Laughing Silly Over Rice Crackers

Day 42 National Park 2011

I sat looking at the campsite fee envelope, I thought about how I should not be afraid to move on.  It is time to no longer linger here.  So I had to put the envelope back for some other happy camper to use.  It was a dry night tonight and this allowed my tent to dry up somewhat.  Mosquitoes are out in full force everywhere.  A neighboring tent aired out their tent to dry without a rainfly.  I wondered if I should do the same.  But I didn’t trust this period of dry, so I left my rainfly on the tent and it rained.  Someone will return to a very wet tent, sleeping bag and everything else in their tent. 

The river with smoky mountain top was dreamy to watch.  This trail had interesting trees, logs, and creeks that waved beautifully.  A male deer strolled through the trail.

While on the trail I heard, “Don’t worry so much.  Don’t think so much.  Just keep your mind focused on reciting.  Lean on the Dharma.”  Alright, then I looked at the mountain and said, “ I won’t see the peaks in this weather, near or far.  I am leaving the bad guys with you to cross over and to recycle to benefit.  They are not leaving with me.  Thanks!” 

I returned to camp drenched and cold and I was glad I didn’t do the 17.5 mile Glacier Meadow Trail today or anytime this week.  The first 9 miles seems alright but the last 4 miles inclines 4,000 feet just past Olympic campground.  That part is a challenge.  I am also still injured.  Regardless of the injuries, it's a tough hike.  

It rained four inches this week, the sum total for the average summer.  It doubled the summer’s rain count and it is still pouring. 

It took me two hours to notice I have been shivering in my wet clothes.   My softshell jacket was drenched through, it doesn’t work well for downpour.  I was so cold I put on layers just to warm up. 

In the afternoon I happily looked forward to breaking into my last bag of rice crackers.  I looked at the ingredient list and noticed there was fish in it.  I was crushed, crushed over rice crackers.  The things that takes someone who has been in isolation and solitude near the edge, who knew it would be rice crackers.  I sang to myself, “It’s okay, It’s gonna be okay.”  Then I broke out into silly laughter for the next hour.  It’s really time to move on.  I had fun laughing myself silly.         

No Mushrooms!

Day 39 National Park 2011

In this kind of weather, it all feels the same from 7am to 7pm.  I got up at 7am and I strolled around the campground admiring all the trees, mossy fallen logs, and plants.  I walked to the Hol River and washed my hands and feet.  The river water is very clean and had a beautiful blue green color.  I walked to the amphitheatre and the roofs are all dressed in moss.  I stood and did stretches.  I was surprised at how sore my body was from the lack of movement.   A bit of stretching did the job. 

I felt like meditating and reciting so I went back into the tent and then I fell asleep for over three hours.  I woke up at noon. 

I decided to try again and sat in the car to meditate and recite instead, take two.  I felt a heaviness when I started.  I couldn’t quite find my rhythm.  I finally felt a lightness at the end.  Yup, it never fails, always delivers, meditation and recitation, totally reliable in clearing things up and healing everything.  Today was a good day for meditation and contemplation. 

My camp site decision process:

Is it beautiful?

Does it have a beautiful view?

Tent location in the site, is it flat?

Tent location in the site, good fengsui?

How far is the restroom?

Today's contemplation, “It’s all written in the stars.  I don’t need to worry about anything.  Just do good.”  Just like that the weight of mud, rain, and humidity no longer felt like a sluggish burdensome blanket of sloth.  The air became light, full of life source, filling my lungs with hope and nurture.  And I felt calm, sedated, stable, cool and refreshed.  My head became light, peaceful, serene, and joyful.  I am grateful to be able to be here. 

The despair and hopelessness were gone.  A little fatigue lingers.  What pain lies underneath the anger?  What fight, plight, do I struggle for?  What lies are hiding underneath the distraction of all that anger?  Who is running this game of lies?  Why did I fall for it?  Why do I keep going with it?  What faults, wrong am I harboring, delaying true transformation, clarity, and happiness?  Who else am I trying to corrupt, infect, destroy with this?  I too draw blood at times.  It will stop here with me. 

I hope mushrooms won’t be growing out of my tent or in my car.  The afternoon was a break from rain for four whole hours.  High Mountain Tea really hits the spot in this weather.  At 7pm giant mosquitoes swamped the campsites.  They have been hiding for days and this was their first appearance.  I prefer the downpour over invasion and take over of mosquitoes. 

