Conflicted

Day 31 National Park 2011

I woke up before day break and just stayed in bed.  I didn’t exit my tent until 7am.  The sun was just tipping over the mountain and it took another two hours before it reached my tent.  It was a bright summer sun at 88 degrees. 







I drove ten plus miles on 30 mph mountain road to Thunder Knob Trail at the north end of Colonial Creek.  I had thought of staying here the first night or last two nights.  When I drove by, the overwhelming energy of weary fatigue in the aura at the entrance kept me moving on.  Today I had a good look at the campground.  My initial feeling that made me move on was right on.  Those who have used the place really unloaded a lot of toxins.  Nature has yet to recycle it all.  So the place feels crummy with beautiful potential.  There are a few sites off the creek and off the lake beaches.  The lake itself like the other ones has a dam.  The dam is an interruption of the flow and is overworked.  The clean glacial water is a good presence.  The lake looks a little worn out too.  I had a peek at it on my way in and I didn’t stop for it.  This campground is off i20 and so the road traffic is loud.  




I strolled around the Trail of Cedars.  I really enjoyed this short trail, it was beautiful.  I had this thought while on the trail, an impulse to get up middle of the night and paint the sky . 











I returned at noon to start a fire for cooking.  I used the Ponderosa Pine and chopped it into smaller pieces.  Pieces of wood were flying everywhere.  It was a bit dangerous.  I felt great chopping wood.  It’s a skill I am working on.  I used the wood to start the charcoal and this was a fast process, better than newspaper.  I laid on the hammock and ate corn while I waited for the rest of the food to be cooked.  What a nice way to spend the rest of the day.  I am burned in three different places, adding to my cooking scars.  I looked up while laying on the hammock and noticed the belly of the black bird with cream stripes who had a cream belly. 



I was on the verge of falling off the bench seat when I caught myself and hung onto the table and sank down where the knee clamped.  Those monkey bar early childhood days muscle memories really kicked in as if it was yesterday.  I really would have seriously hit my head, hurt my neck and back if I hadn’t caught myself. 






My wrist is still swollen and both my feet hurt today.  Even my left arm hurts.  I hope to be in better health tomorrow.  Why am I in so much pain?  Even my tail bone hurts.  My ankle burned tonight. 

So quiet and calm here, I found it ideal and beautiful.  If not for the ten months of downpour rain, I could live here and be content.  I really like this area of campsites.  Energy moves, and things heal, recover, and regenerate.  I don’t feel the same about loop A or C.  The sun sets behind me at 7pm, it is beautiful each time.     

A part of me wants to just chill and do art, stroll around.  The other part of me thinks I can exercise at camp.  Then there is another part that screams, “Screw this injury!  Just hike all day every day.” 

I met two men from Boston tonight.  They make this their annual trip.  They said anything above a tree line you need an ice ax.  The ice ax is used when you slip through a crevasse or the ice.  When you are on a breakaway, it is used to step the fall or climb yourself up.  Well, then that takes some things off my list here since I don't have an ice ax and won't know how to use one even if I had one.    

At 9:20pm the sky turned grey brown and the wind rolled in.  It was suddenly chilly.  I had to put on long sleeves.  It was dark a whole half hour earlier than usual.  I also felt phantom hunger.