He Had Been Dead For the Past Twenty Years

Day 50 National Park 2011

 I woke up with total exhaustion from tension and pain from last night.  I recited Great Compassion Mantra and I felt the relief.  I felt lighter and it worked.  I was chilly, I knew I wanted and needed to get up for sunrise but I didn’t get up until 5am.  I made hot tea and drove to the lighthouse for sunrise on the beach.  The scenic view of this morning’s sunrise on the horizon was not what I had expected. On the moon there was a kind of a spot light and everything else was fog.  I sat and drank tea, watched the fog and thought about Native Americans, surrounding chi, and all the drug and alcohol.  Then I went to use the vault toilet and it wasn’t a terrible experience, not as bad as Altaire Campground, that was enough for a lifetime.

 I reflected on my internal chatter, how this and that needed to be right.  Then I connected to how this sets things up for others to be wrong and to be corrected.  The opposite is true too.  They are both on the ends of a teeter totter.  I am still on the teeter totter of struggle.  I don’t need to be right or wrong.  I want to be out of it all.  “Just shut up!” was what I told myself, and then the pressure on my chest lifted. 

I drove one mile back to camp.  The best part about this camp isn’t the sites, nor the light house or the beach or even the town of Bandon.  The best part is the closed beach hours from 10pm-7am and during that time you can have the entire beach to yourself.  It is super cold, windy, foggy but it’s just you and that’s nice.  Lot’s of people camp here, but very few are on the beach. 

I made boiled pasta and crumpled chips into it, tasted surprisingly good.  10 am is hustle and bustle time, all the volunteer crews were out cleaning, picking up trash, etc..  It’s quite an amazing process to see.  There were a lot of volunteers and they are all very nice. 

I drove to old town and parked right in front of the Cranberry Candy store.  The one Harold stressed I should go to.  Everything was yummy.  They had tasters for everything.  What a dangerous place!  All the kids who step in, their eyes light up like Christmas lights.  The staff was pleasant and wonderful.  It is a harmonious place.  I bought CranMarion Berry juice no sugar for $9.75 each.  They gift wrapped it for me.  The women at the store drew me a map of where the blueberry farm is and where to go for wifi at the café and to go to Misty Meadow for jam and honey etc..

I walked to the café and bought a cup of water for tea for $1.15.  I poured in my own Darjeerling tea leaves.  All the staff who worked at the café had really good healthy energy and was pleasant to be around.  I was really impressed. 

I chatted with my sister and realized the dream I had the other day of family and the dog were family distress and disharmony that was physically taking place in real time. 

Today was a good down time day.  I was not feeling well today.  I went to Misty Meadows and bought $100. worth of Jam for gifts.  Now how to get it all home?  I felt really ill when I was done and very tired, low and slow chi and heavy chi.  So I recited Heart Sutra over and over until I reached camp.  I was glad to somehow made it back to camp in one peace, all ten whole miles.  I laid on the hammock and breathed, coaching myself to relax into the illness.  I felt better and got up, ate blueberries, cherries, bread and eggplant.  Then I laid on the hammock some more.  I didn’t make it over to the blueberry farm, I was just overwhelmed and sick. 

Kim came to invite me over for kimchi, rice, hot spicy Korean soup.  I passed, I was stuffed and I really wanted to use the time for more recitation.  Kim watches and looks out for me.  She watches me with curiosity on how I can be alone traveling for fifty days all camping on my own. She finally figured out that I make myself comfortable with things l like, hammock, tea, writing etc…  She said she missed home where she knows how to make herself comfortable.  She always gets the same campsite each year and books it nine months out to ensure it because this site is full every night.  She was impressed on how I know how to tie my own hammock.  So I showed her the only knot I know.  She said I should look into buying a mini camper.  I can barely reach the gas peddle of a mini van and a mini camper will be even worse. 

Kim was born in Korea and was adopted and raised in Kaui.  She lived in San Francisco where she met Harold.  She doesn’t speak Korean and barely cooks Korean food and doesn’t really like seaweed.  But everything about her is Korean, how she does her hair, how she moved her body, even her accent from Kaui is Korean English, isn’t that amazing.  She brings bird seeds and feeds birds each year she comes here, so all the birds love to flock here.  She also brings peanuts, I see the shells at my site. 