A saw a slug crawl across the tent and then I heard a “thud” and the slug was gone.  It somehow rolled off and lost its grip. 

The restroom gets cleaned here at 2pm.  

He Was So Beautiful I Couldn't Look At Him

Day 38 National Park 2011

I woke up at 5am.  I didn’t get much rest.  My eyes were blood shot red.  My pad and sleeping bag are both damp and wet.  I felt a depression wrap the bottom left of my heart.  I prayed asked for a healing.  My hips hurt and burned all night last night.

The rainfly was very drenched.  I folded the tent and the foot print to keep the inside from getting wet. 

I stopped at Forks to shop at True Value Grocery store and had fresh baked La Brae sourdough bread.  It was hot and crispy, totally yummy.  I don’t know how I lost 90 minutes in the store.  It’s funny how everything in Forks is called Twilight this, Twilight that; Twilight firewood.  It’s quite funny. 

The sky was overcast with rain today.  I really like this weather.  Everything is beautiful here.  The road side is covered in rainforest trees and wild flowers.  My ankle hurt the whole drive over to this campground.  I found myself dizzy and exhausted after just 75 miles of driving today.     

At the Hol Rain Forest Entrance I saw a male buck elk with velvety antler this morning.   It was a beautiful adult elk.  I pulled into the pay kiosk and a ranger walked up to me, a beautiful, solid, stately young man.  He took my word that I had an annual pass and signaled me to move on.  I saw he was very concerned over the safety of the elk and humans.  This ranger was so beautiful, full of good character, integrity, and proper righteousness that I was afraid of looking into his eyes or at his face.  He and I actually conversed as spirits in the True Value parking lot.  He expressed how he would be overwhelmed by my generosity and lacked understanding of it,  he didn’t need, he didn’t want.  He is a “if we all took care of ourselves then no one else needs to extend and reach out because we are all capable self reliant and self sustainable” kind of a person.     

The Hol River water level looked low at the Hol Campground.  I picked Loop C and #75.  It took me three runs around the loop to decide on a spot.  I got a bit disoriented going round and round.  I did see a charcoal black rabbit this morning, it had giant hind legs that were light brown.    

There is one restroom per loop.  The restroom is rusty, old, has flush toilet, light, and outlet access.  No wash sink access here, it is locked.  People are using the potable water station for drinking water and wash.  The backpacker’s loop is full tonight.  The C Loop was almost full at 1pm with two sites left. 

So I pitched my very wet tent in the open meadow without anywhere to hang a tarp canopy.  The ground was muddy from the rain.  Getting the stakes to stay was a challenge in the mud.  I had to get over the fact that everything is muddy and damp outside and inside the tent.  Even my hammer rusted overnight last night.  I managed to set up camp right before the downpour. 

The visitor center parking lot was full too.  I spoke with two rangers, one of which was Mark Coon who went to Fremont High School and was the class of 1957.  Both backpacker rangers whom I spoke with had strong clear eyes.  Their spirits were beautiful.  They highly recommend I backpack to blue glaciers that it is the only hiking trail around here.  I felt uplifted after this at 1pm, my energy totally changed with strength of hikers and backpackers.  I then sat in the car and looked out the windshield to stay dry and view the campground while I ate lunch.  It really had the best view out of the entire campground in my opinion.  I so needed a nap.  I decided to recite and meditate sitting in the car and I ended up falling asleep for three and half hours.  I don’t know where I went or what happened.       

My tent was covered in mud splatter.  I decided I would not cook in the rain.  I was too lazy to put up a tarp canopy somewhere to set up shelter for cooking.  I don’t mind the rain, standing in it or walking in it or sitting in it.  It just feels so god to sit and not do anything in the rain.  I saw a lot of CA license plates here, it means I am getting closer to California.  A spot of blue sky opened up for 15 minutes and the closed up for the day. 

I finally got around to morning ceremony at 5:30pm.  The sky thundered and roared at 5:36pm.  With all this downpour, I sang my heart out in the car.  I am the only one sitting in my car, everyone else had a canopy for their sites. 

On my way to the tent tonight, I saw a black tail young deer grazing next to my tent.  I see why I chose that muddy open spot for my tent.  The beautiful animals come by, deer, elk, bunnies and others.  I didn’t look forward to getting into damp sleeping bag, it’s pretty damp, I’m getting damp from being in it. 

