Organize and Clean

My whole body is so tense from everything, I feel as if I am going to have a nervous breakdown.  This is killing me, making my bones hurt.  I was in too much pain to lay and rest.  I was in too much of misery to do any creative things.  I decided to organize and clean, I felt so much better having organized.  I love to organize!

Relying on Meditation

Felt sick in my stomach.  It began last night.  The attack on my back puts me in pain, attack on my digestive track, attack on oxygen to wear me down.  Meditation and recitation helped to move chi.

Peace With a Poodle

I went to visit Rocky.  I find peace in the silence in just sitting with him. 

The Latin hybrid roses are in bloom and they are amazingly beautiful and fragrant.  I clipped some for my room. 

During lunch today at the Indian lunch buffet, a lump of being 3-5 inches ejected from my heart and I felt great. 

Jon Stewart! You Are So Funny

I woke up with a stingy fire thorny ring around my head. I recited in the car in the parking lot at work. I was tired and unable to be fully in my head. I prayed and asked Guan Yin Bodhisattva for help. I am in a terrible condition to perform at work and that is not fair to everyone else I have the affinities to come across at work today. I felt the disturbance stuck chi in the back of my head where the cerebellum is.

Watching Comedy Central with Jon Stewart makes me laugh. Watching iCarly makes me laugh. Watching old Tom and Jerry by the original artists and creators makes me laugh. Watching old Looney Tunes makes me laugh. My simple goal each day is to laugh silly throughout the day.

I have been feeling ill for a few days now. I have been fighting the onset of illness with fresh OJ. If I need to go for a knockout, I may have to go for some Indian food.

Roasting in the 8am Sun

I felt super ill and tired so I went and sat in my car and roasted in the heat in the 8am sun.  Felt so wonderful, I closed my eyes and sat and rested for an hour, baking, and reciting Great Compassion Mantra.  This made all the difference.  The depression, the rock on my heart lifted.  I don’t know who it is.  It is not mine.  It is not me.  It is not coming from within.  I am glad it is gone.  

Lavender Foot Bath

It’s been cold and I have found myself not prepared.  I think this is the reason for the illness I was feeling.  I felt so exhausted by the afternoon.  I had to give myself a lavender foot bath to draw out toxins.  This totally worked. 

Tea Helps to Put out Flames

 A little tea and chocolate makes everything feel all better. 

My head was in flames. 
Things were burning inside. 
Who are the who’s who are angry? 
What are they? 
What’s that, that is being protested? 
Well, let wisdom and compassion stand.
Everything else can burn to ashes.
Away they can all go. 

All the Little Things

The summer trip has helped me experience the simple things in life like a classic old school wipe down.  Simple things like pedi-manicure, the space to exhale and expel.  How little congestions of the cuticle of dirt or dead skin can really create tension and overall distress.  That the simple soaking of my feet at the end of the day could be so rejuvenating.  That staying efficiently systematically organized leaves no room for frenzies or distress to grow.  All these little things really make a difference in a day.

Soreness Report

I am happy to report that I am not too sore. I can move my body and use my legs, calf, thighs just fine. I think if I was still out in the snow I can definitely hit the slopes for the third day comfortably. This is truely amazing for me, I really haven't been working out for like the past decade, for real and have been so out of shape that I am really surprised by this. Maybe I should use my body more, maybe all the years of working out 7 hours a day isn't all lost, the foundation is still around. Hm... maybe I can do a quick training to hike Half Dome in the spring or the summer. Maybe my body can handle it? Hm....... Maybe I can even get my ab muscles back... oooooo.... that would nice. Loose lots of inches off my waist,..... wow that would be cool.

高山荼真萬能

喝一杯香熱高山茶
管他什麼煩惱心情不好
一切都ok啦

1/2 Fish

I did my usual jog trail of 3 miles but ended up running a little over 1 mile. It has been about 8 years since I have been able to run. When I jog it's really more like a shuffle. I haven't had the ability in my back and right leg to run. It would require lifting of my right leg which I haven't had access to. I just have been throwing it or dragging it. It felt great to run after all these years. I'd consider this a miracle with the help of a lot of massage, therapy, stretch, continual exercise.

I soaked a pot of dried seaweed to cook. When I reached into the pot to pick out the pieces my body felt an automatic connection to the sea. It's as if I've gone hungry or dying of thirst and the first contact with water or food. May be people had a point when they called me Sandy 1/2 Fish.

Some times

I went to visit someone going through rough times right now. I really didn't know what I could do to help her. I had many things in my mind in terms of ideas. But when I got there I realized some times the best thing you can do for someone going through traumatic rough times is... wash their dishes, clean their house, take out the trash, pour them a cup of tea, stock their fridge and be a good pleasant company. Don't tell that person what's wrong with them and how they need to fix it from my point of view. Some times, good company is all one needs to warm up the heart and the house that seems to be in the cold dark ages.

Cringe

Today I came across someone I used to work with and it all came back; the tensing of the body, the shortness of breath, the cringe in the stomach. It all came back in that flash and then I remember that today was October 4, 2008. I remembered it has been years since I worked at that job. I remembered I no longer work with this person who would call me whenever to yell at me and tell me how stupid I was and blame me for everything. I remembered I am not a punching bag or a trash can for this person any more. I remembered that was why I stopped working at that job. And when I remembered all of this,... I remembered I was happy and my body stopped tensing up. I could breath again.