The sound of the creek right behind my site was music to my ears at the Humbug Campground.  Here at this site the ocean waves are right behind me too. 

The fog finally cleared at noon and was sunny the rest of the day.  Still the coastal wind was very chilly.  I dashed to the light house to watch the sunset.  The horizon was getting blanketed with thick clouds straight across.  It was like five waves out and creeping in, in the form of fog.  It looked like a tsunami wave.  I felt scared, like the end of the world.  A bit of orange and blue hint lingered and feathered the rest of the sky.  Then a fog above it all grew doom on everything in the short span of half hour and the sky grew dark grey and I got scared and drove back to camp with very little visibility.  

I got into the B loop behind a RV towing a trailer of three dirt bikes.  They found their site and unhooked the trailer, backed the RV into their spot.  They saw me waiting and two men tried to roll the trailer off the narrow loop road.  They needed more people but they rolled it anyways.  It hurt my back just watching them push.  Then finally a third person appeared to help and clear the road for cars to pass. 

I went for the shower and tried a different stall.  The water was lukewarm.  I was once again cold and shivering.  Towards the end it got warm and I stopped shivering.  As I dressed the shower drain burped sprinkles of gutter shower water and splattered onto me.  Gross!  I went to the restroom where there was an outlet to blow dry my hair.  Another woman with red shoes while brushing her teeth spoke her internal dialogue with her mouth full of tooth paste as if she had an audience listening to her.  I politely said good night and ran. 

 

I came across April’s father who told me he was up until 4:30am.  That he had been dead for past twenty years but he is now alive.  So all those nights of talking at the campfire way beyond quiet hours paid off and the fears of the daughter subsided.  The father had been revived!  The magic of campfires!

I put on more layers including socks for bed, it’s cooler tonight.  I was tired and I just wanted to go to bed.  I am amazed at how physically exhausted I felt all day.  

   

She Could Have Been Cindy Brady

Day 48 National Park 2011

The light house sounded all night in the fog.  I felt fully rested by 4am and got out of the car and stretched.  I sat on a pillow and covered my legs with a blanket to stay warm.   I was moved by the sunrise in the midst of fog.  I watched the sky dance in colors from 4am to 6am.  At 6am the ocean glistened and reflected the sky in jeweled colors.  And it was then I realized, sleeping in the car was all about this sunrise.  This was a perfect place to rest for the night. 

I decided to drive around and I found a beach access with public restroom.  Then I proceed to Port Orford and saw Battle Rock and I knew where I was and that I needed to get gas before I ran out.  There wasn’t much south of here for gas.  I asked the service guy where the next campground was and he said Humbug State Park that is 6 miles south.  I actually drove all the way out to Gold Beach because I still wanted to be on the beach.  Plus it was too early to set up camp in Humbug Campground because people were all still asleep.  When I circled the campgrounds, I felt the calm of the place and knew I could rest there.  I saw Gold Beach, it isn’t gold and I didn’t find the beach.  Most importantly I didn’t like the energy of the place.  At this point I was pretty close to the boarder of California.  I turned around and drove back to Humbug.

At Humbug State Park Campground I drove around the loops three times.  It was fully packed.  There was just one empty site from last night #8 and it was still empty.  Everything felt not prefect about each site and this particular one, too small, that too tight etc…  But I felt it was about the neighbors and people I will come across that was of importance so I went for it and parked it. 

I met a little blond curly hair blue eyes girl who could have been Cindy Brady.  Her name was Amy, she was super cute and sweet.  She gave me the low down on the trail by the river, terrain by terrain and she is like 8 years old.  And that I am to call her name across the campground if I have any further questions.  She was on a pink bike.  But it wasn’t her beautiful clear sky blue eyes or her perfect blond golden locks or her flashy pink bike that drew the attention, it was her sincerity, genius, being at the moment, not needing any attention or have the need to impress others in her interaction and communication that was priceless, beautiful, pure and perfect.  I felt honored to be in the presence of this amazing soul in this tiny child body. 