Miles Driven: 75 miles

Hours on the road: 1 hour 15 minutes

Sol Duc Hot Spring

Day 37 National Park 2011

I began my day at 5am to pack out, I finish an hour later.  The misty clouds over the river and the mountain were still lingering and the sun was breaking through the rain clouds, coloring it beautifully.

I drove by Lake Crescent where the misty clouds hovered over the lake and day break was rising over the mountains, a very cool sight.  Lots of deer sightings all along the drive. 

I pulled into Sol Duc Campground Loop B around 7:15am.  I found site #65 across from the restroom.  The first thing I did was go and use the flush toilet.  My tent was very wet from yesterday’s rain.  I hoped it will dry a bit today.  The sun came through at 9am.  There are a lot of black slugs on this campsite.  Loop A is under remodeling and has vault toilet.  It is a loop for RV. 

My lungs feel really relaxed here, soft, full, and expansive.  I could just sit at this campsite and not go anywhere.  It’s pretty, everywhere is pretty and it is similar rain forest terrain at each site.  There is a creek here but that river bank I was on in Altair Campground is pretty hard to beat. 

I made split pea soup for breakfast and ate 3 rice crackers.  The sun peaked out for half an hour and then snuck away for the rest of the day. 

I met Susan from Vermont and Linda.  These two women met 20 years ago in England and kept in touch as friends ever since.  The last time they saw each other was 10 years ago.  They are both occupational therapists and taught in Waldorf Schools as teachers.  Susan just retired and is traveling in her car all over the country including Canada, covering all the national parks.  Linda is still working because she lost a lot of her money in stocks.  She signed up for Spirit Rock ten day Vipassana Retreat in August.  Susan really wanted me to go on the waterfall trail with them.  She felt the three of us are cut of the same cloth.  We just kept on chatting on chatting for two hours standing off the road.  It turns out they only stayed one night last night and had plans to meet other people in other places today.  I pulled out chocolate truffles and shared with them.  It was a lovely crossing of paths today.  Perhaps we were friends from past lives. 

I declined to join them because I have yet to meditate and do my morning ceremony.  I then went to pay for my site#65 for $14 a night.  Then I sat and marveled this thick mossy forest.  It’s like Kentucky Falls with flush toilet, potable water, electrical outlet and hot springs to soak in.  It is very quiet here.  All I want to do is meditate.

My neighbors are Sawyer and Jeb from Georgia.  They are on nine national park trek all along the west of Rocky Mountains.  They brought measuring tapes to make sure the site is big enough for their tent, super precise people, perfect in execution of things. 

Half of my tent is wet, it just won’t dry here.  It’s a good thing I have padding to separate me from the moisture.  Total downpour at 3pm, I put up an extra layer of tarp for coverage.  It’s not a rain forest without the rain.  I ended up putting all my things on top of my pad to keep the flooding level to a minimum. 

This weather is perfect for soaking in the hot springs.  I walked straight into the pool area and there was no attendant at the window.  It is easy to walk in and not pay.  However karmic side of things, it is bad.  So I went into the Lodge store and packed up a postcard along with chips.  As I went to pay, Shelby was at the cash register.  I smiled and greeted her.  I told her I was happy to be here and inquired about the hours for the hot spring, 9am-9pm.  She asked me if I was alone.  She said she is allowed to give one free admission a day and I took her up on it.  It’s a part of the lodge thing and so I got a towel too.  I was happily surprised and she was happy to give me this gift.  I offered chocolate to her and she declined.  I handed her a box of Belgium chocolate anyways and she was delighted.  I wanted to match her joy of giving, kindness, and surprise.  That was fun!  Getting it done karmic right is so much more fun.  What a beautiful way to live life.

The world greets me and rises up to wherever I am.  Sometimes I don’t realize how I am beaming high until I see it reflected, matched by others.  Many times I don’t see the down in the gutter internal state I am in and refused to acknowledge it when the world meets me down low in the hells mirroring it for me to see.         

Tom the window staff at the hot spring pools is a honest gentle folk who wouldn’t judge or be looking out for dishonest sliders on the admission.  There just is something very stable about that and him, so he stands like the mountain, strong, stable, unmoving, nurturing, and majestic.

