Relying on Meditation

Felt sick in my stomach.  It began last night.  The attack on my back puts me in pain, attack on my digestive track, attack on oxygen to wear me down.  Meditation and recitation helped to move chi.

Content With the Surface

My error in meditation is I am too easily content in just surface level calm.  I don’t actually go beyond the water surface of the ocean of my mind.  This is what I must change now. 

Getting Ready For Winter Chan

Da Xing Fa Shr stopped at Teance after taking the afternoon to get supplies and get ready for the winter 21 days meditation session. Each day the schedule goes from 4am to 11:50pm. Falling asleep in the meditation hall is common. Although I never had for the winter chan because I was always too cold. Da Xing Fa Shr is from Italy and comes when there is Winter Meditation retreat each year.

Cards For Service Men and Women

Went to Mercy Center Youth Gathering tonight. I was the only one there along with Sister Patsy. I was glad I went. What was she going to do with all those cards and snacks all by herself. I decorated cards and wrote gratitude and wishes for their quick return home. Ate way too much snacks. I so need to go off the holiday food fest thing.

Then I went to join the Taize. There were 6 pieces of instruments tonight; piano, mandolin, flute, violin, cello, guitar. I really liked the combination, what a treat it was. I don't know what it is, but the air, the chi, the meditation-prayer space is soft, spacious, and uplifting. It is better than any spa treatment.

I am a good chi junkie, addict. I just like to hang out in places, with people who have good chi. I just feel so free to breath, to exist, to think, to be. Most important, I do feel it is all going to be okay. It is a feeling of security, peace, refuge. I am so grateful for such experiences.

Then I joined some friend for badminton at Affinity Badminton Gym in San Carlos. I got a bit lost and took me awhile to find the place. It was almost 10pm before I started to play. So I played and played knowing my workout is short tonight. No matter, quality over quantity. I was able to pick up the doubles backhand serve tonight. I still have the volley drive down the court. I am able to hop a bit tonight on the follow through. I don't have any back hand to speak of. My side to side court hustle isn't too bad, not great, at least I can try. But my forward court footwork is totally lagging. I am gonna have to work on that. It would help a lot if I just stop to eat all this holiday junk, more sweet, more oil, more starch, more complex processed foods. I was seriously telling myself on the court today, "all this crap food is killing me! quit it!"

It is 12:30am, I am stuffed even after a workout. I am totally wired and awake. This is what happens after meditation, prayer, and a good happy workout. I get wired.

Charity Focus Karma Kitchen Tipping Guests

Went to Charity Focus for meditation. The story was on the eagle and the crow:

The crows often attack them, diving at the eagles from above. But, instead of doing all kinds of acrobatics, the eagle simply retracts one wing at the last moment, lets the diving crow pass, and then extends its wing again. The whole thing requires minimal effort and causes little disturbance.

I decided I need to be smooth like the eagle. I get stuck in struggles, especially when they're not even mine to be involved with. I just get pulled in like the mosh pit or something. Terrible! Gotta just be smooth.

After the meditation and a delicious dinner, I helped out with Wisdom Tips. In Karma Kitchen,the pay it forward gift economy Sunday Lunch in Berkeley instead of tipping the wait staff, eat dinner gets tipped by the wait staff with a wisdom scroll and a dollar book marker. Pretty cool, huh, guests gets tipped and the meal is free too. You walk out with a grateful heart and a yummy full belly, eating as much as you like and pocketed with a tip and wisdom for your mind. Totally cool!

Illuminated Manuscript

Went to Taize tonight at the Mercy Center. Sr. Suzzane was on piano, while Sr. Jona was on the mandoline, and Zenni was on base. I think this is the first time I heard the mandoline at Taize, it was light and sweet. I really like it. It's gonna have to be on the top of my list along with string quartette. I noticed the illuminated manuscript framed on the wall. I really like classic pieces like this, the calligraphy and the illumination.

After Taize service, I was invited by the youth group to join them for a hangout. To my surprise their youth group were all in their 30's and 40's. I think I will join them next month at their monthly gathering before the Taize service. Good to meet nice new people.

Sher was late for the event and I had to go pick her up from Bart. I really didn't like showing up late to services and walking during the service or prayer. I just feel terrible and the anxiety and distress, just not good. But,..... that's how it was. She was late.

Adoramus te Domine

Went to the monthly Taize service at Mercy Center. Made it there early enough to do the meditational walk at the labrynth. It feels really good to do the walk. I felt cooled and soothed. The garden is pretty and had benches in nice little nooks to sit in. People are respectful when they enter this part of the campus and respect each other's practice.

After the walk I sat in front of St. Francis of Assisi and wondered what it was like when Jesus knew his disciple would betray him and yet he continued to gather in the last supper and served him bread and wine along with everyone else. Wondered what was going through Jesus' psyche.

The violin accompanied the piano tonight, one of my favorite combination. I felt I wouldn't cry tonight and was so sure of it, I packed some kleenex just incase. I sat next to an elder woman who looked bored in the dark and was crunching on candy or something during the service. Must of been caugh drops she was sucking on and swooshing around her mouth, pluckering away and then crunching and cracking. She probably couldn't help it. At first I tried to not be bothered by it all. And then when "Adoramus te Domine" began, I tears streamed down my face again. I no longer paid attention to the distractions next to me. I don't know if she stopped or I was too busy to pay attention. As it turned out she is a very gentle and a soft spoken person. So tonight's service for me only took up one sheet of kleenex. Not bad, I call that an improvement.