I paid for my site and check out the facilities.  I did love how new it was and how clean and beautiful the place is.  I decided I would take two showers because I can.  There is no time limit and it’s included in the camping fee.  I so needed a shower.  I was happy about the sun on my site so my tent can dry and air out. 

My neighbor was from Oregon, a family of siblings without parents, young adults with their dogs and significant others.  They had a canopy with bug net and two gas grills, fire pit grill, along with a propane fryer. It seems like there is going to be some serious cooking.  I looked at the low propane stand and wondered if I will get one of those.  They all coughed and smoked nonstop.  A tight close family who reminisced about their father with love and there was no mention of the mother. 

I tried the soy chorizo from Grocery Outlet, I was not impressed.  But it was some form of vegan food and I ate it anyways.  I needed a nap but I decided to would drive 6 miles to Port Orford Battle Rock Beach and catch the low tide to see the star fish etc..  I parked and saw the tide was still not low enough for star fish petting.  I went into the visitor center and asked how to read the low tide chart and the staff said it is currently low tide and there are three hours before and after range to work with.  However the low tide today said two plus feet above zero so it is the lowest tide for the day but because it is above zero it isn’t low tide was thinking of, the kind that reveals star fishes and others.  The next segments of bellow zero low tide is mid to late this week for a few days.  I was informed of the ten resident whales sitting out by the rocks, they are the dark shadows in the ocean.  Because the sun is out it is hard to see them in the ocean that is a reflecting mirror under the bright sun.  With the wind, waves, and reflecting light, that early mornings are better for whale sighting, like around sunrise time. 

I drove back to camp and took a three hour nap.  I was so tired and sleepy that I slept with the rainfly open on both ends for circulation of heat and air.  When I woke up I ate berries and cherries and salad with olives and artichoke hearts.  It really hit the spot. 

At the trash can area I met Beth from Washington, Tom and their two dogs Bailey, a four year old beagle and Wilbert, a drooling hound who loves to put his paw on your face.  Beth and Tom are rock collectors.  They did Wyoming, and then Oregon for geodes and agates.  Tom is a 57 year old retired fireman who built his own cedar house on five acre land and built his own two ponds on his lot.  He likes to plant trees and plants.  He will uproot them off the road when he see them as he travels, much like rocks. 

 

Beth began meditating recently after two episodes of composting artery that closed and then reopened.  She survived both in four years and is happy to be alive.  Our conversation started with her comment on my skirt.  I said I wear it to air out the bottom.  Tom also coached soccer for girls.  We talked about their daughter, granddaughter, dogs, teaching, house code reinforcement, and how there is lack of shower access etc..  we went on and on.  I could have kept going and I needed to pee half way through our conversation but the conversations were too good to leave.  We also talked about headaches and rock healings.  I also talked about language and cultures and how it shapes anger and frustration and stress or the lack of.  There is anguish in Beth’s eyes that fazed in and out.  I pulled out a new bag of French truffles to celebrate her being alive.  They are lovely warm people who have a lot of love for others. 

 

Yup I am at this site in order to meet them who are across from me.  I had contemplated their site in the morning and felt, “What if an RV wanted to park here?”  They bought their camper for $8,000 in September and loved it.  Beth is good at training her dogs to be dogs with dignity and expect more from them and still set boundaries  for dog freedom. 

The RV next site over flagged me and said he was a retired CID for the military central intelligence division like CIA but for the military only.  He said he felt proud that his life service in the military was of worth when he sees single young women traveling alone feeling safe to do so.  I am happy for him and his vision and his heart of protection for everyone. 

Today I bothered to look into a box at my site and realized it was an electrical hook up box.  I didn’t have to go to the restroom all this time, in fact I could have plugged everything in but I just didn’t know because I didn’t check, silly foolish of me.

It’s amazing how I can just flip from solitary silence to a social chatter box just like that.  I’d say assimilation into civilization complete.

Why Isn't There an Abundance of Fruits and Vegetables In Oregon?