I went for the 103 degree pool and met Gaylain and Kathleen from Maysville who took the ferry from Townsend.   I asked two boys from Kent Alex and Eddie if they could fart with their armpit in water.  They had youthful fun spirit.  Then a middle aged serious not so healthy looking man sat between us and ended it all.  The water is well maintained here and drained throughout the day and refilled.  I love this part, keeping it all clean. 

I met Marie and Judy, both in their retirement age.  Both are in their 60’s but look in their 70’s.  Marie was a disgruntle person who really doesn’t like crowds get seems to need a lot of attention and demands it.  Judy was flaunting her baggy wrinkly body at me like she was posing for a bikini magazine.  I find them strange, scary, and felt drained by them.  I did not feel safe around them.  I don’t want to continue my stay here at this campground  or in these pools in the future because I don’t want to come across them. 

I felt the sore spots along my lower back around my spine.  I saw they were round golf ball size in burnt blood red, black, and purple colors.  I just wanted to take a vacuum and suck those pockets of balls out of there so my life can resume in full force.   I soaked for four hours. 

The showers composed of group shower heads.  It had a sensory touch that keeps the water on and off.  This day feels like

I learned the Neah Tribe is under lots of drug issues.  I am glad I opted to skip that area.  In one day I came across a lot of single retired women, all of whom found themselves in such position unwillingly.  The ones who knew how to feed themselves and make themselves comfortable in the basics of sleep and food are making healthy adjustments.  The troubled ones, are miserable, and a bit strange and scary.  They are the ones with really bad attitudes too.  I don’t feel safe around such people. 

The rain continued all afternoon and the rest of the night.  The fog rolled in and hovered over the mountain and wrapped around the trees, just smoky lovely.  I had a great time.  At 10pm the blanket of overcast below the moon light kept the camp well lit. 

Misty River

Day 36 National Park 2011
I got up at 5am, it was light enough to not need a flash light.  I drank some water and then pulled the rainfly off so I can see the river, stars, moon, and the mountains from within the tent.  The sky was covered in low rain clouds.  It was warm and humid.  My ankle screamed of pain.  My tent is situated on a slight slope and it really has worked out for my aching back. 

Everything sounds good to eat this morning.  There is a canary yellow bird with black stripped wings and a bright neon orange beak blushing partly into the head who comes and perches on the maple tree next to my picnic table.  Every time I pull out my camera to capture it, it flies away. 

The overcast weather makes it possible to lay in the tent. Misty clouds danced around the mountain.  I loved such scenes.  I could just sit or stand and watch this all day.  I had a tension, knots on my belly.  Since sky was overcast, going to see Hurricane Ridge was crossed off my agenda for today. 

The rain set in at 6:30pm and it was a steady flow for the rest of the evening.  My car can so use a wash.  I saw a dark French roast coffee color fat rat run from my site and then crossed the road.  At 9pm a fog rolled in five feet above the river, it was about 7 feet tall. 

I went to the vault toilet and saw a tall giant young male being in complete shadow color smoke at the entry doorway.  There was no one physically there.  The place smelled of cigarette smoke.  There was another smell in the air, it wasn’t the vault toilet, it was a bad one, the one that may kill you. 

I’d stay here longer but the vault toilet is a total downer. 

Don't Want to Swim in the River

Day 35 National Park 2011

I dread using the vault toilet here.  I finally rolled off bed at 6:25am.  I drove and parked across site #10 at site #9 to wait for the camper to move out.  Site #11 had already left and the ranger came by 7am, and the camp host came by at the following times:  8am, and 10:35am doing their rounds.  I sat in the car for two hours and read up on trail and mapped out the rest of my trip into Oregon while I waited for my site to vacate.  Time is flying by fast, not too many days left, I have more things I want to do than I had time for.  I also did meditation in the car.  Finally at 10:15am I was able to roll my car into site #11 and by then lots of people were up and about.  It was noon when I finished setting up camp.  I felt so tired, I was not hungry, I just needed to sleep.  My body was aching.  I woke up at 3:17pm. 

