dignity and respect that honored their tradition.  I find lawyer Elder Joe, kind hearted and he added the cheeky circus show as the MC with his side comments.  He turned something sacred, spiritual into a circus show act.  I find this aspect of the performance can use improvement.  I wondered how he valued his tradition.  I wondered how he thought about us, the audience and our capacity to connect with his sacred tradition. 

The last dance was a group dance and I joined in, we held hands and stomped in a circle.  It was a victory dance done by women as their men came home.  I joined in because I wanted to celebrate strength and success.  I watched Ranger Austin and Jeremy in the circle, as rangers they held their strong leadership, ruler of guidance and protection.  As guests in the circle, their kindred souls shined, their pure innocent spirits come forth.  I saw the cultivator, the monastic healthy within them. 

After the show I dashed for the showers.  I had to rush, I had 7 minutes and it was a sloppy wash, when I was done I still had soap on me, I guess this is camp clean for tonight.  I had to rush out as the staff was politely waiting for me to exit to close and lock up so he can sleep, so he can call it a night. 

I made it back to camp and I noticed all the sites were full.  My tent was covered in rain and I did a shake to shake off the rain.  The rain down poured again at 11pm.     

The Boy Had an Angelic Voice

Day 22 Glaciers National Parks 2011

It’s a good thing I slept in a double sleeping bag, I was so cold last night.  I did not get up until I felt the soft warm sun through the tent.  It was lovely, warm, inviting, and gentle.  The wind was continuous in the morning, yet it had become a gentle persistent cold wind.  I did not have to wear my beanie. 

I knew which trails I wanted to do each day and I felt a need to get on with it.  But I was tired and did not get up until 9:50am.  I rolled up when it was no longer a struggle and stressful.  It is safer this way, to do things after a full rest.  The last time I didn’t do that, I fell and tore my ankle and hurt the entire right side of my body, of which I am still recovering from. 

This morning in bed, I found my mind wondering to California, Taiwan, TV shows, Movies, and novels.  My body has traveled so far and my mind keeps slipping back refusing to get on board and in alignment with being present in the here and now, wasting these precious hard earned conditions, guidance, and protection. 

An eleven year old boy from a neighboring camp sang acapella the entire morning working on his vocal exercises.  What a treat.  He was so lovely to listen to.  He must be in a boys choir, he had an amazing voice.  What delightful sounds to wake up to.  I have been showered with so much amazing music within twelve hours of my arrival here.  What a good way to start my journey of recognizing my voice, hearing my voice, and recovering it. 

I had sate mung bean noodles at 11am.  I then made cabbages in hot and sour soup.  Then I had a cup of green tea.  I laid on the hammock and just took in the scenery.

After cleaning up camp I organized my bins. The sink wash area is small but adequate.  It has a toilet flush system.  I am glad my dishes fit in my rack and the rack fits right on top of it.  I was able to keep the dishes off the flush fill system and the ground.  It was almost 1pm when I finally got all set up to recite and do my morning prayers.  It’s just how it is today.  It’s better to keep up my practices even if it’s out of order of thing and at a different time of the day. 


When I was done, I decided since it was afternoon tea time that I would make more tea and have a cherry turnover.  I heated up the turnover on the dash.  I didn’t want to pull out the griddle. 

I swung by the other loops to check out the different campsites.  I met a couple who felt so fortunate to have found their perfect spot which faced the road.  I found that particular loop to be a bit yin for me and over used, that the nature has yet to exhale and recover.  Perfection in this case is held in the eyes of the beholder.      

At 2:40pm I finally rolled off for St. Mary’s Falls and Virginia Falls.  I saw a sign of closure at both of these trail heads.  The sign posted Bear danger.  So I did not get my hike in.  I drove up to Gunsight Pass Trail and looked at the Glacier from there.  It is as far as anyone can drive right now.  The workers are still working on clearing the road of snow.  You are allowed to walk on the street for the next two miles until the snow plow section begins.  I made a turn and decided to wait until Wednesday in hopes that by then more snow will have been cleared. 