Day 47 National Park 2011

I was up at 6am and I rolled out at 7am.  I barely slept last night.  I shivered in bed for two hours before I decided to get up and add two more layers of jacket.  I hope this won’t get me sick.  On this lovely day the sky was clear.  I bid my goodbye to the state of Washington and Mount. Rainier National Park. 

I pulled over to Panamerican Farmers off HWY 12 and bought blueberries from blueberry farm.  It was yummy, large blueberries.  I also pulled over to a cherry stand and this stand had plump giant cherries for $5 a bag. 

The border of Washington and Oregon on both sides was difficult to cross.  I was a bit disoriented and the speed in which people move in scared me.  I made a decision to get onto i5.  A trucker behind me looked far enough for me to merge onto the highway.  But the trucker drove fast and it honked me from a distance for me to speed up, I floored my gas peddle but my car wasn’t going any faster.  

Portland is a port and I have learned on this trip I am not into ports and the energy of ports.  I got onto HWY 26 West and got gas.  I really love “no self service” at gas stations.  A guy pumped my gas and another washed my window.   There isn’t much going on in HWY 26.

It was 11am when I pulled into Taco Bell to use the restroom and eat.  It saddened me to see an old woman who should have retired but needs to work instead at a fast food place.  She was sweet, I liked her manners in customer service.  No one was rushed in their order decision process, no one was hustled and it was a long line.  I liked that.  There was attention and order to each person, an understanding and respect and everyone was willing to be patient for this decent civilized not so fast-fast food process because it was worth it.  She made you feel you were worth it and she too was worth the time and care in this transaction process.  It might be the only human interaction each person receives in a day that was treated with respect and just like that each person was honored.  You mattered just as much as the person behind you and that person behind too.  This was so beautiful to witness.  What gifts this elderly woman gave to all of her customers.  What an inspiration she is.  She is priceless and I am grateful to have been here to witness this. 

You would think in this amazing state of Oregon, so green, environment oriented, nature loving state that everyone would be vegan and that it wouldn’t be so hard to find vegetarian food or amazing produce, and at economical price.  Yup, it’s not like that, that exist in some fantasy, it’s not reality.  It’s difficult to even find fresh fruits. 

I finally arrived at i101 and head south.  I went from campground to campground and each was full.  I couldn’t believe it.  I didn’t like the energy in all the places until I reached south of Newport.  There were two beach state parks I liked just off the beach.  At Newport I took a happy break at Grocery Outlet to see what they had and use their restroom.  The restroom was lovely.  It’s these little things, they do matter and really make a difference. 

I was already at Reedsport and still I have yet to come across any vacant site.  I kept going south since I was four days ahead of schedule in meeting up with friends in Reedsport.  I drove past Coos Bay and sights of logging saddened me.  I was at Bandon and the Bullards beach state park was full too.  I was happy about shower there.  They only had biker site left and I had to walk in and was not allowed to park my car in the park.  It was a one way three plus miles on foot where I can park my car at the grocery store that allowed overnight parking.  The place was packed and each site was tight.  The nice National Park site spacing was all gone.  This place is an assimilation into civilization and mass public for me.  It was evident to me that I was not ready. 

I decided to proceed onto the beach and drive some more towards the lighthouse Coquille River Light formerly known as Bandon Light.  I saw a young man sitting on the beach in the midst of gusting wind and flying sand, alone and writing.  I parked at a picnic table and ate salad.  I went to the light house and watched sunset at 9pm.  What a lovely sunset.  I had to leave because the camp ranger locks the gate at 10pm.  The gates open at 7am. 

In the dark I saw in a distance headlights and I knew that was where I wanted to go.  I just didn’t know how to get there.  I drove and followed beach sign and because I knew I wanted to wake up and watch sunrise.  I parked at a circle facing the ocean and just slept sitting up in my car in the midst of beach houses.  I was happy to finally park the car and stop driving.  I was very tired.  I put all three sleeping bags on me to keep me warm for the night.      

Miles Driven: 496 Miles

Hours on the Road: 12 Hours