I love being off the river bank.  At 5:22pm the winds picked up and the temperature was cool.  I decided to can hikes and just do art at this camp site looking at the river.  At 7pm I began drawing.  It was fun.  I feel that I can just stay here for a month and just draw and paint.  This leg injury is forcing me to sit, not stand or walk.  I can’t even drive much, but I do and then I pay, I am forced to sleep for days after.  After the sun set, the wind off the glacial river was very cold.  I put on 3 layers of jackets to keep warm. 

I met three ladies from Illinois, they are all in college on a 12 day trip.  They are funny, nice, educated, and friendly.  They have a good sisterhood thing going, very lovely to see. 

9pm, there is still sun light, it is lovely to be at the river bank.  The flow of the water is great and so is the sound.  Just watching the colors of the river change throughout the day is fun.  The water in the river is so clear and beautiful, I don’t even want to get my dirty body in it to pollute it.  I can’t swim in this amazing water, and the water is too dangerous, currents are just too fast.       

Patsy and Bob

Day 32 National Park 2011

I was cold at 2am this morning.  I woke up feeling happy and excited about being here.  I felt good, as good as the sound of the wind and river, as soothing as the air here and as gentle yet strong like the campground here.  Got up at 8:30am, weather was overcast, cool and dark.  The wind blew the clouds away and the sun peeked through at 9:14am.  Then the grey returned, and it was chilly again.  I am amazed at how much I enjoy the cold over heat.   

I met the camp host who is in her senior years but she exuded the energy of a twenty year old, it was very interesting to watch her.  She looked happy and content.   

Saw my neighbor Lisa and we chatted about many things.  She said her husband got child cancer at 19 and had to loose a leg, he had fifty percent chance of survival and survivied.  They are leaving a day early to go to Vancouver then to Yellowstone.  She joked about bears in Yellowstone and news of a family gone missing, how that would be them.  I joked back, “Then there would be jobs opening at De Anza College.” 

I wondered if I should have brought my passport.  I think it would have been a distraction, open to Canada travel and I’d really be on a different track.  I would need another two months on my trip. I did not allocate two more months for this three month summer trip making it a five month trip.  

11am, the spinach didn’t make it to day five.  I decided to reorganize my trunk, well honestly, I can’t say it makes any bit of difference.  I reshuffled things around, shifting things.  I don't know, I just have to organize sometimes and reorganize and move things around.  I just feel better afterwards. 

I went to visitor center and chatted with Ranger Katie from Montana who gave me great info on what is open and what is accessible.  I pretty much have my tour laid out here. 

This entire place is North Cascades National Park.  However the parts around the dam, lakes and surrounding i20 all belong to  Dam Recreational Area, this includes the campgrounds.  It is strange that someone decided to cut through the National Park and others all agreed to allow it.  This was the interruption of energy I picked up when I first arrived.  It wasn’t suppose to be this way. 

I went to “To Know a Tree” trail by loop A with two layers of softshell jackets on and even so I felt chilly.  It took me three tries to locate the trail.  I saw the amphitheatre and fire pit there.  I also went by the walk in sites and they are nice with bear vaults off the river.  The river is beautiful in jade blue green, they call it Glacial Green here.  I tried to learn about the different trees and cedar, pines, I must say I am still confused after reading signs and looking at trees.  I am not a very good student in terms of picking it up right away. 

It is beautiful here, everything is beautiful.  I don’t have to go anywhere.  I can just sit on the bench, in the car, or lay on the hammock and enjoy the scenery. 

My plan for this afternoon was to sit and do art.  While I sat and ate roasted very yummy potatoes, a camper van drove by, honked, and waved at me.  It was the woman I saw this morning at the restroom who felt my hot water kettle was a good idea.  They pulled over to pee at the restroom.  The woman Patsy came over to inquire how it was that I was alone.  Patsy and her 80 year old husband Bob decided to pack up and leave because of the on and off rain showers.  Bob isn’t feeling too well either.  They came with the heart of gathering me in because I was alone.  I felt and saw that, so I offered French truffle chocolates to them and said I’d offer tea if there was hot water.  They went to their camper and got hot water going.  I pulled out my tea selection and decided on Tie Guan Yin tea.   Patsy came back with hot water, cheese, crackers, popcorn, paper towel to share.  I pulled out roasted mini peppers, potatoes, vegan jerky.  A quick hi of inquiry turned into a full on two plus hours of chatting and picnic.  Patsy would have unpacked and stayed but Bob was not feeling well from the weather. 