I went to Swift Gorge and did the walk there.  The water was a beautiful jade color.  It looked so clean, and healthy.  All the water ran fast in the waterfalls and the cascades.  It was just a marvelous sight, a beautiful piece of gem.  I walked a bit down the trial to pee.  I decided I didn’t want to pee in the outhouse as usual.  I won’t pee in the outhouse unless I really have to.  I prefer the green and lush nature. It is cleaner than the outhouse. 

I decided to park myself on a rock where the water cascades by me.  A place where I can sit and dip my feet in safely and dry them on the rock.  The water was freezing cold.  I dipped my hands and feet in five times.  I was able to with stand ten seconds of numb chilling cold on the last time.  I sat there listening to the water and did prayers of cleansing, and repentance.  I asked the water to help clear away the bad and let the good surface forth. 

A Christian group form Ohio was there and a group of boys touched the water too.  One who kept on throwing rocks by me dipped his head in and wanted my attention.  I saw him and I knew, I acknowledge spiritually, I just didn’t acknowledge physically.  He did his head cleanse with his head dunk.  Good for him.  One of the moms said I looked so peaceful there.  Yes it was peaceful to be there.  She suggested all the kids to take their shower in the water.  I said ti her, "then shower and church are done with, two in one. 

Both sides of the road was covered in beautiful wild flowers of purple, lavender, yellow, red, and white.  They smelled so sweet and lovely.  It was an aroma therapy drive.  I had to pull over in various places to photography the flowers. 

I stopped at Wild Geese Island vista point pullout.  This vista point had the perfect view.  I decided this was the place to have tea and rice crackers.  I stopped snacking to photograph tourist, standing in a their personal photographer.  It’s a good service of good karma.  I am skilled, I am capable to give.  What a pleasant way to spend the afternoon. 

I met an elderly couple who has been here for the past seventy years.  They heard the Logan Pass is cleared.  However because the snow is twice as high of the yearly average and the annual avalanche has yet to fall, the pass remains closed for safety measures.              

Both in Yellowstone National Park and Glaciers National Park, people asked me if I worked in the park.  I must look like I live here.  I wouldn’t mind.  I must look not transient, instead one with nature. 

At 6:38pm, I was back at camp general store.  I checked out the shower situation.  The shower is $2.50 for 8 minutes.  You pay at the store.  The shower is behind the store.  You get a token to put into the slot in the shower stall.  There is only one stall.  The shower is hot.  You have to buy your token by 8pm when the store closes.  Showers close twice a day for cleaning and closes at 10pm.  You can return unused tokens for refund.  No hair or hand dryer.  There is an outlet to plug electronics in or your own hair dryer. 

At the store the T-Shirts I liked had the following sayings: “Forget the box, just get outside”, “ Let someone else climb the corporate ladder”, “Enlightenment begins where pavement ends”.  I bought the last one.  A bag of tortilla chips costs $4. here, same as all the national parks. 

Dinner, due to fatigue, no cooking, I had chips, tomato, avocado, nutritional yeast, cream of corn out of the can, baked beans out of the can, and drank a cup of honey water.  The mosquitoes were diving into my face, hands, and neck.  Dinner was a total workout dodging them.  They were super aggressive.  The soft shell jacket really helps.  I realized they can’t see but only sense heat from me. 

The camp is full tonight unlike last night.  It is surprisingly busy on a Monday night.  The ranger talk at 8pm in the amphitheatre lasted sixteen minutes, super short.  I noticed they put up fliers about programs, that talks do change things.  I had complained to Rangers about how no one knows what is going on because it is not communicated and therefore all the ranger preparations for performances, presentations go in vain, no one knows to show up. 

I noticed a shelf was put up in the wash sink, nice improvement, you no longer have to put your clean dishes back on the ground.  In front of the trash can area, I saw a man make a pass at a blond lady.  Then a man on his motorcycle asked me out for beer at the restaurant.  I didn’t know camping here is the place to pick people up right in front of the toilet and trash dump.  Seriously, totally not the atmosphere for success in my opinion.  It’s turning out to be quite the meat market in front of the trash can.