Day 1
I woke up super tired, ill to the belly, and a cold
prickly acidic feeling. I heated hot
water for tea to warm up my belly. I had
extra hot water left and nowhere to put it.
I ended up hugging it to warm up my body.
Contemplating the annual Buddhist Sutra Meditation camping retreat I am to enter today, I had this prayer. In service, my hopes are for all to grow
strong, to transform, to transcend the upside down ways of the mind that
creates karmic habits of Saha world.
I woke up with a sore back and I woke up tired. I just want to rest some more. The seaweed
sweet potato porridge was awesome, just what I needed. I so needed this meal seven days ago. I juiced all the oranges and it was a perfect
32 oz.
I rolled off at 12:15pm, I was already sweaty, dirty, and
gross from packing. The staff tried to
clean my site all morning but checkout was 1pm and I had plenty of time to take
my time. The maintenance crew here runs
the place like hotel crew. They all zip
out at 10am from somewhere and see each other once a day, check in and then get
to work.
I pulled over at Coosbay at McDonalds to get on the
Wireless. It was lovely to receive mail
from my brother in law Andrew offering
phone card access incase I run out of phone minutes. I parked next to a single mom with two
teenage daughters. The mother and older
daughter sat in the car while the younger one shared a smoke with same age boy
leaning on the mom’s car. It was a
strange sight to me. That the mother
would approve of the smoking and that all three of them were on a date at
McDonalds.
The drive from Coosby to Reedsport was long and
exhausting somehow. I just felt lots of
static interference hitting me at once.
I don’t even know how I made it to the retreat safely and how I managed
to stay awake.
I pulled into the Lower Smith River road and it looked
different every year. I wouldn’t have
recognized it by the scenery. When I
pulled into Half Can, Silver didn’t greet, he was no where around. I wondered if he was alive. I felt Matt was sleeping. Everything was locked and I needed to pee
bad. I didn’t want to pee on monastery
grounds even though we are camping, but I had drank so much OJ. So I packed my tent and squeezed through the
fence and gate, which was also locked. I
hiked up the hill and set up my tent and dried the space blanket. I can tell the men will have their work cut
out for them. There just is so much to
do to get this retreat space set up for the mass to arrive in a few days.
I asked the same site as usual for permission to rest
there. It’s always nice to get
permission. The bed was covered with
soft and tender needles. If it wasn’t
for the twigs and rocks I’d just sleep on it as is.
I enjoyed my stroll down the hill back to Half Can. I liked this quiet alone time any time of the
day. This hill, maybe it’s the angle of
steepness, it commands respect for quiet contemplation. Usually I am just too tired from a lot of
work that I can’t take in the details of the hill. This very moment might just be my only chance
to take it all in on this once a year retreat.
I had planned to hike a few more times to carry the rest
of the stuff on my back. When I got down
to the Half Can Silver was there whimpering.
“He’s alive!” I happily thought, “thinner but alive.” The doors were open and I saw Matt
cleaning. He looked like a monk with
hair. His face looked holy in this
moment of solitude in cleaning.
We sat underneath the tart Granny Smith apple tree and
chatted. When he chatted he had rage in
his eyes and face. He talked about high
school friends and how he went to his 50th reunion at the age of 73
and how his peers have jet setting jobs, lifestyle etc.. He didn’t’ see himself as successful of a
person in Turtle Mountain as a steward.
That he had a few panic attacks this years and took himself to the
hospital. When he was in this negative emotional
state he looked like a layman, totally off centered, ungrounded, needy, clingy
dependant.
So I didn’t do my second or third hike in my bad
ankle. I was saved by the presence of
Stacy and everyone else’s arrival. I was
glad I didn’t show up any earlier than I did because I could not handle Matt or
Silver’s emotional dispositions.
I watched Stacy,
Tina, Alice get out of the car and I noticed how harmonious they were. I was happy to have such a good start to
begin this retreat.
Dinner was noodle soup for simplicity. Elaine and Tina showed up with Yip and
Sim. Yip is eating one meal a day. Sim is Vietnamese form Hungry who has been
learning Mandarin in CTTB the last 6 months.
She is very helpful but tries to run the kitchen without experience in
general or knowledge and is lost in translation, so it was a bit overwhelming
for me to work with her.
Matt started to get going when people arrived. Some people do need others to jump start
their stagnant slump.
The washer was clogged and I couldn’t do laundry.
There was issues from last year and stuff gets lost in
communication in translation and distance that it was best to just follow
Stacy’s instructions on how to handle supplies this year in order to avoid more
drama. I didn’t get to shower
tonight. The shower has yet to be
cleaned, it’s been a whole year since it was last cleaned. I should have showered before I left camp
this morning. We ate dinner in candle light.
I noticed both Silver and Matt were both off this year, I
wondered if their life line was coming to a closure.
Two tents were set up for Henry’s truck in the Can so
when they arrive they can just roll their stuff into the Can and just go to
sleep. All of Elaine’s crew’s stuff is
on Henry’s truck, so they sat above in the loft for the night because even the
loft has yet to be cleaned.