Both Bob and Patsy became vegetarians in 1998.  Patsy one day had diarrhea and learned she can’t process meat.  She does do fish and egg.  Bob is 80 years old and will turn 81 come September 2^nd.  They recommend I travel young.  I told her I was getting older and she responded, “What I wouldn’t give to be 36 years old again.”  Our conversations ranged from her kids to her neighbor, self destruction, relationships, autism, thyroid function, borderline diabetes, quinoa, amaranth, beans, salads, overweight, people who eat fast food, allergies, vitamin D, energy level, Paris, Florence, oil paintings, Beethoven, Renoir, sleeping pad, tent, bikes, ipad, and itouch.  Time flew by as we chatted from one thing to another. 

Bob worked on building these campsites before Cascades became a National Park.  That it was all a part of Mt. Baker.  Then he quit and started his own canoe building business.  His canoe looks like fine guitars.  They are both too old to lift their canoe off the basement.  Now he does oil paintings in the first two months of the year.  They are fine paintings.   

All the chocolates were gone, and tea was drunk.  I would have enjoyed sitting around a fire with them and continue this fine affinities with each other.  I hope they make it home safely in wet grounds.  The funny thing was the sun came out as soon as they left.  I laid in my hammock and just savored the reunion with Bob and Patsy.  I think we must have been friends in the past so we picked up this life now just like that as if we had been around each other all along, no distance, no strangeness between us. 

I love this weather, misty clouds over the mountain, a moving sea of clouds.  It really reminds me of Taiwan.  It’s just beautiful to watch.  I just don’t seem to get bored of this.  A deer walked by, it was bigger than the other one I saw with round ears and black tail. 

 It was a cold night and I just feel totally unmotivated to clean up or do anything.  Called it a night at 8:12pm and there was still sunlight out. 

I Love Moss

Day 30 National Park 2011

I kept dreaming that I woke up and began my day, this dream repeated three times.  While meditating and reciting, I felt Abhayagiri monks at BBM.  I felt a sense of wanting to make sure they are welcomed and well taken care of.  Then I realized today is the first Tuesday of the month and they are at BBM today.  Some things continue within even when things have ended long ago on the outside.      

I sat and watched birds while I ate.  There are plenty of birds to watch.  Saw two types of humming birds here, green and golden bronze.  I met a female black ranger today.  I was impressed by her. 

I went for my River Loop stroll.  The loop was full of red cedar and moss.  I saw birds and butterflies, the river was glacier green.  It was clear and beautiful.  The currents were unsafe and fast.  Even dogs won’t swim in it.  I dipped my feet in it and it felt so good.  I wore Tevas for the stroll.  I think my body is acclimating to the heat with the flip flops and tank tops.  I jumped from winter to summer, totally skipped spring. 

At the river bed I sat on a log.  I noticed a lot of moss and realized how much I love moss.  I remembered how I was good friends with moss spirit and asked what I should do.  I heard,” you think too much, exercise and don’t think too much, just do what is karmic right at the moment.” 

I came back to camp to drink the sweet cold mountain water out of the faucet.  Then I laid on the hammock and just enjoyed the breeze.  I am feeling better, less worried, and less foggy.  My ankle hurts. I had to kick my ankle over the hammock.  I fell asleep at 2:44pm and woke up at 5pm.  I seem to be doing a lot of falling asleep.  I wondered where I have been past few days with all this sleeping.  

At 5:30pm I saw a deer, graze at my campsite.  I saw my other neighbor, a family from Santa Cruz and both parents work at De Anza College as professors teaching ESL.  The husband had a prosthetic leg.  I offered my dolly and they took up the offer, it will be easier to transport their five gallon water tank from the faucet to their campsite.  Lisa the wife can’t believe I camp and hike alone.  I said I stay on trails.  There are other people on trails and campground too.  They just came from camping in Oregon and are headed to Yellowstone National Park. 

 At 6pm, I finally felt present, here, awake, and ready for this park.  All the trails here are incline, they seem to start in the valley and go up.  

Ani along with her mom and dog came to bid me goodbye.  They are headed to Mt. Rainier, Mt. St. Helen, Olympic National Park. 

While I worked on my cuticles this evening a black and white mosquito had me for dinner.  I had to hide in my tent for protection.  I got out of the tent to star gaze tonight, the Milky Way is beautiful.  I feel safe here.