Taize

Decided to make it to Taize at Mercy Center. I went a few hours early to meditate in the garden and do walking meditation.

This image was dedicated to Father Thomas Hand who headed East West Meditation.

Saint Francis of Assisi is one of my favorite saints because of our relationship to animals. I miss Assisi, Italy.


On the grounds there are lots of old trees. I just like being around old trees. Especially sitting under one.





I am a fan of old school classical art especially Celtic stone work.


This rock garden is the entrance to the labyrnth.












My relationship to walking the labrynth is an interesting one. It really works every time and it goes like this. On the first circle in part way I would loose myself and forget. I would forget to keep track of how I started and where I've been. I would then doubt if I skipped a line and made the wrong turn. That some how I would not complete my circle in but end up circling out. Then I would tell myself, "it's okay, if that happens then just start over, keep going." I keep going and I discover I was right all along, I made it in. That I shouldn't have panic and doubted myself and I seem to always do this.

I circle outward. Part way I would loose myself and forget. I would forget to keep track of how I started and where I've been. I would then doubt if I skipped a line and made the wrong turn. That some how I would not complete my circle out but end up circling in instead. Then I would tell myself, "it's okay, if that happens then just start over, keep going." I keep going and I discover I was right all along, I made it out. That I shouldn't have panic and doubted myself and I seem to always do this, again and again. I sat down on a bench underneath an old tree and I laughed at myself while the mosquitos made a fiesta feast out of me. I didn't mind, I was having too good of a time to get caught up in the pesty mosquitos.


These women in the photo walked after me. I sat and watched them and I admired their strength. It made me want to walk again to join the group and be in their circle. A strong circle of women they are.






I love Taize, espeically by Sister Susanne Toolan. I was happy to come across her on my way into the chapel. She right away referred me to Sister Patsy's youth group. I would like to join the youth group but I'm not sure my birth age would qualify. But to Sr Susanne in her 90's I am a youth.

I cry every time at Taize. I didn't bring tissue with me this time because I was so confident I wouldn't cry. When the beautiful piano and the viola started the prayers my nose scrinched up and I knew I should have brought a box of tissue with me.

Here is their info.
http://www.mercy-center.org/programs+retreats/taize.html

A Walk to the Heart

I took my cousin Alice and her husband Steven to Grace Cathedral. It's a beautiful place. I don't think they've been to a church like this.

I explained to them the artwork on the doors and the architecture the best I could recall from art history classes. It was one of the majors I was pursuing in college, I wanted to teach art history at one point with special concentration in architectural history. I forgot a lot the stuff I learned. Whatever I could recall was enough to translate with my limited vocabulary in Chinese.



I lead them on a walking meditation in the labyrinth. I suggested to meditated on walking into your own heart. I'm sure that didn't quite get across conceptually.


They both commented on how they wouldn't of known how to appreciate the church without my commentary.
I suggested that we partake in a candle lighting prayer and wish good health on those who are sick and can use our prayers. They found that to be very meaningful.


One of the things I tried to do as we walked in San Francisco is to point out art work in buildings and streets and light structures. I don't know how many people care about these things or enjoy them the way I do but I decided to talk about them as part of my tour guide duty.


Lombard street right by Grace Cathedral is a stop over. It's not quite spring yet so all the colorful hydrangeas are just budding and not in bloom. I remember the first time I went down the street was in a convertible with friends and we all stood up with our hand in the air except for the driver. There were people today in their rental bikes going down the street totally fast and barely with control. You can rent the bikes at the wharf and the map is waterproof.



I tried to explain the came abouts of the Palace of Fine Art in Chinese. I really didn't think I did the job well. Still it was a beautiful sight to see and I totally skipped on trying to explain the different column artwork linked to Greek history and who was reigning and what Greek God was popular then.



There were a ton of kids all ages from all levels of schools visiting. It was worth walking through the sea of students for them to check out student and student life and style in San Francisco.

Charity Focus Thanksgiving

I love Charity Focus. I went to Charity Focus for their Thanksgiving event and was happy to be of service and help out with food. There is just something very healing about working with people who give you space to work and trust you. What's the word I'm looking for,..... absence of drama, that's it! It's working from a heart of gratitude in service for everyone including each other.

Sylus at one point told us a dream he had. He dreamed enemies were at his door, his parents handed him a weapon to defend himself and the family and then Rev. Heng Sure showed up and said the following,"there are two things you can't work out 1) taking a life, 2)bringing a life, everything else you can work out."

Here is their website, check them out.
http://www.charityfocus.org/new/

The Morning Fall

Getting up from meditation, I heard a pop and then fell forward this morning. I hung onto my left foot and hopped nothing broke. I prayed and hoped it was so because I don't have insurance and I don't have money to see any doctors. I couldn't feel a part of my foot. About 8 hours later my entire body started to twitch and spasm. I was exhausted and everything was hurting. Even my back was out of alignment from the fall. I had to lay and rest at 3pm and called it a very long day.